Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Ups and Downs of 2008

2008 has been a quite a year for the cast of The Jason Show. As a recap of this year's events, The Jason Show brings you.....
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On the Upside, On the Downside
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On the upside, Amelia went to Washington, D.C. to lobby Congress regarding the horrific things that are still happening to the Invisible Children of Uganda.
On the downside, it may take an act of Congress to clean up Amelia's closet!
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On the upside, our sweet baby Elijah was born and changed our lives forever.
On the downside, severe child abuse struck our family and put us through the hardest thing that our family has ever had to face.
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On the upside, The California Supreme Court gave us the right to marry. So we got married!
On the downside, California voters took that right away by a narrow margin. But we stayed married anyway!
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On the upside, I was certified as a trainer this year in a program of highly effective teaching strategies called GLAD (Guided Language Acquisition Design). This means more money, a wider variety of work responsibilities, and teaching adults.
On the downside, this puts me out of my classroom over 40 days this year.
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On the upside, Claire and Dennis reconciled and remarried.
On the downside, Hilary is going through a divorce.
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On the upside, all of our kids are doing well, overall.
On the downside, life is tricky, this year has been hard, and those teenage years can be grueling, for teens and parents alike.
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On the upside, I've been blessed with a new niece, Gianna, and a new nephew, Henry.
On the downside, Henry lives very far away and I'm not sure when I'll get to see him.
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On the upside, my Dad and his wife, Vonna, are in good physical health living on their little farm in Idaho.
On the downside, Vonna's Alzheimer's is getting progressively worse, and it is a full time job for my dad to take care of her.
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On the upside, I've only gotten a few more gray hairs.
On the downside, I've also gotten a few more gray nose hairs.
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On the upside, we've lived together with my in-laws without wringing anybody's neck.
On the downside, living with my in-laws sometimes has turned out to be a bigger challenge than I thought.
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On the upside, living with my in-laws has provided some interesting blog material!
On the downside, there is so much more that I am not writing about because I must censor myself in order to maintain the peace.
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On the upside, we are healthy and we have a roof over our heads and food on the table.
On the downside, the roof over our heads is also our table.
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On the upside, I've met, in real life and virtually, many incredible people through blogging, and you have become an important part of my life.
On the downside, there isn't enough time in my day to carefully read every single one of your posts!
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On the upside, I've been having an affair.
On the downside, I've been having an affair.
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Monday, December 29, 2008

The Jason Show Dune Buggy Adventure

We are not adventurous souls. We like to do quiet things, in comfortable, calm, ordered, predictable, clean places. We enjoy our creature comforts. Our idea of roughing it is the Hilton. Camping? No way. Mountain climbing? Never. Getting dirty? Forget about it.
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Those on the Claire and Dennis side of our unique family are the opposite. They enjoy speed, adventure, and constant activity. They're not afraid of getting a little dirty, and they'll gladly give up creature comforts for a weekend of excitement. You name the motor sport, and they've done it. Cite any racing venue in the world, and they've been there.
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So this weekend, they convinced us to buckle down, buck up, and bite the bullet and have some gosh darn kick-ass racing fun for once!!!

They help to balance us out, just a wee bit. They help us expand our horizons, just a smidgen.

So here I am, in second gear, going at least 25 on a slightly uneven gravel area. Whooop!!! Whoop!! Oh, yeah!!!
Tooling around the shop parking lot in the family dune buggy for an entire ten minutes was absolutely, positively, adrenaline pumping wild!
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Phew. That was exhausting. I need a cappuccino and a shower with a good loofah.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

