If you haven't heard about it by now, you've been living under a rock. Yep, oh Lordy, Jason's forty! I usually don't make a big ta-doo about my birthday, but since this one is a milestone, I figure I'll whoop it up and let it all hang out: I'm throwing myself a big old birthday party. And? Money is no object. Sky's the limit. I can do anything I want.
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Stephanie, my favorite foodie and caterer extraordinaire from Live. Love. Eat. , has graciously volunteered to cater our shindig free of charge! I am thrilled. Since I trust Steph implicitly with her culinary talent and good taste, I'll leave the menu up to her. There are just a few things I DON'T want. I'll list them here so she'll know to stay away from them.
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By the way, since money is no object and Stephanie has volunteered to do this for free, that means that
everyone in attendance will be getting one of these as a party favor!
Stephanie will also be getting the biggest tip EVER.Okay, Steph, these are the things that I would like you to avoid as you plan the menu for my party:
Tripe
I ate it a few times when I lived in Peru. It was not good. I mean, just think about it. Tripe is intestine. What moves through intestines? Exactly.
Sushi
I used to be okay with sushi. Until one fateful day that was all I ate and then I went to Howl at the Moon and proceeded to drink three really tall, fruity drinks in rapid succession. That's where my tolerance for sushi came crumbling down around me like drunken raw fish vomit splattering in the Citiwalk parking lot.
Bunnichiladas
Yeah, like normal enchiladas, only filled with your pet bunny named Dr. Pepper.
Goatloaf
Yeah, like normal meatloaf only made with goat meat from your pet goat named Sue.
Rotisserie Guinea Pig
I also (attempted) to eat this in Peru. But I couldn't get past the hair, the claws, and the bunny-like teeth snarling at me.
Goat Testicles 
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Rotisserie Guinea Pig
I also (attempted) to eat this in Peru. But I couldn't get past the hair, the claws, and the bunny-like teeth snarling at me.
Goat Testicles
Again, Peru.
I will not eat them here, nor there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I will not eat them on a bed of rice,
I will not eat them if you bake 'em twice.
I will not eat goat testicles, dear,
I will not eat them though I'm queer.
.Editor's Note: My readers and I have similar taste in strippers!
30 comments:
Raw fish vomit. Yum.
P.S. Happy Birthday officially!
oh dear lord. i wish there had been a warning. i'm really yucked out. but i couldn't stop reading. it was like a car accident on the highway.
Happy Birthday!!
Wow, you're brave. Rotisserie guinea pig?! I'm not much of a meat eater myself. Growing up in a Mexican family, you either learn to love tripe, lengua and cesos or become a vegetarian. I chose the latter... sorta. I do love sushi!
Yes! It's GAVIN!!!!!!! For once, you listen to me!
Okay, you totally cracked me up with your goat ball poem. It was truly a work of genius.
I'm assuming you're from Peru and that's why you were there eating these disgusting frickin' foods? I just saw Andrew Zimmer from the Travel Channel eating guinea pigs a couple weeks ago and he said they were delicious. Blechhhhhhhh!
And btw... tripe isn't intestines. It's actually the lining of the stomach. My mother loves the shit, and when I was younger and we had our big Sunday dinners, that was often on the table in a pool of red sauce. Egads!!!!!!!
Justine :o )
For the record...Jason forgot to mention that I was the one rubbing his back and holding back his hair as he was spewing raw fish vomit in the Citywalk parking lot. I'm just saying...
BTW, sushi was the least disgusting thing on that last, for sure!
Gavin was your choice too? That's great, cuz he's who I want to come to your party!
The car is a great party favor. I'd like mine in black please.
I can't believe you haven't been over to visit to accept your bday card!
Goat testicles? That's a meal I'd have to walk off for sure. Thanks for sparing me that!
You forgot to add balut to the list...but thanks for setting limits! You never know!
Awesome party favors!
OMG...Where on earth did you get those photos? I think it's a great dieting technique though. If you're hungry look at those photos...wallah! not hungry any more!
First off, glad that you decided on Gavin. Secondly, these party favors...do we each get to pick our own color? Cause if we do, I want my car in black please...thank you very much.
I am really liking this birthday bash of yours!
Those definitely are some things that should never show up at a party. ugh omg Good call.
Yeah, I only do sushi when I need to pretend to be trendy.
Can you just send Eric down to San Diego then?
Thank you for keeping those vile things (except the Sushi, which I looove) off the menu.
I CAN NOT WAIT FOR GAVIN AND MY NEW CAR!!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't see your email until this morning. I hope I am not too late. So off the top of my head I am thinking for appetizers we shall do Tuscan stuffed mushrooms, Carmelized Chili Shrimp, Prosciutto Mozzarella Pinwheels & Goat Cheese Torta with Salmon & Mascarpone.
For the main course, we shall do some Roasted Pork Tenderloin with an Asian Chili Sauce, Filet Mignon & Lobster Tails in a Saffron Sauce, Fresh Asparagus with lemon, garlic & parmesan as well as the creamiest Potato Gratin evah!!!
For dessert, there will be mini cream cheese tarts topped with fresh fruit, A Mexican icebox Cake, Raspberry Chocolate Truffle Cheesecake and Molten Lava Cakes. Of course, there will be cocktails galore including dessert martinis.
This is totally off the tip of my head so imagine the damage we could do with a little talking over drinks :)
Happy Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday!!!
So no intestines or testicals...but what about ovaries? You like ovaries?
This post was just so wrong! I am so proud! No one has ever posted worse a collection of putridness, and no one ever will! You are the King!
Having said that, exactly how many of these courses have you prepared for yourself?
sushi! no question.
and LOVE the party favor!
Uh. I agree. None of those foods would make me want to linger at your fiesta.
I'll take my party favor in Fire Engine Red, por favor.
Your ode to Seuss and goat testicles is the funniest thing I read today!
This is the part of your blog where I say "HORK". Oh. Mah. Gawd. Little Mr. Guinea Pig...
Hork!
I just threw up in my mouth.
peace
#2
goat testicles!!!
argh
I puked in my mouth at least once per picture. THEN I got to the guinea pig and ran for the bathroom.
Geez.
And yea..Gavin is a cutie. I'm so glad it wasn't Bernie.
I'm so grossed out by that food! I've always wanted a convertible. THANKS!
Gavin has weird nipples, and he is to hairy for me. but it's your birthday, love em and leave em brother!!!
I had no idea that goats we so... well, umm... HUNG! Holy Crap! That's just not right.
This sort of takes "going green" to a whole new level.
I am never looking at a photo on your blog again.
Unless it is of one of your party strippers. Then I'll look.
Unless the stripper picture is of Rexanne. Then I'd rather look at Rotisserie Guinea Pig pictures.
If you need desserts, Im happy to provide the scrumptious treats....
Visit my Dove website to check out the goods...let me know what you want and Ill make it :)
dovechocolatediscoveries.com/kim
if you leave off the "kim" and go to the corporate site, they have a ton of incredible recipes with pictures, pick your favorite Jason!
and...we can start off with some chocolate martini's....choco-espresso, or black cherry chocolate, or hazelnut chocolate martini....birthday boy's choice.
For Beauty's birthday, she picked dark chocolate cupcakes, with pink mousse piped inside, topped with chocolate mousse! YUM.
GAh!!! Can I just have the car?
Ewww! Goat testicles! gross!
Enchiladas!
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