Teacher Tales: Chucky?!

I have taught 6, 7, and 8 year olds for over ten years now.  Every year, inevitably, when I leave the kids to chat freely, I am shocked to learn that some of their parents let them watch Chucky.

I'll admit, I have never watched a full Chucky movie.  I've only seen bits and pieces when flipping through channels, late at night, mostly.  But from what I've seen, and what I've heard, it's pretty much the last thing in the world they should be watching.  They recount scenes with alarming clarity.  They laugh in wide-eyed horror, and yes, delight.

And always, at some point, I jump into their conversations with something like, 

"Your parents let you watch that?  That's horrible!  You tell your parents that you shouldn't be watching those kinds of movies."

And then one or two kids will chime in, "My parents don't let me watch it.  They say it's too violent."

And I say, "That's right.  And don't you forget it."

To make matters worse, producers of the Chucky franchise added fuel to my students' fires with Bride of Chucky and the subsequent Seed of Chucky, among other titles.  In fact, there are five, and they're entitled the "Child's Play" series.

In fact, today, one of little girls informed me that ". . .in Seed of Chucky, Chucky and his bride have a baby and they name it "Shithead."  Great.  Perfect.

In researching the marvelous facts about Chucky, I learned that their spawn is not actually named "Shithead," but rather he is a gender confused child that they call Glen/Glenda.  I also came across these excerpts from Wikipedia's descriptions of the movies.  And I am horrified; this garbage is worse than I ever imagined.

When a puppeteer, Tony Gardner walks into the room, he picks up Tiffany (Chucky's bride) and begins taking her apart, causing her and Chucky to cut his head off with a piano wire. Jennifer Tilly walks in and sees the decapitated body and calls the police. Glen/Glenda is horrified by this, and later on (after Glen/Glenda explains that he/she is their child) he/she asks them why they murder people. Chucky tells him/her that it's a hobby and they do it to relax. He also states that it has been a tradition for generations. .  

. . .Meanwhile, Jennifer Tilly and Redman start to have sex only for Tiffany to knock them both out. While they are knocked out, Tiffany inseminates Tilly with Chucky's semen. As this happens, Chucky leaves and takes Glen/Glenda with him. After driving Britney Spears' car off the road, they proceed to go to a photographer's dark room. The photographer (John Waters) had taken pictures of Tilly having sex with Redman, and of Chucky masturbating. While Chucky attempts to kill the man, Glen/Glenda tries to warn him, only for the photographer to bump into a shelf causing a jar of acid to fall on his face. Chucky is overjoyed at this, thinking that Glen/Glenda wanted to kill the man. He takes a picture to celebrate.

If my students' parents want to watch these things, it is their business.  But now that I know exactly how awful it all really is, I feel like I should call Child Protective Services on some of these parents for allowing their little ones to watch this stuff.

What do you think?

Need a Good Book? (2011 Edition)

I am officially the unofficial historian of my book club, and it is time for another reading list update. The titles at the top are the most recent books that we have read. Go on, take a browse. If you've read any of these, I'd love to hear your comments about them. And if you have any great recommendations, I'd love to hear them, too.

Looking for a good read? Your search has come to an end. For the past six years I’ve been in a book club, which is something that I had always wanted to do. We meet once a month for dinner and to discuss the book of the month. It has been so much fun. I have enjoyed most of the books, some more than others. One of the best parts of the book club is that it guides me into reading things I would never choose on my own. In my pre-book club years, I was stuck in a rut, reading only a certain kind of book, which usually fell into the category of trashy supermarket novels. Now, my horizons have been expanded! I’ve rated these books on my own very exclusive 5-star scale as well as offset in red my favorite reads:

The Help*****

by Katherine Stockett
This is one of the best I've read all year.  It takes place in Mississippi during the 1960's, focusing on, yes, the help, and those in charge of them.  

The Invention of Hugo Cabret****

by Brian Selznick
This is actually a childrens' novel, written at a fifth grade level.  It is a great story, with some unbelievable illustrations.  I read it to my six year old Diego, and he loved it!

A Very Private Gentleman aka The American***

by Martin Booth
This one takes place in Italy, and is the story of a man who makes highly specialized guns and ammunition used in assasinations.