A Miracle Baby Named Henry

Hi everyone out there viewing my Uncle Jason's show! I'm new to this world; only two days old. I was born the day after Christmas, and I am a miracle. All babies are miracles, but I'm an extra special one. You see, my Mommy, Heidi, was diagnosed four years ago with Ewing's Sarcoma, a rare form of childhood bone cancer. The initial prognosis was hopeful, but scary. My Mommy underwent extensive treatments, including chemotherapy, to make sure the cancer was gone. It was really hard for Mommy and Daddy and all who cared about them. At the end of it all, the doctors told them that she was in remission, and since then no traces of cancer have been found. The doctors also told them that my Mommy would never be able to have any babies.
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As you can imagine, that was devastating for them. But a while after getting all better, my parents began looking into adopting a little baby who needed a home. They also moved to Texas and my Mommy began going to chiropractor school and my Daddy worked on becoming a chaplain in the military.
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Just as they were very serious about adopting, a miracle happened! They found out that I was beginning to grow inside my Mommy's tummy. Everyone was so amazed and happy and excited and grateful.
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And now that I'm here, everyone is extra, extra amazed and happy and excited and grateful.
Here I am with my Daddy, Daniel, who is the fourth of Uncle Jason's siblings. Uncle Jason is the oldest. Now he has four nephews and two nieces.

And here I am with my Daddy and Mommy. Don't I look cute and sweet? I'll bet I have as much spunk and personality as my parents and I'm lucky that they are so smart, thoughtful, hard-working, and adventurous.
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Who knows? Maybe in a couple of years they'll have another miracle baby.
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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Baby Jesus Prefers Pacifico


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 10:49 pm

The boys are nestled all snug in their sleeping bags--but they're still wide awake! Oh, how I remember those sleepless Christmas Eves, so darn excited for Christmas that I couldn't sit still for one second let alone sleep.
I hope Santa can come soon because I'm getting sleepy.

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 9:57 pm

Giancarlo, his cousin, Ana; her husband, Crisjon; their son, Evan; Diego, and I went for a drive to look at Christmas lights at our local "Candy Cane Lane." Beautiful! It was better than ever this year and the boys loved it. I love spending time with Ana, Crisjon, and Evan.
We returned home and I found Hilary curled up in the chaise in my room, fast asleep. Even with the happy holiday racket going on downstairs.
Time to put the boys to bed so Santa can come!

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 8:36 pm

Okay, we just had dinner. The mood is generally festive and bright. People are eating, talking, and laughing. The food is delicious. The Christmas music is back on. The boys, ages 4 and 3, have been having a wonderful time together.
But the teenaged girls don't really want to be here. They're both sullen. Ahhh. Yes.
The little boys are sooo excited about opening their presents!!!

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 7:32 pm

Dinner was to be served at 5:30. Some of the guests are still not here. So what else is new? Spiderman III is on tv now. Why are we watching Spiderman III instead of listening to Christmas music and visiting? Why can't I just put my foot down?

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 6:16 pm

Steal away upstairs and light the special crystal candle holder that I only light on Christmas Eve, and have a moment of private silence. This candle holder is the same one that illuminated my mother's room on Christmas Eve as she lay struggling for her last breath. In the morning when I went into her room and discovered that she was gone, I could smell the smoke from the candle that stopped glowing at the same hour our beloved mom stopped glowing.

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 5:48 pm

Something has happened to the Mexican Three Stooges marathon. So now on one of the other Latino channels we're watching something about Christmas murders committed in Mexico City. Nothing like Christmas murders to help me keep my Christmas spirit that's hanging on by a thread!
I think I'll go chop vegetables for my big fancy salad. And have beer #3.

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 4:29 pm

The guest have started to arrive. The candles are lit and Christmas music is playing, helping to spread that Christmas spirit and cheer throughout the home. Hey! Who turned off the Christmas music? What? It's a Pantinflas (Mexican equivalent to the Three Stooges) marathon on KMEX? All day and all night long? So now we don't get to listen to Christmas music on Christmas Eve? Instead we blare the Mexican Three Stooges all night long? Sigh. Okay. Whatever. I'm ready for that second beer.

