Gay Dating 101: An Interview with a Vampire

Is gay dating the same as straight dating?  You be the judge.

A couple of weeks after our first, rather bizarre date, Brett called.  He actually wanted to get together again;  I figured maybe he wanted to get to my left armpit this time.  Against my better judgement, but going with my need to be with someone gay--anyone--I invited him to come up to my neck of the woods.  I didn't feel like exerting the effort to go down to the OC.  I just wasn't that in to him.

Brett brought "An Interview With a Vampire."  I had never seen it, and I'm not much of a fan of vampire stories, but I did like the idea of just watching a movie.  He popped it in the VCR and we sat on the couch.  He didn't waste any time in edging closer and snuggling in.  As the movie played, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, the only thing he was wearing were his silky corbin garment bottoms.  Wait--garment bottoms?

"Are those---garment bottoms?  You're Mormon?  I was Mormon.  Why do you wear just the bottoms?"  This was just weird.

"I like the silky feel of them.  Plus they're really roomy.  I'm not Mormon anymore--I just like the corbin garment bottoms."  He put it like there was nothing unorthodox about it at all.

When I was Mormon, garments were a turn off.  I think they're meant to be a turn off.  Part of their purpose is to help the wearer maintain his or her chastity.  But now, they were even a bigger turn off, especially being worn only because of their silky roominess.

We continued to not watch the movie.  I worried that his toupee would fall off,  I wondered if he would want to do anything unexpected like lick my armpit, and his garment bottoms made me think of my dad.  So I wasn't really focused, and I wasn't really into it.  But damn.  He knew what he was doing.  I just let him do his thing and before long, I was finished, lack of focus be damned.  I almost immediately began to feel thoroughly grossed out.  So I got resituated, prepared to continue watching Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise pretend like they were vampires.

"Umm, do you think you could, you know, reciprocate?" he asked.

I replied with a half-hearted, half-formed smile, "No, I don't think so."

"You gotta be kidding!"  He began to gather his things.

I just watched, not knowing what else to say, and feeling like a complete jerk.  But I didn't want to do what he wanted me to do.

And he left, much to my relief.

That was the last I saw of Brett.  Poor Brett.  Poor me.