Daniel's 20-Month Old Vocabulary

Words my little toddling grandson has learned to say:

• puppy
• more
• Diego ("Doh doooooh!")
• There you are! ("Deh oo ahhh!")
  
• bottle ("bah-hmmmmm?")
• Rennen ("Nennun")
• Papi
• Dada
• Wow
• Daddy
• cracker
• no
• banana ("nanna")
• Oh, oh.
• Willard ("Wiwwerr")
• out
• car
• phone
• shoes ("sssssshhhhooooooooooooooooos")
• Ines ("Ini")
• TV (wee wee)
• eye
• candy ("nanndeeee")
• Mommy

I had planned on posting this two days ago, but he kept saying new words that I hadn't heard before! Queenofphrump, which words have I missed?

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A Show Family Thanksgiving Retrospective

Thirteen years ago, if I had been able to look forward in time to Thanksgiving 2009, my heart and my mind would have been calmed. I would have been assured. The tumultuous circumstances of that period of time would have made better sense to me, would have seemed part of the greater plan, in spite of the unconventionality, in spite of the unchartered territory, in spite of the fear of the unknown.
Thirteen years ago, if I could have been a silent observer to the words being said at our Thanksgiving meal last night, my eyes would have filled with pride and gratitude and love and amazement and tears.
Thirteen years ago, if I had known of the bumps and ominous craters in our road ahead, my soul would have been struck with panic. Momentarily, until I looked further ahead at the peaceful resting places and reprieves that allow us to evaluate, gain our bearings, and collect our wits. The resting places that let us stand back and look at each other and say, "We're here for the long haul. We're all in this together. We each make it work by setting aside our own selfishness and pulling together. And we love each other."
Thirteen years ago, I would have bounced in giddy excitement for the new additions to our family and the unique individuality that they each offer.
Thirteen years ago, regretting only the pain that my lack of self-awareness and individuality caused, I would have looked ahead in anticipation, allowing the regret to stop right there. For even in my "errors" do I find joy and recognition, turning them into a source of fulfillment and a lifetime of happiness..

My Friend, the Gay Pakistani Pharmacist

A few years ago a friend of ours visited us with his boyfriend, who was a pharmacist from Pakistan. During our weekend together, we had many interesting discussions about the differences between being gay in Pakistan and being gay in the U.S. The differences are astounding on some levels, and not so much on others.

In thinking about this post, I ran across a blogger who had these interesting things to say:

In her acclaimed book The Dancing Girls of Lahore, British author Louise Brown made the following observation: "Homosexuality is derided in public, but it is accepted, provided it remains a secret. The men involved in homosexual acts don’t perceive themselves to be homosexual, and the men’s families won’t perceive them to be homosexual either...Having sex with other men or boys is not associated with stigma providing a man takes a dominant role in sexual encounters. It may even reinforce a man’s masculinity and status because he is sexually dominating others. It is the receptive partner who is despised and ridiculed."

The site further states, "the Pakistan embassy in Hague making it clear that "the homosexual is not accepted as a decent individual, and homosexual acts constitute an offense punishable with imprisonment for life or with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years."

My favorite moment of the weekend was when we were walking down Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood. He walked along with wide eyes, exclaiming things like, "Look! They are holding hands in the public!" or "There are so many gays here all at once!" At one point, after exiting the "Out of the Closet" thrift store, he shouted at the top of the lungs into the street full of traffic, "WE ARE GAYS! WE ARE GAYS!" It made me laugh. It also made me tear up.

Sure, our country has a long way to go in eliminating hatred and prejudice and the unequal treatment of all citizens. But I, for one, am grateful to live in a place that I can be open about who I am and live without the fear under which so many in the world must function.

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This episode originally aired in March, 2008.

The End of the Chapter

Today, with the finalization of the adoption of Daniel as Claire's and Dennis' son, our family comes to the close of a long and painfully trying chapter. Viewers of The Jason Show may remember how this chapter all began, what unthinkable thing happened, and the events that followed. My fingers hesitate to type out the words; it seems that now that this chapter is over, it would be ungrateful to dredge them up again. So, in the spirit of giving thanks, let's just say we are grateful to have such a shining little boy, healthy, happy, safe, and loved.