Jason's Christmas Play-by-Play 12:36 pm

The apple-cinnamon potpourri burners are burning that delightful Christmasy scent---wait a second. Sniff, sniff. What's that smell interfering with my apple-cinnamon? Must investigate. Move cautiously toward the kitchen. Approach stove. Lift lid of simmering brown liquid. Huh? What IS this? Pick up spoon, stir, and investigate. What the-----? Pig hooves?!? Simmering on the stove on Christmas Eve.

A Jason Show Christmas


1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Both. I love a fancy gift with big, elaborate bows. But gift bags are just too darn easy when you're in a hurry.


2. Real tree or artificial?

Artificial. It's cheaper and easier, especially with those blessed pre-strung lights. While I love the pine scent of a real tree, I hate all the needles afterward.


3. When do you put up your tree?

Usually right after Thanksgiving. If Giancarlo wants to. If not, I just wait until he mentions it. (I have past Christmas issues that I'm working to resolve!)


4. When do you take it down?

ASAP! But if the rest of the family doesn't agree, then we wait until January 6th. And it drives me wild.


5. Do you like eggnog?

Actually, I don't mind the flavor. But it's the thought of those raw eggs sliming their way down my esophagus that creeps me out. When I was a boy I made home-made eggnog all the time: Milk, raw eggs, nutmeg, sugar, whip it all together with the hand-held hand-cranked mixer, and voila! A perfect recipe for salmonella poisoning.


6. Favorite gift received as a child?

My STAR WARS book bag. That my mom made. That had little Luke and Lea dolls that stuck out of the front pocket. Talk about adding fuel to the "I think Jason might be gay" fire!


7. Worst Christmas gift ever received?

A gray ceramic hand with fake roses growing out of the palm. I'm not kidding.


8. Hardest person to buy for?

Giancarlo. But we've come to an agreement that we don't buy Christmas gifts for each other any more. And we're both okay with that.


9. Easiest person to buy for?

Kim. (Pumpkin Delight) Somehow I always know exactly what she wants or what she would like.


10. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes.


11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Mail....when I send cards out. I'm hit-and-miss with Christmas cards.


12. Favorite Christmas movie?

Bad Santa. Just kidding. I've never seen it, but it seems so wicked. I actually don't think I have---wait! Santa Claus is Coming to Town. With the Heat Miser and the Freeze Miser and Mother Nature. LOVE that movie.


13. When do you start Christmas shopping?

Usually soon after Thanksgiving. This year, thanks to online shopping, I got most of it done before Thanksgiving! The best part about online shopping is that I don't have to package stuff up and go wait in line at the post office.


14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Too many times to mention. Ooops, I guess I just mentioned. Does that make me a tacky person? It does, doesn't it? Don't worry, I haven't ever recycled gift that I've given to you.


15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Cheese balls! I love cheese balls!


16. Lights on the tree?

Yes.

Oh. That's not what you meant. White. (That's kind of like the Little Old Lady From Pasadena who marks "yes" on health forms that ask her to indicate her gender.)


17. Favorite Christmas song?

That is way too hard. Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I LOVE Christmas music, except when I hear it in October and early November. The problem is that I live with a house-full of people that don't necessarily care about Christmas music. They don't get it. They want to turn it off after about 20 minutes. That discourages me. But I think my all time favorite is The Carol of the Bells.


18. Travel or stay home?

STAY HOME!


19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Is the pope Catholic? Is sugar sweet? Is snow cold?


20. Angel or star?

In my perfect world where I exercise complete dictatorship-type control over all of the Christmas decorating:
Star.


Living in a world of compromise and Catholicism:
Angels.
Vacant-eyed ones. With big gaudy wings. I have a real problem with angels with wings. Maybe it's my Mormon upbringing. Maybe it's my mother. But I was taught that angels DO NOT have wings. That's just silly. Next someone's going to tell me that babies should be baptized because they're born full of sin.


21. Open presents Christmas morning or eve?

In my perfect world where I exercise complete autocratic control over all of the Christmas gift opening: Christmas morning. Except one present on Christmas Eve, which is invariably new pajamas.


