The Nerd Who Made It

I was born a nerd. I'm pretty sure God made me that way; I didn't become one because of my close relationship with my mother or my lack of bonding with my father. My parents did, however, do many things to contribute to my nerdly ways.

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The most obvious was the fact that my mother made all of my clothes. Jeans, shirts, shorts, jackets, suits, you name it. Even underwear. Yes, my mother made my underwear. But they didn't look like normal store-bought underwear. They looked funny, and they didn't fit well. There wasn't enough fabric in the crotch. So things hung out. And my homemade jeans didn't fit well either. So combine those two things with raging junior high erections, and you've got a recipe for nerdly disaster. Thank God I had a math book.

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I digress. In elementary school I hated recess, and I begged my teachers let me stay in and help them correct papers or pass out materials. Usually they wouldn't let me, saying that I needed to go run and play. I didn't want to run and play. I didn't want to show the other kids how I didn't know how to play a single sport or how terrified I was of the ball.

I always got the best grades in my class. That was how I found that one shred of self esteem. However, after a couple of years, kids began resenting me.

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Not only was I a nerd, I was an effeminate nerd who had no understanding what it was to be effeminate, and no understanding of why kids made fun of me. My natural tendency was to skip merrily along my way with my funny looking clothes and my 110% spelling test clutched in my hand, preferring to play with the girls. Along about third grade the kids began calling me a fag or a dick or a dweeb every single day.

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Aside from my unfortunate wardrobe issues in junior high, my nerdliness was compounded with a severe and fiery explosion of acne all over my face and neck. Plus I realized that I loved drama and was in many junior high theater productions. On top of that, some kids would think that they could bully me into letting them copy my homework or classwork or even tests. On that range, I stood my ground, refusing to let them copy because they were mean to me and besides that it wasn't honest. Then they hated me even more. Good thing they didn't know I was in love with my best friend.

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Finally high school arrived. For being such a smart kid I was pretty slow on the uptake as far as figuring out why kids hated me so much. So...I told my mom I was going to begin buying my own clothes thankyouverymuch, I learned about Acutane, I kept my grades a secret, and what else was there? Oh yeah. I turned off my personality. All except for the part about being kind to others, because in the Ann Lander's handbook, "How to Be Popular: You're Never Too Young or Old," she said that the key to being popular was to be kind and genuine to people and show them you were truly interested in them.

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All of those things combined turned my life around. The last three years of high school were much better for me.

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And in college I had to make a magazine clipping collage about myself. I came across a caption that said it all, and I proudly pasted it right at that top:

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"THE NERD WHO MADE IT"

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