Only my closest, most observant, and most perceptive of friends may have seen this coming. Most people in my life assume that my relationship is peachy keen; I don't really talk much about its turbulent nature. Over the last year or so, things have gotten bad. Nauseatingly bad. So bad that I can't even stand to look at him or touch him. Even the way he smells has gotten to be something I can no longer tolerate. For years I was willing to overlook the bad for the sake of the good, but no more. I was never planning for this to happen, nobody ever plans for this kind of thing to happen. Thinking back, we got together so slowly that I don't even know exactly when it happened. Sure, we had our moments, those times that I thought it would work. But then things slowly got worse and worse. I think I will be able to move on without too much of a problem. Without his knowledge, I've kept other options close at hand. The thought of breaking up has been skulking around in the back of mind; each day I've been coming closer and closer to this decision without fully realizing it. But then tonight during dinner, the clouds cleared in a single moment. It was as clear as day, and I couldn't believe it had taken me this long to come to my senses. I confided in my father-in-law regarding the precarious state of my relationship. And I am even blogging about it now, but I still haven't told him.
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My relationship with fish is now officially over.
I, Jason Show, hereby no longer eat fish. I am a non-fish eater. I've had enough of the taste, the smell, the bones, the scales, the slime, the way it looks, all of it! I can't stand it anymore.
Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck!
I want a fish divorce!
55 comments:
OH MY GOSH!!!
Did you contact an attorney yet???
You are such a brat! I hope it's not a messy divorce.
LOL ... hee hee hee hee ... You are sooooo funny!
Carla
XXXX
OMG!! I'm coming over to spank you, right now!! I thought you were talking about your hubby!!
Then, I thought it was a Pet Fish!! Now, I get it, you don't want to eat fish. No suprise considering what it smells like.
well i have to say i'm not surprised. i mean i don't know you, but you seem like a reasonable guy. if the fish wasn't going to clean up it's act for you...well you were more than patient. it's time to move on.
and for the record...i only like fresh fish. and when i say fresh i mean it had to be alive and well earlier that day. i will not eat fish that hasn't seen the sun come up the same day it's on my plate. i've got my principles you know.
It's like taking off a band-aid. Do it quick--and the pain will be over before you know it.
Bwaaa Haaaa Haaaa!
That was a good one. I was thinking, "Oh my god, I was just with GC today and he seemed fine!" Just kidding.
No worries, just tell people that you are allergic, that is all anyone needs to hear.
Okay, now that was just WRONG. I was ready to send someone out for an intervention.
And how are you going to enjoy my Blackened Ahi with Mango Salsa and Wasabi Aoili when I post it???
I'm right there with you on that one...I cannot stand fish either! Whew...and after reading the first part of the entry I thought I was going to have to write something cheery for you...but on this- I totally agree :)
Omg, you had me going there you little stinker. Almost picked up the phone to call #2 to tell her.
Thank god it's only fish. I love fish, as long as it's cooked.
#1
Fish and I? We never hung out, I think you are making the right call!!
You know, I thought there was something fishy about the whole story... and sure enough, I was, as usual, right.
I like fish, but I don't think they should be allowed to marry or have children.
I was so bumming as I read the first paragraph I'm so glad it was fish.
I like fish as long as it's fresh and not Mrs. Paul's. It has to be cooked too...no sushi.
Here's my question for you, Jason.
Pietro cooks for you? You are sooo lucky. When are you going to do a cooking segment with him like Pioneer Woman does with her guests.
Don't you think you're being a little rash?? I mean, sure you can declare all river fish dead to you, but what about swordfish or Sushi.
Think of the california rolls man!!!
I think you may have made a hasty decision, even if you think it was a long time coming. It's not too late to try to get him back.
I agree and fully support your decision.
Yuck!
Why fish? Was he really that horrible to you? He didn't cheat did he? That louse! has he grovelled for your forgiveness?? You deserve better!!
Good God Man you totally had me. I was all like WTF and how did I miss this and I really have to get my head out of the office more than a couple minutes a nite.
too funny. Except I totally love fish. love it love it love it. Maybe you just need a Fishover - someone to fix it a new way?
So . . . I shouldn't order the Chilean sea bass when we go out to dinner?
Sheez. You scared me dude.
And, of course, I support your decision fully. :)
hmmmm, something smells a lil fishy here.
you had me going you bad boy, you. i am glad its not you and the hubb. but you know what they say about eating fish....
once you get past the smell, you got it licked.
well, they say that about other things too, ewwwww
c
Like they say, something is rotten in Denmark, eww! (as a vegetarian whose cats like stanky canned whitefish)
You are a very, very naughty man. Shame on you for making me freak out like that.
I love fish, but my hubby is like you. The only way he can eat it is if is prepared in such a way that you can't tell it's fish anymore.
Is it just fish or all seafood you've turned your back on? I know some really good shrimp I could hook you up with.
Funny! We are in the process of setting up a 55 gallon salt water fish tank. I think I am engaged to fish.
I oughta slap you.
That said, I think fish owes you alimony.
I wasn't fooled for a minute--I knew there was going to be a trick ending
I'll cook it and eat it, but there's no way I'm going to gut it.
You gave me diarrea. That was so terrible. I didn't think it could possibley be true, but with you, you never know!!