Have a Little Faith****

by Mitch Albom
This is a true story about religion.  Even though I am not particularly a religious person, I found this book to be inspiring and motivating, and certainly thought provoking.

The Physik Book of Deliverance Dane****

by Katherine Howe
The setting of this novel is in modern Salem, Massachusetts, and deals with the topic of, yes, witches, from both the 1600s and modern times.  It has some great twists and turns.

A Reliable Wife****

by Robert Goolrick
This was a dark novel, but still beautifully written.  It tells the story of a wife for hire who tries to poison her husband, but then changes her mind and nurses him back to health.  All within his knowledge.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo***

Stieg Larsson

This is the first in the trilogy of The Girl, written by a Swede and set in Sweden.  The first 150 pages nearly killed me; I thought they were so boring.  The rest was really good.  I haven't read the other two books in the series, but I hear they're excellent.

Swallow the Ocean****

by Laura Flynn

The story of a family whose wife and mother suffers from paranoid schizophrenia.  Having dealt with this topic in my own family, I could identify with several different parts of this book.

Push****

by Sapphire

Not a light-hearted story, but inspiring.  After unthinkable abuse, a girl named Precious finally escapes and begins to make a life of her own.

The Lost Symbol*****

by Dan Brown

Dan Brown doesn't disappoint!  This one focuses on the mystery and symbolism behind the early United States government and its extensive ties with Free Masonry.  Not as good as The Da Vinci Code, not as good as Angels and Demons, but almost.

Loving Frank*****

by Nancy Horan

The story of Frank Lloyd Wright.  Focuses on his long love-affair and its tragic ending.  Excellent!

The Poisonwood Bible*****

by Barbara Kingsolver

This was my favorite book of the year.  A fascinating and well-written story of a Bible-thumping preacher who moves his family to Africa.  Insightful, gripping, tragic.

The Whistling Season*

by Ivan Doig

A portrayal of a family on the prairie whose mother has died and some new people come to town to help out.

(Yawn.  This book bored me to tears.)

Eat, Pray, Love****

by Elizabeth Gilbert

A newly divorced woman decides to live life to the fullest by visiting Italy, India, and Indonesia.  In the process, she discovers many things about who she really is, and how to be happy.

The Book Thief*****

By Markus Zusak

Another story of Nazi Germany...told from a different perspective.  Very well done.

Shadow of the Wind****

by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

This story of murder and suspense takes place in Spain. Artfully written.

.

Three Cups of Tea****

by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

This is the true and inspirational story of a man who dedicated his life to building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

.

The Friday Night Knitting Club****

by Kate Jacobs

Looking for a good chick book? This is it--with much commentary insight on friendships, relationships, assumptions, perspective, and lost time.

.

The Shack***

by William P. Young

Some of us approached with this with much trepidation, as it is the story of a man who spends the weekend in a shack with God. However, it had many vital life lessons and a not-so-traditional perspective on God and love that I found thought provoking.

.

Still Life with Crows***

by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child

This was a good mystery involving a recurring character in these authors' novels.

The Historian ***

by Elizabeth Kostova

This was a vampire story with a more realistic, historical approach. Very interesting, and very long.

.

The Other Boleyn Girl*****

by Phillipa Gregory

Fascinating, entertaining, and historical! I avoided this book for a couple of years, but then it was chosen as a book club read, and I'm very glad.

.

What the Dead Know****

by Laura Lippman

This book is a twisty, turny mystery that will keep you guessing til the end.

.

No One Belongs Here More Than You***

by Miranda July

If you like quirky short stories, this book's for you. I do, and I liked it.

.

Water for Elephants****

by Sara Gruen

I never imagined I would love a circus story so much. But this story had it all, mystery, intrigue, passion, and murder.

.

The Tortilla Curtain***

by T.C. Boyle

This is the story of illegal Mexican immigrants living in a a dry river bed in Topanga Canyon, just a mile away from a prestigious upper scale community. This story is too close to the truth.

.

Shattered Dreams****

by Irene Spencer

Ohhh, boy. Ready for an amazing true story written by a polygamist's wife?

.

