Here is something I truly detest: I just hate going to parties where I don't know anybody.
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Today I have to take Diego to a preschool graduation party at the home of one of his classmates, and I won't really know anyone else there. So I will have to sit there and force myself to make friendly conversation with people that I don't know and probably will never see again. The anti-social part of me plays a tape over and over again saying why should I bother to make the effort to get to know these people when I know I will have no kind of future with them and never see them again? The silliest thing is that at most of these functions, people are very kind. Somehow that doesn't matter.
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I'd rather go to the dentist. I'd rather have same day surgery. I'd rather get road rash. I'd rather eat a jar full of mayonnaise with a spoon. I'd rather walk naked down main street. I'd rather get in the tub with this. I'd rather have an eel in my shirt.
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I am generally a friendly person. Ask anyone who knows me. But I also have a very shy, vulnerable side to me that doesn't do well in large social groups.
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I've reached a point in my life where I feel pretty secure about who I am. Put me in a group of people I know and I can be the life of the party. But not in these sorts of situations. Is it the old junior high Jason that rears its insecure head every time I have to do this sort of thing? Probably.
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43 comments:
As a parent, our children tend to dictate some of our social activities. I'm sure some of the other parents feel the same way. Ask them!
I never got those vibes from you, and you seemed so easy to be around.
Does Amelia know how to work that camcorder?
Ditto! Except for the walking naked down main street part.
I hope you meet someone so surprisingly wonderful you become friends : ).
I have to do the same thing with Kaishon all the time and I hate it. I hate making pointless conversations for hours at a time.
I guess we have to do it until our babies grow up though, right?
Wait, I'm still trying to get past the PRESCHOOL GRADUATION PARTY part! Is this a typical event out there in CA? I'm a little dumbfounded, but maybe it's a regional thing.
Anyway, I say just plaster on that handsome smile of yours and muddle through as best you can. It probably only takes most people about 3 1/2 minutes to realize what an awesome man you are, so the rest should be a piece of cake! Or, you could just be the anti-social weirdo who hovers over his child, and doesn't talk to the other grown-ups. Your call!! ;-)
Yes! It is the old junior high awkwardness that rears its ugly head, if you ask me. I'm the same way sometimes, depending on my frame of mind. If I don't feel good about myself, it can take over. But if I'm wearing my freak flag (feeling pretty awesome), I can flit around the room just looking for a new face to meet.
Since other people probably feel uncomfortable in that situation too, saying how you feel about it to a select person in the room might give you just the ally you need to get through it, and you might make a new friend. Much better than having an eeeeel in your shirt.
I'm that way too. Except I'm shy even with people I know.
This applies only to real life of course.
In the Internet world I'm a lot more outgoing.
I'm with ChiTownGirl...a preschool graduation party?! Holy toddler butts Batman!
Back in my day we graduated from high school and college...and that was it. Now these little whippersnappers are graduating willy nilly all over the place!
Ahahahaha...I just love trying to sound like Granny Clampett! ;o)
What do you do at a Pre-School Graduation party? Do they do keg-stands with fruit punch?
:-O
I hope you have fun with your party and maybe you'll meet someone fun or even find that you know someone there! Good Luck!
I'm right there with you. Except for the mayonnaise part. Because I saw my brother do that once (well, the jar wasn't full when he started) and I nearly vomited.
You'll do just fine. Pretend they're all in their underwear!
I don't think I am very insecure, but I just HATE those kid parties. There are probably tons of interesting people there, but the venue makes every single one of us seem terminally DULL....
I am SO glad the kids are big enough that I NEVER have to do that again.
NEVER.
I think it happens to all of us. I also think it gets worse as we get older because we have such full lives already, you almost dread meeting some fantastic new person because who has the time?
I have 4 words for you:
Margaritas in your thermos.
'Nuff said.
I find that keyboard socializing like this is FAR easier....
Sorry, Jason, that's part of the parenting deal as well you and Giancarlo know. The other parents probably feel the same way.
I know how you feel. I am really, really good at hiding it, though. But, I always feel anxious and apprehensive about stuff like this. And it doesn't help that our kids are involved, does it? I feel like I *have* to be brave and sociable or my kid will grow up to be an antisocial with no friends, and it'll be all my fault. Not logical, I know, but it's how I feel.
I tend to dread it until I get there and it usually ends up being not as bad as I think it was going to be... hopefully they at least have good food!