Glad you are just breakingup with fish, cause I'm rather partial to GC and I wouldn't want to decide who'd get me in teh divorce.
I rarely post, but I have to speak now, or forever hold my... nose! I thought I belonged here, but now I’m questioning my patronage. I can accept this type of vitriol and defamation from some other blogs, but I’m shocked and saddened that something so core to my soul is so reviled by many here.
Yes, I am a FISH-LOVER!I know that makes me the world’s worst Mormon-Buddhist, but I love fish. And all of this chatter, this hate, is forcing me out of my fishy closet. If fish wasn’t my most favorite food before, it is more so now, and no one can talk me out of this socially unacceptable love. No! Not your sincere admission, not the land-lockedness of my habitation (Orem Utah), or even contrary state legislation (Jell-O an official state food) can discourage me from an eternal commitment to my beloved! I’m going to go to my fridge right now take refuge with a few of my closest friends (sorry if that grosses people out)...http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/Kgt-oK-CaHRZWP7ZAt2K5g?feat=directlink
Jason! You sonofabitchmotherfuckerasshole!!!!!!!!! I was reading this, practically CRYING, thinking of your relationship ending and you were talking about FISH!! You are SO lucky I don't know where Wisteria Lane is because I'm be coming over there. To Kick.Your.Ass!!!!!!!!!!!
You owe me for this one. I don't know what, but you surely owe me something for nearly putting me into cardiac arrest! BAD BOY! BAD BAD BOY!
Justine :o /~~~
JASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THis is Jill.. I am at Justine's and she just had me read it without telling me what it was about! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! I actually started crying!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I have yours? I love fish!
Well, I knew it wasn't Giancarlo, but I couldn't figure out WHAT you were giving up.
Stinker. YOU. Not the fish.
Geesh, man I am OLD! Don't do that, my heart can't take it....
I love, love, love fish. We eat it twice a week, my kids JUST LOVE ME! NOT!
Jason, if you are going to give up fish, at least take fish oil twice a day. Your body really does need it...
Wait a second! I hear no mention of couples counseling here. You're just giving up on a long-term relationship without even giving the fish the opportunity to work on the problem? And what's with the lack of communication? You didn't even tell the fish that you two were having problems.
Jason, Jason, Jason (head shaking). I thought you were more evolved than that!
Oh, I know men like you. You're trading in for a newer, more exotic version. Who is it? Tell me! Sushi?!? Salmon?!? Tasty Tuna?!
You're not missing anything! Fish is gross. Good riddance!
Jason! My heart was in my throat reading that! Geesh!
I'm not a big fish person, either. But the occasional salmon is yummy.
I thought your story sounded kind of fishy.
Did someone already say that?
Oh my goodness, you scared the shit out of me. I kept saying "no, no, no, ohmigod, no, no..."...and then it is FISH! I'm sooooo relieved.
I'll marry your fish. I love fish. There is no law against multiple fish marriages. My own Big Love of Fish.
You are HYSTERICAL.
I found your blog from Facts Are Strictly Optional and thought I'd check it out, but of course I landed on this post first and I thought, I don't know if I can take the drama and the heartbreak and the...oh. And then I laughed myself silly and had to go look at some of your back posts.
I will be back :)
Darn it!!! Darn it!!! Darn it!!!
You scared me. It's ok. Let the fish go. You'll survive, and luckily, now the fish will too.;-)
I hope you had a prenup!
I think the proper term is Fishvorce.
Also?
Because of...all of your everything, I was so sad for you. And then relieved.
But you are NEVER GOING TO BE TRUSTED AGAIN. You are the boy who cried FISHVORCE!!!
(PS, my verification word is "Bless"...does that mean anything? Should I end my post with O God, the Eternal Father?)
Talk about an anticlimax. I'm a vegetarian, you'll get no argument from me.~Mary
Your wicked wicked ways got me!
Evil person!
This is because you have not had fish prepared properly. You have been exposed to frightening sights like the hideous thing on your March 8th post.
Naturally you are traumatized.
But give fish another chance. There's nothing as lovely as a piece of grilled salmon.
Here's a little ditty to get you in the mood to enjoy a fishy meal - Wet Dream by Kip Addotta:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEZG14eGmR8&feature=related
You are AWFUL.
But oh so awesome.
*loves*
Well, you sure got a rise out of everyone with that posting! Good one!
However, I do think you and the fish should think about counseling before you divorce. Think of the children!
Cheers,
Cindy
Can't you just work it out and at least remain friends for the sake of the.....uhm....minnows?
That was diabolical! I would punch you in the arm if I knew where your arm was!
Also, I love fish. Even stinky fish. So there.
(Once I started breathing again, I found this funny.)
OK......I just talked to Fish and she said you never apperciated her!!!!!!
Thats why she just let herself go....
Said shes willing to work on it.....like maybe going to the beach and learning to enjoy her scent again
or
she said shes willing to wear a shell
Hmmmm would that work???
you teaser! you really had me, all the way to the end. But fish? What is so wrong with fish. It is certainly better for you than pork or beef.
I SO hope it won't be a messy divorce! But I have heard that those fish will try to take you for all you are worth. Beware! : )
Jason you make me laugh sometimes and cry sometimes. I think I'm falling in love with you. ;-)
PS: Leave the word verification on, it'll cure me of my newfound smitten really quick. (Oh no she didn't!)
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