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A 3-Day Hero

Many of The Jason Show viewers made donations to my friend, Sue, and her 3-day breast cancer walk. I can’t thank you enough for your help, and on multiple occasions, Sue has expressed much gratitude for the amazing support you have given. Thanks to you and others, she was able to meet her fundraising goal of $2,300, the amount needed to enter.

Today Sue is on the third day of her walk, in beautiful San Diego, California. She has been posting on Facebook to keep her followers informed about how things are going:

Day 1:

“20 miles down...40 to go!!! Whoo Hoo!! "Amazing" doesn't even begin to describe it all!”

Day 2:

“Just finished an oceanside picnic lunch! 33.9 down! Over half way for the day AND overall walk!”

“40 miles!!! Wonderful day...wonderful people...even a wonderful truck trailer shower!!”

“I'm dancing my a** off with police officers in short shorts!! Whoo hoo!!”

I’m looking forward to hearing about her third day and her sixtieth mile! Knowing Sue, she will have some side-splitting stories and some touching experience to recount.

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So who is Sue, anyway? Funny you should ask. Just yesterday I scanned this picture of the two of us on a regular teaching day, wearing our typical teaching clothes. (You didn’t know I had an anchor tattoo, did you?)

Sue and I met at the beginning of my third year of teaching when she started at my school. She and her husband had just made the big move from Indiana to California, as he was pursuing his career as an animator.

We hit it off immediately. That first year we were friends was one of gut busting laughter and many tears of fear and grief.

Sue was the first person other than Claire that I told I was gay. She was the first person to hold my hand and tell me it didn’t matter to her that I was gay, she still loved me just the same, and it wasn’t going to change our relationship. She was the one who rode that tumultuous-yet-exciting- coming-out-of-the-closet-roller-coaster with me, lending a shoulder and a listening ear through all my pain, guilt, confusion, and giddiness.

Sue was there to answer all of my newly ex-Mormon questions like how long it takes to prepare a cup of coffee, and how much cream and sugar to use. She educated me about alcohol. She even sat with me on her balcony while I foolishly tried my first cigarette, which I never inhaled because I was too chicken; instead I burned through four or five cigarettes just trying to get up the courage to such the smoke into my lungs, while we giggled and giggled. She even stood the true test of friendship when, against my better gay judgement, I convinced her to cut her hair short and layered, and to go darker, all which resulted in an old lady schoolmarm hairdo which she promptly had fixed. But she forgave me and loved me anyway.

The stories I could tell are countless. I remember the time she and I drank a bunch of whisky sours and laid down on the floor to watch The Sound of Music. I remember the time I was helping her move and we put an old sewing machine and its cabinet in the back of a little pick up truck, only to have it fly out of the truck into the intersection…sewing machine parts everywhere…not a pretty sight. I remember the years that she and I spent getting our master’s degrees together… we signed up for the same program and had all of our classes together.

Ahhhhh. Good times. I eventually transferred to another school and she had three little ones and quit teaching to be with them. We don’t see each other as often as I would like, but I always feel that special spot in my heart warm whenever we do.

And as this episode of The Jason Show is being taped, Sue is finishing the last stretch of her sixty mile heart and soul mission to help others in need and help defeat the enemy to us all that is breast cancer.

Thank you, Sue, for doing this…and everything else.

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Savor Some Single Sentence Soup

Each week The Jason Show sends scouts out into the blogosphere, scouring blogs both well-known and yet-to-be-discovered for those single lines that are attention grabbers. Single sentences that resonate for their element of humor, touch of the bizarre, or ability to provoke thought are prestigiously linked to their author, in hopes that viewers of The Jason Show like you will be able to savor a serving of Single Sentence Soup just as our scouts have.

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I’d spot food with my googly round eyes, and I’d stuff it into my cookie-hole.