Notes from a Small Island*

by Bill Bryson

Okay, I have a confession. I ordered the wrong book for this particular month's book club, so didn't really read this one. I tried, kind of, but I couldn't get into it.

.
The Glass Castle: A Memoir ***** 
by Jeanette Walls

This book is one of the best memoirs I have read. Loved it!
.

The Barrytown Trilogy **
by Roddy Doyle

Very Irish, very funny, when you can understand it.
.
Mirror, Mirror ***
by Gregory Macguire

This author also wrote Wicked. His style is very weird, yet enjoyable.
.
A Long Way Down ****
by Nick Hornsby

A funny book about people who want to commit suicide.
.
My Sister’s Keeper ****
by Jodi Picoult

Gut wrenchingly sad, but a great story.
.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven ***
by Mitch Albom

A nice little story, but I was a bit bored.
.
The Year of Magical Thinking**
by Joan Didion

Another memoir, about grieving , I didn't love it.
.
The Memory Keeper’s Daughter ****
by Kim Edwards

Interesting story about a doctor who gives away his Down'sSyndrome baby.
.
In Cold Blood*
by Truman Capote

The true story of multiple murders.
.
The Davinci Code ***** 
by Dan Brown

Very famous book, and for good reason. If you haven't read it yet, get on board, it's exceptional.
.
Naked *****
by David Sedaris

By far the funniest book I have ever, ever read. Also a memoir.
.
The Birth of Venus ***** 
by Sarah Dunant

A captivating tale about renaissance Florence and a woman who wants to be an artist, which was unheard of at the time.
.
The Thirteenth Tale *****
by Diane Setterfield

Ohh so good! Suspenseful, interesting, "ghost" story.
If you don't read anything else on my list, read this one.
.
The Family Tree ****
by Carole Cadwalladr

A story about a dysfunctional family and depression. Very insightful.
.
Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books **
by Azar Nafisi

This book was written at a post-doctorate reading level. It was very high quality, great story, but I had a difficult time understanding it.
.
The Kite Runner ****
by Kahled Hosseini

Sad historical fiction about Afghanistan. Great story.
.
Other People’s Dirt: A Housecleaner’s Curious Adventures ***
by Louise Rafkin

The title says it all. Mildly interesting and funny, but nothing remarkable.
.
Little Children *****
by Tom Perrotta

Fascinating! The movie was equally so.
.
Love in the Time of Cholera *
by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Yawn. I did not join the book club to read classics. I'm sorry. Too hard to follow.
.
Breathing Lessons *****
by Anne Tyler

My most treasured author, and one of her best books. She takes the every day and turns it into something amazing.
.
The Great and Secret Show **
by Clive Barker

The most memorable book we've read, simply because of its truly bizarre nature. Science fiction.
.
The Secret Life of Bees *****
by Sue Monk Kidd

Wonderful, meaningful story.
.
The Life of Pi ***
by Yann Martel

Great story, fiction. One of my book club friends read the whole thing thinking it was true and was sooo bummed when she found out it wasn't.
.
Middlesex ****
by Jeffrey Eugenides

A riveting story about a hermaphrodite.
.
The Power of One: The Classic Novel of South Africa *
by Bruce Courtenay

This was a nice story but bored me to tears.
.
The Time Traveler’s Wife ***
by Audrey Niffenegger

Pretty good read, keep an open mind with this one.
.
The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary **
by Simon Winchester

Interesting, but I wouldn't recommend it. The best part of this book was when we all had to form lists of our favorite words.
.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time **
by Mark Haddon

Everyone loved this book, but I just couldn't get into it. Autism is the main theme.
.
Mrs. Dalloway *
by Virginia Woolf

Bleck. Read The Hours instead. Reading Virginia Woolf is like trying to make sense out of insanity. Oh, wait. That's what it is. It did have some interesting insights about depression, though.
.
Good Omens *
by Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachett

Quite humorous, but I couldn't get past its quirkiness and difficulty to understand in order to enjoy the humor.
.
Wifey **
by Judy Blume

Betcha didn't know the author of Tales of a Fouth Grade Nothingand Superfudge also writes porn! Tra-aaaa-shy!
.
.
.
These are outstanding non-book club books that you might consider:
.
The God in Flight *****
by Laura Argiri

