The doctor was pooping in the stall next to us. All of the telltale noises reverberated throughout the restroom, and loud public toilet flushes joined in perfect public harmony, the kind that you only seem to experience in airport bathrooms after long flights. I cringed and rolled my eyes.
"...yes, yes, we ordered the CT scan and there was no obstruction, that is what I am telling you..."
The doctor was pooping in the stall next to us and taking an important phone call, in an authoritative, slightly irritated doctor sort of way. He spoke in a thick accent, one I could not quite identify.
As I urged Diego to finish his own business through gritted teeth, I wondered. "What does the person on the other end of this call think about all of this grunting and flatulence and flushing? Is this person a nurse who experiences this sort of thing from typically eccentric and egocentric physician, or is this person a loved one of a patient, or a patient himself? Are they just grateful that he took the call after being unavailable during his flight?"
"...no, she will not need that type of medication...no, we will wait for the test results....and I...no...no....absolutely not." FLUSH!!! he flushed.
FLUSH!!! we flushed. And all three of us walked out of our stalls at the same time. I can never make eye contact in these situations, although if I haven't seen the person's face, sometimes I secretly scan shoes in the restroom to find the culprit next to me. I feel so disgusting while I do it, but I can't help myself. I'm observant.
.
Again, I muse. Why did he have to answer right at that moment? Are doctors required to answer all phone calls, even when they're indisposed, having a bowel movement in a public restroom? Or did he just choose to answer because he is very conscientious, or maybe he had a patient that he was particularly worried about?
.
Or was he simply one of those people with no sense of public restroom etiquette at all?
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35 comments:
I think that busy mom's know what this is about. Some people don't have any time to themselves and I think that in this situation it must be irritating to a doctor that life is that busy in a medically demanding situation. For some people there might just not be enough time in the day. I side with the doctor on this one.
I want to know if that was the actual bathroom stall he was in that you took a photograph of...
I agree with you - I don't care how busy you are. You DON'T have to be on the cell phone while you are doing #2 or even #1. I actually feel that way about most things done with a cell phone glued to your ear, but while using the bathroom is just wrong.
ohhh Jason....this blog is soooo up my poop alley as you well know.
Loved it!
And BTW....I also scan shoes beneath the stalls....
Daughter #2 has a habit of calling me during "poop time".
peace
We have a "no cell phones in the bathroom" rule in this house. It disgusts me that I had a make a rule about it.
You and Whoopi Goldberg could go on a long, mutual rant about this.
Irresistible--my word verification is shetiff. As in "only shet iff you're not talking on the phone."
Yes, excuse me while I coolly & efficiently poop while telling you about your CT results. Having worked in medical most of my adult life, it never ceases to amaze me that so many thought I wanted to "land" a doctor.
NO THANKS. ~Mary
lalalalala!
You are toooooo funny, Jason. Having Diego with you at that time was a blessing, huh. Life has changed so much since cell phones.
I have no idea why people do this. And I'm horrified to admit that my husband will actually CALL ME AT WORK while he is *ahem* indisposed.
Hallie
Seriously, what is wrong with some people? I've heard so many people talk on their cellphones in public restrooms. Is nothing sacred?!
I never knew there was such a thing as public restroom etiquette. Ok, maybe the obvious stuff like no pushing or shoving, and single file.
I'm on the doctors side, and I hope my doctor takes the time to call me with test results no matter where he is.
My hubby talks back to people when he's in a public restroom and one's on the phone. He'll hold a whole conversation.
Once the phoner catches on that Eric is LOUDLY making fun of him, said phoner will usually hang up.
Eric will also announce to the world that 'That disgusting pig didn't even wash his hands!'
Since it's your blog, I won't pass on some of his more disgusting-but-hysterical remarks about, er, dickcheese.