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The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the toilet seat. It is wet of course.

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I started moaning. I took my clothes off and laid on the bed thinking I’d just go to bed. How could I? I feel like I’m going to be ill. I put lounge wear on. The hot pink number with the feath – never mind.

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Then he came out of the lake in a hurry, visibly chilled, with little Bojangles popping his head in and out of that little boxer flap with every step over the rocks.

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How to Play Monster

by Diego

First, we, ummm, if you want to, grab a mask and then the one who is being the monster has to hide in a dark closet. And then, you and your dad, if you have one, and if you have a papi, the papi can be the monster and the Ini can be the monster. You split up from you and your dad, if you're old enough, if you're a baby you can't play, only if you're one you can't play. Then your dad pretends he's a monster and then he tries and scares you and he has to chase you. But if he gets your little kid, you have to be done playing. That's why it can't be a baby, see, because a baby can't run as fast as a little kid that's five. After he scares you , you run wherever you want and if you trip over something, and if the monster scares you too much times then you have to get a pillow and when you see him you have to throw it at him! You have to get up and run away. If it's a small room you just have to quit!

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Stuff You Always Wanted to Know But Didn't Know It

These questions come from Pumpkin Delight who got them from Faiqa who got them from Vanity Fair who got them from Proust. But where did Proust get them from? Thanks to Wikipedia I now know who Proust is. God bless Wikipedia.

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What is your idea of perfect happiness? A whole day home alone.

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What is your greatest fear? The "c" word. No, not that "c" word! I mean "cancer!"

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What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? The dark circles under my eyes.

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What is the trait you most deplore in others? Rudeness

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Which living person do you most admire? (I am copying Pumpkin's response verbatim because it is exactly how I feel, too:) I’m never able to answer this question. I don’t know. There are different qualities that I admire in different individuals and qualities that I don’t admire in those same individuals. There isn’t any one person who I look up to as the person I want to be. I think that’s a good thing.

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What is your greatest extravagance? My car.

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What is your current state of mind? Settled

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What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Being absolutely virtuous.

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On what occasion do you lie? I cannot tell a lie. I hardly ever lie. But if I do, they are little, and they are white.

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What do you most dislike about your appearance? The dark, puffy circles under my eyes.

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What is the quality you most like in a man? Approachability

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What is the quality you most like in a woman? Sense of humor

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Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "Ay, Dios mio, que barbaridad!"

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Which talent would you most like to have? The motivation to go to the gym and have a sculpted body. Is that a talent?

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If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A fat cat napping in a warm windowsill without a care in the world.

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Where would you most like to live? Right here in my own house.

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What is your most treasured possession? My computer.

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What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Being sentenced to life in prison, and deserving it.

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What is your favorite occupation? Being the CEO of a large yet philanthropic corporation with garage parking, a corner penthouse office with my own personal lavish bathroom and a hot male secretary that hands me my coffee just the way I like it as I walk past his desk into my office. Nah, make the secretary a funny, entertaining, low maintenance girlfriend. I'd be more at ease with that.

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What is your most marked characteristic? My irresistible sexual magnetism

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What do you most value in your friends? their ability to make me laugh

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Who are your favorite writers? David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, Anne Tyler, Dan Brown, and Dr. Seuss

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Who is your hero of fiction? Captain Underpants. Or Kay Scarpetta. One of the two.

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What is it that you most dislike? things that worry me deeply that I can't really do anything about

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What is your greatest regret? Lack of patience with my family

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How would you like to die? No thank you. Not yet. How would YOU like to die?

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What is your motto? Pick your battles. Not everything is worth the fight.

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A Jason Show Obsession

A Modern Dad

My buddy, Suz, of Buzy Bee Suz, has tagged me with a question. Someone tagged her with the same question about being a modern mom. Her answers were solid and well thought-out. Check them out--I admire her stance toward parenting.

This topic brings to mind my new favorite sit-com, Modern Family. If you haven't watched it yet, you really should. Sometimes my family reminds me of this family in the sense that we're unconventional, quirky, and always trouble-shooting!