This was an amazing, beautifully crafted story that left me thinking about it for weeks to come.
.
Running With Scissors *****by Augusten Burroughs

Hysterical! Unbelievable! Loved it!
.
Dry ****
by Augusten Burroughs

The sequel to Running With Scissors. Also very good.
.
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim ****
by David Sedaris

Same author as Naked, also quite funny.
.
Angels and Demons *****
by Dan Brown

Same author as The Davinci Code. Outstanding.
.
She’s Come Undone *****
by Wally Lamb

Very funny and touching.
.
The Lovely Bones****
by Alice Sebold

Sad but meaningful story about a murdered girl who watches her family from heaven .

.

Well? Now you have no excuse!

Stream of Consciousness Blogging: Guinness Pie and Fall Foliage Cruise 2032

It's a windy, rainy day, the kind of rain we often get here in Southern California when it actually rains; sideways rain, rendering umbrellas useless.  I like the rain, unless I have to walk 6o miles in it or spend the whole day in a room full of 7 year olds who don't get to go out and play all day long.

Last night I went to my friend, Pumpkin Delight's annual St. Patrick's Day party.  I've been going to her St. Patty's parties for about ten years now, and they're always a lot of fun.  Good food, good friends, and lots of laughs.  I brought my famous cheesy garlic mashed potatoes.  Pumpkin always a makes Guinness meat pies, which are so delicious.  After going over three months without taking a bite of beef, I broke my own rule and had some Guinness pie.  Yum!  There may or may not have been partaking of certain beverages, which of course may or may not have added to the fun.  Which means I may or may not be functioning today under a slight cloud.

A couple of my friends and I have made plans to go on a Fall Foliage Cruise in the 2032 in celebration of our retirement.  I'm so excited!  I wonder if any cruise lines are taking reservations 21 years in advance?

You know how there are certain people who, no matter where they go, they stir up trouble?  They love causing problems and making everyone angry and uncomfortable, always putting those around them in uncomfortable situations; even emotionally abusive.   Somehow people others around them are afraid to stand up and refuse to take their abuse, so they go on.  I've been observing someone like this for a few years now, and if you remember this post, I finally stood up to her.  All of my ranting seems to have done nothing, for those around here are still afraid of her.  Sigh.

I'm so ready for spring vacation; I feel burnout nipping at my heels.

Living One Day as a Squatter

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it must be like to be a squatter.  You know, finding some place to live, for free, without anyone knowing that you're living there.  So I decided to try it out.  Just for one day. I drove around town until I found a home that looked condemned like nobody was home.  It was a cute house on a corner.  I tried the front door, and to my surprise, it was open.

Jubilantly, I marched in, eager for my first squatting experience to begin.  After giving the house a quick walk through, I settled on what seemed to be the master bedroom.  I lay down on the bed and relaxed.

Heh, heh, heh.  This must be where the magic happens.  Oooooooo, this is niiiiiice.

After some brief repose, I wandered into the adjoining room.

Oh, my! This must be the post-magic shower stall.

Ouch.  I'm feeling a stomach cramp.

Whew!  Look!  There's the toilet.

Don't mind me.  I'm just dropping off the kids.

I wonder what's in this drawer?

I may be a squatter, but I can still get in on the family photo.

All this squatting is making me hungry.  Hmmm, what should I eat?  Oh, look!  Two open bottles of A-1!  My favorite.  I think I'll drink them with a straw.  Where are the straws?  Maybe in this cupboard next to the fridge?

BAM!

What the?  I swear, every time I open up this cupboard a can of tomato sauce falls on my feet.  These must be left over from The Grocery Game.

I wonder what's on TV?  Glee, anyone?

I can forgive, but I will never forget.

What a beautiful kitty!

Hey look!  They must have known I was coming because they prepared a room just for me.

Mmmm.  Smells divine.

Coffee?

Tea?

Or me?

If you've ever been squatting-curious, give it a try!  I loved it.

It's Definitely a Place on Earth

It's been no secret here on The Jason Show that Disneyland is not my favorite place.  We live an hour away from it, traffic willing, Diego is six, and as of last weekend, he had never been there.  I know, I know, save the bad parenting judgement for you and your own theme park that you don't like that you've never taken your kid to.