Ewwww.... No talking on phones in the potty.... That's right up there with no eating in the potty. Double ewww.....
although i'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he specialized in patients with irritable bowel syndrome and was trying to make the one on the phone "feel at home" or give them the illusion that it's very common and nothing to be embarrassed about, i don't hold doctors, as a group, in very high esteem. more likely was that he is so self-important that he couldn't give two shits (no pun intended) how this seemed to anyone that might hear especially the person on the other end of the phone. in japan they have these battery operated devices that when you press a button it makes a flushing sound so when the doer is in the act of a flourish of flatulence, she/he presses the button and the toilet flushing sound drowns out the other sounds. people are crazy!
Well, I have three physicians in my immediate family, and I can safely say I have never known any of them to make a phone call from a public restroom.
I *do* know, however, that there is an interesting dynamic that occurs when they get phone calls. Some patients find waiting more than a few hours for a returned phone call completely UNFORGIVABLE. So there's a sense of urgency to take care of the call right away. Plus, why leave for later what you can take care of right now?
At the same time, some spouses of physicians consider taking a phone call during a family event without leaving the premises really upsetting. (My SIL, for example, trained my brother very early on that he has to get up and leave the table or go outside to take a call at a restaurant).
So, maybe this guy was actually *hiding* from his spouse and returning the phone call. And being a highly efficient man, decided he'd kill two birds with one stone. :)
I feel I need a shower now. Thanks.
:)
Sometimes I think you make this stuff up.
Worse than that is when someone, especially those you don't know, attempts to have a convo with you while in the stall. It is so unnerving...I get stage fright as it is if I think someone knows that is specifically the sound of my pee hitting the toilet water...let alone trying to find out what I am doing this weekend on top of it all.
oh...and then I get so scared that I end up not being able to go, then things get even worse because now I feel silly that I never went, and they never heard my pee hit the toilet water, and now it looks like I'm faking it...and who does that? Who fakes t that they need to go the bathroom?
I'm sure the good doctor was careful to wipe down his cell phone with one of those alcohol wipes after he finished washing his hands. Otherwise...ew.
I'm such a klutz, I'd be too afraid of dropping the phone in the toilet to attempt a conversation.
And I think Ami needs to blog about dickcheese :)
I totally scan shoes, to see who the annoying person is! Haha
And that just disgusts me, that he's in there on the phone...
Better question: did he wash his hands afterwards?
Ew! Flagrant violation of rest room etiquette. But nice idea about scanning the shoes; gotta try that one.
The only person that I ever heard have a cell phone convo in a public restroom was in DIRE need of a nice pedicure.
Here's a poo Q for you... A Q&A for the token gay (although it has nothing at all to do with being gay)... Does Diego try to invade your potty time? It seems like no matter how many times I tell her, my daughter always interrupts my business while I'm doing my business, so does your clan do the same thing??
Jason, you should write a book about your life experiences!
Poor Dr.... or patient in this case.
I think all of the Sista's pooping stories have rubbed off on you, cuz you know we love to talk about poop!!
#1
And if that's not bad enough, when he was done, he may have been holding his phone in his wipe hand! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
Justine :o )
I don't know about you, but if I'm on the phone with someone and I hear a flush, I HANG THE HELL UP ON THEM!
gross me out. At least he washed his hands, right?
X;-/ Lol!
I can only understand this if it's an emergency. Toilet time is best kept PRIVATE.
This is so wrong on so many levels, I just don't know where to begin. Of course, my jersey a$$ would have to say something to his raggedy face.
Did he wash his hands?
Oh, Lord!! There is something so wrong about this!
I used to have a job where I had to carry a walkie-talkie with me all the time. There would be times when I would be in the bathroom, and someone would call me on the radio.
I could not COULD NOT answer the radio while on the john. I would just ignore the call, and then when I was done and out of the bathroom I would call the person back.
(remember, on a walkie-talkie, everyone on the net can hear you) There is no way I would ever key open my microphone while any tinkling, plopping or flushing was going on in the background!
I hate listening to people on the phone in the bathroom. Especially because it's just so rude to the person on the other end of the phone and, as well, because I just don't need running commentary while I'm doing my business. Makes it difficult to concentrate on the job at hand, er...well, you know.
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