Back to the question: What makes you a true/authentic modern dad?

What is a modern parent? One who is living in modern times? That would make all living parents modern parents. So for the purposes of this post, let's assume that a modern dad is one who is raising a family that might be less-conventional, in a manner that would not be considered old fashioned.

My family is definitely less conventional. My husband and I are raising a daughter (17), and a son (5), along with another daughter who lives nearby (20), along with two dogs and two in-laws who live with us part time. Our co-parent is Claire, my ex-wife, and her husband, who live four hours away with our niecester (12) and nephson (1) and their two dogs. Or, as my pal Buzy Bee Suz puts it:

"...he and his man-cake husband are raising a great modern family. Mix in an ex wife, miscellaneous kids, in laws and living on Wisteria lane…he always has something going on!"

At first blush I would describe my parenting as highly instinctive, rather than prescribed. I have never sat down and said to myself, "These are my parenting norms. This is what I do." However, contemplating the issue, I realize that my parenting is much like my teaching. I have high expectations of behavior and performance, and I do my best to enforce those with calm, non-emotional consequences on a consistent basis. With an emphasis on the I do my best part, and a footnote that teaching is easier than parenting.

Each of my children is very different from the other. In parenting there is certainly cannot be a one-size fits all attitude. Each child needs to be treated according to his/her personality and conduct. That being said, I carry the same expectations for all of my children, as well as my students:

1. Make good decisions. My children know that I expect them to do just that. When they do make good decisions, the rewards for it are natural, i.e., I trust them more and I am more likely to allow them privileges that they wouldn't otherwise be given. When they don't make good decisions, I ask them to make a better one. When they still don't make a better decision, that it when I intervene and help them to make a better decision or dole out some sort of natural and fair consequence.

2. Solve problems. I emphasize independent problem solving, and when I see it happening I try to reinforce that behavior. When my kids have a problem, I strive to turn it back to them and allow them to solve it for themselves while I stand by. Obviously, when the problem is of a larger proportion I get involved, but most of them time I don't need to. Having a classroom full or a house full of problem solvers makes management so much easier.

3. Show respect. Through it all, respect is paramount. I show my children respect, I expect them to show the same to me and to others. When this happens, they reap the rewards of being respected themselves. When it doesn't, I firmly remind them to show respect. If disrespect continues, natural consequences follow, but they are immediately expected to be respectful afterward.

These are my expectations. Nevertheless, sometimes, no matter what you do, children will choose to do what they want. No matter what you do. Having parented a teen who went through some very, very difficult times, I felt helpless and questioned my own parenting skills at every turn. There was a time that nothing worked, no matter what we did. There was a period when we just reacted, reacted, and reacted. None of the proactive strategies worked. But the reacting was just as ineffective, and counterproductive. That was when we had to learn to not react. And not blame ourselves for our teen's poor choices. But that's a whole 'nother tag question, parenting the troubled/rebellious teen.

Make good decisions, solve problems, and show respect. They're guidelines for discipline in the classroom, in the home, and for life!

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This post is dedicated to my mentor, Marcia.

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Living on Wisteria Lane: Filming a Reality Show?

Reality Trumps Fiction

Did you know that I live on Wisteria Lane? If you think I'm being facetious

or if you think I'm lying, here is photographic evidence:

Living in this part of Los Angeles county, it is not uncommon to see film crews, equipment, and Star Wagons lining the streets, in the process of producing movies and television shows. Talk to anyone who has lived here for any amount of time, and you'll hear stories about the time that such and such a show was filmed in their part of town, or when they saw a famous so and so. If you watch shows like CSI, Melrose Place, Weeds, 24, or Jag, to name a few, you will most likely see areas in our community.