But I sucked it up last weekend and we took Diego to Disneyland.  You see, my lovely sister and her family were there from Utah, and we thought it would be fun to meet them there.  And that was certainly the best part about going to Disneyland!

I had a plan for The Jason Show's trip to Disneyland.  I was going to have my sister take several pictures of me looking bored and miserable in various locations throughout the expensivest happiest place on Earth.    But after the second failed photo in which my sister said I looked like a grumpy old man, I threw that idea straight into the one of the happiest trash cans in the happiest place on Earth.

Instead, I opted for my standard photo face:

Do you see how much fun Diego is having?

I thought it was a beautiful day.  And so did a gajillion 500 billion 5 million other people in Southern California.  At one point it was so crowded walking through New Orleans Square that I decided to just lay back and rest as the pressure of the happiest crowd on Earth held me in place.  I actually took a nap on our way from Pirates of the Carribean to The Haunted Mansion.

But enough.  Here are some photos of the day and the family, for your enjoyment.

Oh, look!  Now Diego is smiling for the pic (under threat by Papi).

Devin was NOT going to show his face in one. More. Photo.

I love my nephews.  They crack me up, especially Devin, the littlest one.  I'd love to repeat the things he said to me as we strolled about, but my sister threatened to disown me if I did.  

Diego's favorite ride was Astro Blasters, the Buzz Lightyear ride.  I have to admit, it was pretty cool.

It was wonderful having Katrine and her family stay over at our house, too.  

Come back soon!

Like a Race Horse

This is my nephew, Devin.  

Madness on Wisteria Lane

Did you know that I live on Wisteria Lane? Here is photographic evidence:

If you were strolling down Wisteria Lane this last Sunday you would have seen a slight of build, forty something man with brown hair, in his front yard, yelling and waving his arms around like a crazy person.  If you knew this man, you would have had to do a double take.  This man does not tend to rant.  He does not tend to tell people off, much less screaming at them in his front yard.

This man has since calmed down, but his rant came upon him so quickly and without warning that he was shocked beyond belief after it was over.  I guess this man had just had enough of the situation, and when pushed, he came slightly unglued.   Some old and (they thought) dear friends pretty much slapped them up one side of their faces and then down the other.   Susan, Bree, Gabby, and Lynette must have had a heyday after hearing about this one!

Not to worry.  It's over now.  Except that last night this man had nightmares all night long about losing control of his emotions and yelling and screaming uncontrollably at a wide variety of people, leaving him exhausted in the morning.

-

Why is it that in some of my worst nightmares I am screaming uncontrollably at people?

It Gets Better

You may have heard about the huge campaign going on right now called the It Gets Better Project.    In light of the rash of gay teen suicides, syndicated columnist and author, Dan Savage, posted a You Tube video of he and his partner, Terry, trying to inspire hope for those gay teens who feel like life is just too much to handle.  From there, it exploded into the It Gets Better Project, and now over 10,000 self made videos have been posted about this very topic.  Many of them are done by celebrities, which is so much appreciated, but most of them came from ordinary Joes and Joannes who hope to make some small difference in the life of a troubled teen.  I've watched a few of them, and I'm a big fan.  If ONLY there was something like that around when I was an adolescent!

This video is one of my favorites, and I found it thanks to one of the very best bloggers out there, Maria from Just Eat Your Cupcake.    It's funny, inspiring, thought provoking, and edgy all at the same time. Just watch:



Thank you, Rebecca Drysdale!

You don't need to submit a video to make a difference in the life of a gay/lesbian teen, or even a child who you think may grow up to be gay.  The It Gets Better Project is asking you to take a pledge:

THE PLEDGE: Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. I pledge to spread this message to my friends, family and neighbors. I'll speak up against hate and intolerance whenever I see it, at school and at work. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bi, trans and other bullied teens by letting them know that "It Gets Better."


It will only take a moment of your time and it will cost you nothing.  Go on, join me in taking the pledge.  I know you can do it, and I know you can make a difference in ending hate and intolerance.

Thanks!  You look nice today.  I like you.