A few years ago a friend of ours visited us with his boyfriend, who was a pharmacist from Pakistan. During our weekend together, we had many interesting discussions about the differences between being gay in Pakistan and being gay in the U.S. The differences are astounding on some levels, and not so much on others.
In thinking about this post, I ran across a blogger who had these interesting things to say:
In her acclaimed book The Dancing Girls of Lahore, British author Louise Brown made the following observation: "Homosexuality is derided in public, but it is accepted, provided it remains a secret. The men involved in homosexual acts don’t perceive themselves to be homosexual, and the men’s families won’t perceive them to be homosexual either...Having sex with other men or boys is not associated with stigma providing a man takes a dominant role in sexual encounters. It may even reinforce a man’s masculinity and status because he is sexually dominating others. It is the receptive partner who is despised and ridiculed."
The site further states, "the Pakistan embassy in Hague making it clear that "the homosexual is not accepted as a decent individual, and homosexual acts constitute an offense punishable with imprisonment for life or with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years."
My favorite moment of the weekend was when we were walking down Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood. He walked along with wide eyes, exclaiming things like, "Look! They are holding hands in the public!" or "There are so many gays here all at once!" At one point, after exiting the "Out of the Closet" thrift store, he shouted at the top of the lungs into the street full of traffic, "WE ARE GAYS! WE ARE GAYS!" It made me laugh. It also made me tear up.
Sure, our country has a long way to go in eliminating hatred and prejudice and the unequal treatment of all citizens. But I, for one, am grateful to live in a place that I can be open about who I am and live without the fear under which so many in the world must function.
.
This episode originally aired in March, 2008.
23 comments:
Jason, we still have a LONG way to go in the U.S!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!
Though we still have a way to go . . .
Yes, we still do have a long way to go but, I agree, it's tougher in some countries than in others. I'm glad your friend was able to experience the feeling of being accepted for who he is during his stay.
Yes, we have a long ways to go but I am thankful too that you don't have to live in fear like your friends. This makes me very sad for your friends. I am thankful for you Jason and all of your family. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. XXOO Lori
Funny. That's what you do every time we walk into the D.O. :)
We are getting there...equal opportunities for everyone...ONE DAY! Great post. Happy Thankgiving to the Show family.
XOXOX
Suz
Another thing to be grateful for!!
Have a great Turkey Day!
Wait, haven't I read this before?
While we may have a long way to go - we are still so much farther than other places on this planet. The U.S. is certainly not perfect - by any stretch of the imagination - but we are so fortunate to live here.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Jason. Lots of hugs too!
Cheers, Cindy
It makes me sad to think that we just can be who we are without all the judgement... jeez. Live and let live!
I'm glad I didn't stay at your house and have you take a photo of me. I look silly with my CPAP headgear on. ;-)
Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom has traveled to India several times and has many close Indian friends. When discussing the subject of homosexuality, even the more enlightened truly do not think that homosexuality exists there to the extent to which it does in America.
Well, I guess we do have a lot to be thankful for . . . but I'm still hopeful for more. You know us homo types, never satisfied, LOL.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Jason, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!
Great Post! This is especially important to remember as we celebrate family and the holidays. It makes me really really really sad when I think of those who still are not accepted by families who hold rules of society ahead of love for their own children. A person only has to travel inland a few hundred miles to reach the destination of homophobiaville. The quotes were very well written and totally true yet stupid all the same. Let us all be merciful in our own understanding that what is feared, is that which we are ignorant of, and to do better we must know better.
Amazing! Pakistan is one of the few places I've traveled, and it's AMAZING to me the subtleties about sexuality we found there. My long-haired ex was asked multiple times by all the short-haired, moustached men if he was a "2-in-1" (code for gay, trans, and intersex).
Sometimes change starts just by seeing what is possible. Maybe their visit to you in this land of comparative tolerance will effect some small change in his own life in his own homeland. I hope so.
On a lighter note, hope your Thanksgrubbing was spectacular!
I had a very close friend when I was growing up who was Indian and he came out after our senior year. His parents were mortified by it and were making a HUGE deal about it ("dishonor! dishonor!" and other such nonsense). My mother who was at the time a Pakistani living in America for over 20 years told them that they were being crazy. She reminded them of all the reasons that they were lucky he was their son and that it wasn't right for them to only accept the parts of him that *they* thought were "OK."
I'd like to take it as a small proof that sometimes the laws of a nation don't always reflect the hearts of some of the more tolerant individuals that live there? Or that a lot of times when people are given the opportunity to stand up for someone that they will? Or that, yes, America is an amazing place where a conservative Pakistani woman can be something of a gay activist, if only for just one boy?
Also, this issue of dominance dates back to ancient Greece, correct? Ironically, the Greeks did not have a term that resembled our modern "homosexual" which I believe was coined in the early 20th century? Some historians have argued that this lack of the term homosexual alludes to the idea that having relations with the same sex was not really viewed as being abnormal until people started creating categories like that. Being fluent in Urdu, I can't seem to recall a word that means "gay" or "lesbian". But, maybe I just don't know the word.
Annnd this comment has officially gotten way too long. Sorry.
At any rate, I'm glad that you wrote this post. I hope with all my heart that your friend, the gay Pakistani pharmacist, is happy and whole today.
West Hollywood certainly changes your perspective on alot of things whether you are gay, straight, bi, celibate, American, Afghani, Lithuian, or Pakistani. I relish in the freedom of expression there, Thank God for the GAYS!!!
Thank God for the Gays!!
Very well said.
The Pakistani attitude toward homosexuality reminds me a great deal of the Greek practice of pederasty, in which a grown man took an dolescent boy as a lover but remained a father and husband as well.
The sexual relationship was only looked down upon if the man allowed the adolescent to assume a dominant position, as this implied social superiority and was unbecoming of either of their stations.
I complain a lot about the U.S. as well, but we do have it much better off than many people. Then again, many Western Europeans enjoy freer environments than we.
I think every human on this planet is special. And loved by God : ).
Just this morning I heard on the news about the laws in a foreign country (I forget which one) that state that homesexuality is illegal. They throw them in jail! I was appalled! And they just passed a new law that states if a person is involved in aggravated homosexual acts that they will be hanged.
HANGED!
And the example they gave of an aggravated homosexual act is when two people of the same sex participate in sexual acts when they knowingly have aids.
I am so glad to be an American.
Post a Comment