Incidentally, an episode of a new, upcoming television series will be filmed on our street at the end of this week. We received a flyer explaining the details regarding film equipment, crew, no parking zones, and a description of the filming to be done:

"On Friday between the hours of 1:00 pm to 6:00 am: We will have exterior dialogue in front of 2706 Wisteria Lane to be followed by a picture car drive up and away and exterior dialogue scenes of talent along Wisteria Lane walking & talking towards 2706 where we'll ultimately move into the house for interior filming. We will have interior special effects of glass breaks and a body hit on a stunt man. Additionally, we'll have scenes along the entrance of Wisteria Lane/Magnolia Street whereby a police team and their cars with flashing lights facing toward the back porch of 2706 Wisteria Lane. We will have camera, condor/camera crane & equipment placement will be in the street. During this time we've requested for sheriff assistance for traffic/pedestrian control to ensure safety."

Except for the filming from one in the afternoon until six o'clock the next morning, it sounded reasonable. It seemed like another detective/police/crime drama, and of course it's interesting to have this done on my very own street. Curious, I went to the show's website to check out the show.

The show is touted as a REALITY show that takes place in LOUISIANA. They say all of the footage is actual, "the show is real." REALITY? Does this sound like reality to you?

"We will have interior special effects of glass breaks and a body hit on a stunt man. Additionally, we'll have scenes along the entrance of Wisteria Lane/Magnolia Street whereby a police team and their cars with flashing lights facing toward the back porch of 2706 Wisteria Lane."

I guess in show business, even the real stuff is made up.

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Au revoir, Mirrored Forehead

You may recall this unfortunate post, where I berated my very own shiny forehead.

And you may recall that my dear, loving, well-intentioned viewers left suggestions such as these as how to deal with the mirror above my eyes:

"I once had a beautiful table with a very high gloss finish...I sanded it down, and put a sealer on it. The sealer was optional to prevent moisture damage, something your forehead shouldn't have a problem with. But..I like your forehead just the way it is. Maybe bangs?"

Sand it down? Put a sealer on it? Bangs? Grandma J?!

"i recommend an oil free pressed powder. neutrogena makes a good one. seriously. if you get one of those little sponge applicators and barely put any powder on it people wouldn't even be able to tell you had any on...just a little powder to buffer the shine."

This sounds like it's two shakes shy of make up. But I did consider this, Natalie.

"One word my dear:

HATS."

Katy, I hate hats. I feel silly in hats. I only wear a baseball cap when it is really sunny and I'm going to be outside for a while and I don't want to burn. And I hate every minute of it. So not HATS.

"Have you tried spackle??"

Spackle? Spackle? Are you kidd---oh, wait, that was Michel, joking. Michel, that was a good one!

"Let Mama tell you what works: Smashbox anti-shine compact (semi-solid) followed by Bare Minerals powder foundation and mineral veil. As a bonus it has SPF 15 so your handsome forehead doesn't get skin cancer.

Don't even try to tell me you don't wear make-up either. I know all that handsome on you isn't natural."

You know I love MOM#1. And I thought about her suggestion for a while, until I saw the comment from my sister that threw me into an even deeper conundrum:

"I know all these people mean well, but do not start to wear make-up. do you hear me?! My brother is not going to wear make-up. Be proud of your shine!"

Alas, the Show producers are pleased to announce that Jason has finally solved his shiny forehead problem WITHOUT the use of sandpaper, sealer, spackle, corn starch, foundation, minerals, or MAKE UP. And all I had to do was look in the next cabinet over. Giancarlo came home with this magical stuff from The Body Shop and my shiny forehead worries are now a thing of the past:

Although I must say I will miss this special connection with Jamie:

"You + Me = 'shiny happy people holding hands...' "

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A Very Jason Show Autumn

         

 

   

Really Deep Thoughts About the Universe

Have you ever thought about the endless universe and how it goes on and on and on, infinitely? How does something continue to go on and on and on without ending? But then, try to imagine the idea of the universe just ending, like you get to the edge of it and then there is just nothing. But what is nothing? It's hard to imagine nothing! So I try to think about the universe never ending but it just boggles my mind too much. So then I just don't think about it anymore until I think about it again.

Do you know what I mean?

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Hot or Not?

Don’t answer that.

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(Photos courtesy of Tami H.)