Q & A With Your Token Gay, Vol. XII

Your question is important to us. Please stay on the line. Questions will be answered in the order in which they were received.

Leanne asks:

Going with the stereotype but how long do you spend getting ready in the morning, and did you only decide to answer questions because you came up with a bitchin title for the segment?

To answer your first question, on a work morning I take about 45 minutes to get ready from the time I wake up to the time I get in the car to drive away. Would you care to know the exact order in which I do this? No? Well, here it is anyway, Leanne! Get up. Pee. Brush teeth. Stumble into closet and try to decide what to wear, and wait for my metabolism to start moving. Okay, metabolism is moving, go to bathroom again. Shower. Dry off. Blow dry. Apply deodorant. Shave. Apply eye bag/dark circles cream. Apply face moisturizer. Apply body lotion. Get dressed. Put on a spray of cologne, as per the Queer Eye Guys: "Spray, delay, and walk away." Gather school bag/jacket. Open blinds for two remaining sleepyheads in my bed. Kiss them goodbye. Go downstairs. Get coffee. Get water bottles. Get lunch. Get in car. Drive away.

And for your second question, I actually thought of the question idea, and then I thought of the totally bitchin title for the segment. Sometimes I'm brilliant like that, and I won't deny it.

-

Vernacular asks:

How did you end up skinny dipping in a baptismal font?!

I served a two year Mormon mission in Peru from ages 19-21. In one area, the missionaries lived in the little house that also served as a meeting place for church members. In the private and very primitive back yard there was a concrete, above ground baptismal font. I lived there in January, February, and March, which are the hottest months of the year in Peru. 110 degrees with 110 per cent humidity, pretty much. I suffered. I remember wishing I could just go swimming, but that is a huge no-no for missionaries. Sooooo, a brilliant idea popped into my head--the baptismal font! One problem: Mormon missionaries do not have bating suits or even shorts. And my underwear was, shall we say, not conducive to swimming either. So I did a really, really naughty thing, and one day, while my companion was napping, I peeled off all my clothes and swam in the baptismal font, naked. And it felt ohhhh, so good. Even though I knew that I was most likely going to be struck by lightning at any moment.

*How long have you been teaching, and what is your favorite lesson that you can't wait to pull out each year?

I have been teaching for 16 years, all in the same Southern California school district. My favorite lesson? I have so many, that would be hard to choose. I do a whole unit on government that I really enjoy, though.

*To what things do you attribute you coming to the understanding in your heart that being out and proud is GOOD?

Oh, wow. This is such a loaded question. It took me so long to get to this point. But it all came down to the realization that I HAD to be honest with myself and the people in my life. I could not longer pretend. Once I was able to come to that realization, everything else just followed naturally. Not easily, but naturally.

*Who was that poor kid dragging the dead dog on a leash?

Again, a Peru experience. One day we were walking down the dirt street and there was a boy, pulling a dead black dog down the road. It struck me then that there were oh, so many things that happened like that every day that in the US would be thought of as horrifying--but in third world countries, they fall into the realm of regular experiences. I never found out who he was or how his dog died, or where he was going.

*Do you and Giancarlo speak in Spanish with each other, or English, or both? Or am I totally confused?

Giancarlo and I speak mainly English with each other. Occasionally we'll say something in Spanish, but usually it is if family members are around and everyone is speaking Spanish.

* Do you have a book recommendation for me?

Yes, you should read The Thirteenth Tale, by Dianne Setterfield. It is a "ghost" story, but not really, with a fabulous twist at the end.

* Did seeing so many dead rabbits in your family's sink turn you into a vegetarian for life, or did it turn you into more of a bloody-toothed carnivore?

One would think that I would be a devout vegetarian. Out of the six of us, my brother Daniel is the only one who is, and that has only been for about a year. But sometimes, if I stop and think about it, the fact that I eat meat really grosses me out. And when I listen to the pro-vegetarian arguments, especially the cruelty to animals ones, I think I may just stop. Then I forget about it and have a steak.

* And, finally, would you post a video of you dancing to Britney, as you do for your students on all-homework-here Fridays?

Do you think I could make some extra cash by selling videos of me dancing on the table to Britney? Hmmm, that's an idea. Speaking of Britney, can I just go ahead and confess right now that I am OBSESSED with her latest album, Circus? I didn't used to like her that much, you know, when she was a teeny-bopper, but now? She intrigues me, even after, and especially after, all of the bad, bad times she has been through over the past 3-4 years. Sorry, Pumpkin Delight. Sorry, Katrine. I can't help it.

-

Your question is important to us. Please stay on the line. Questions will be answered in the order in which they were received.

-