I totally hate that too. I spent 2 hours at an arcade for a little boys birthday party the other day and the birthday boy was 45 minutes late! Way to piss off the grouchy pregnant lady!
And I am your polar opposite on this one. It is why I love going to NY but hate partying in my hometown(I've lived here 44 years). I CAN'T STAND GOING TO PARTIES WERE I KNOW EVERYONE. ~Mary
Welcome to my whole freaking life! Especially this past decade.
Good golly, I was just having this very conversation with someone else today. I really like intimate dinners, lunches, and coffees with someone much better than big parties. (It is so much harder to spit gin at big parties.)
I love your heart Jason.
I really feel the same way, glad I am not the only one.
BTW: why a graduation party from preschool? Was it a surprise. the graduating part, not the party.
I was with you all the way... until that whole walking naked down Main Street part. 'Cause, you know? That might be kinda fun.
Along the same vein, I hate playdates. I am totally insecure about having to make small talk at a kitchen table with a mom of one of my kids' friends. I mean I do this ALL. THE. TIME. at baseball games, on the playground, at gymnastics, etc. but somehow doing it "momo e momo" scares the crap out of me.
I hope that in spite of your hesitations - you had a great time. I feel the same way at large social gatherings where I don't know anyone. I think you hit the nail on the head... old junior high insecurities.
Cheers, Cindy
I am so with you on this one. I hate small talk. Really really hate it.
I don't like parties either. I feel like "plastic face lady" at those things. Ugh.
oh God me either! i wish i was at your party. i'd love to meet you.
Why do you say you won't see these people again? Presumably many of them are parents of kids that Diego will go to school with for the next 17 years!
It's time to make friends. Just do it one at a time, and it won't seem so intimidating. I've met some of my best friends through visiting with my kids' friends parents.
This makes meeting you all that much more special. :)
I'm wondering how it went. I bet it wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be...let us know.
Bossy thinks about socializing as trying to uncover the little surprise each person usually carries. Wine helps.
Well for goodness sakes, who the hell has a preschool graduation party anyway?????? What are they celebrating? The ability not to poop their pants for 4 hours?
Justine :o )
Does picturing everyone in their underwear help?
No really, I understand how you feel but I have met some of my very best friends through my kids. You just never know who is going to see you from across the room, come over and instantly click with you. That is how it happened for Blog this Mom and I. And now she is my very best friend in the whole world. Besides Jamie of course who is my kid. :-)
I love your heart too Jason!
Eeew! I am officially grossed out after reading about the self proclaimed artis with the eel in her shirt!
*shivers*
As far as those parties go... I think it's because you have to basically fake it. I HATE faking it, I agree, why should I take the effort to act interested in these people if I'll never see them again?
Sometimes it's just too much work to be polite!
Dude! I feel your pain! I have to go to stupid national days or diplomatic functions ALL THE TIME and more painful than the whole "nobody's going to like me" issue (which ALWAYS rears its ugly head) is the "WHY THE HELL WON'T THIS PERSON SHUT UP AND GO AWAY?" issue.
And, more importantly, why is it always the unattractive really boring ones that stand there blathering on and on...
Damnitt!
At parties like these, I become The Question Asker and The Listener.
But, I like real friendship much more, where conversation is easy, not forced.
Attending is twice as much fun as hosting them though!!
Just keep this thought: This could be my party!! Thanks goodness I'm only a guest.
Word! I totally agree!
I am a fan of not going...Diego won't remember.
I love reading all of the comments questioning "why" hold a party for preschool graduation! Maybe that's part of your hesistation...maybe you feel the same way. I would far prefer to have coffee with one or two intimate friends than spend time with a bunch of people I don't know, too...but, if ya gotta go, ya gotta go, and if you take an open mind, often something good happens.
How did it go?
I just absolutely LOVE going to parties that I know no one!!
What we do for our children. Bleh. I once went on vacation with my ex-husband's entire family--mother, sisters, nieces, nephews--just so my children could hang out with them. It was the worst vacation in all of history. But it made my children happy.
Yup, I hear you on this one. I am in human resources, requiring me to have above-the-top people skills, like you do as a teacher. But underneath, when I have to walk into a room full of strangers and "make nice", I am full of angst and shyness and "what if nobody likes me?" insecurities. Yep, I am with you.
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