Living in a world of compromise and Mexican culture: Christmas Eve. All of the gifts.


22. Favorite ornament theme or color?

Monochromatic. Soothing and classy.


23. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

My Christmas issues! (My mom died on Christmas day, there's a constant familial-cultural struggle going on inside my head about how Christmas should be, I don't really know if I believe in Santa, blah, blah, blah, blah.....)

But I'm getting better every year. A little bit at a time.


24. What do you want for Christmas this year?

New garage door springs. Oh, wait. I already got those. Yesterday. Merry Christmas to me!

A Christmas Gift to My Devoted Viewers


Monday, December 22, 2008

What's In a Name?

This photo was taken just a couple of weeks ago. It is the first one we've had taken with all five of our kids.


We've had to invent new titles for the people in our family.
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Hilary, the oldest of our children, is technically my step daughter--I married her mother when she was 18 months old. So, she was always my daughter rather than "step-daughter," even after her mother and I changed our relationship. When Giancarlo came into the picture, Hilary became his daughter, too. So she's kind of Giancarlo's step-daughter squared. And Giancarlo could be Hilary's step-father, twice removed.
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Amelia is Elijah's aunt. But now that her mother is taking over the job of mommy for Elijah, Amelia is now the aunster, and Elijah is her brophew.
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Rennen is my ex-wife's daughter, and my daughter's sister. I once introduced her as my niece, for lack of a better term. She later asked, "Why did you say I was your niece? I'm really more like your daughter." There is not a name in the English language for what you would call your ex-wife's daughter with whom you have a very warm and loving uncle-ish, parent-ish relationship. So? Rennen is my nieceter. And I'm her duncle, her funcle, or her uncther.
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Which brings me to a similar quandry. Rennen is my ex-wife's daughter, and as I've established, she's my nieceter. Diego is my son, and my same-sex life partner (now husband) and I adopted him. So what does that make Rennen and Diego in relation to each other? Cousins? Siblings? Sibsins? Couslings?
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Diego is Elijah's uncle. But again, since Claire has taken over the mommy job for Elijah, that makes Diego Elijah's bruncle. And that makes Elijah Diego's brophew.
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Elijah is my grandson. He always will be. But since roles have shifted in our family, does that kind of make me an uncle to him in a way? So am I his granduncle? His gruncle? Or his unclepa? And is he my grandphew, or my nephson?
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Ahhh, well. It's all just words. It's not the title that matters.
It's the relationship.
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Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Weather Wimps Go to the Snow

Here in Southern California we practice a curious ritual each winter. It's called "Going to the Snow." When it snows in the higher elevations surrounding the Los Angeles Basin and coastal areas, Southern Californians put on our long sleeves, grab our plastic lids off of our red Christmas storage bins, jump in the BMW or the Mercedes, and drive up the crowded freeway to the snow. Pretty much anywhere in the LA area, less than an hour's drive will take you to places that have snow on the ground. Sort of.


Yesterday we drove up to Frazier Park, which is a summit town on Interstate 5, resting at a bit more than 4,000 feet above sea level. Just as we exited the freeway, the streets were packed with cars and people frolicking in the smattering of snow.

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When I say smattering, I mean just that. A smattering with lots of dead weeds, brush, and rocks poking through. Where I come from, this kind of snow isn't worth playing in, let alone noticing, or even less, driving to. As we drove down the street looking for a good place for Diego to play, smug thoughts filled my head about these silly Southern Californians that don't even know the meaning of snow or cold. "Pshaw!" I thought. "Puh-shaw!"

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"This is nothing!" I clarified for my Mexican mother-in-law. "I had to walk to school in snow twenty times deeper!"

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"When I was a boy, Diego, the snow would get so deep that it drifted at the front door. We had to dig our cars out. The roads became huge, dangerous ice skating rinks."

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I further reminded everyone that when I was in college I had a 7:00 am chemistry class during winter quarter. I walked to class in -30 degree temperatures, with the wind chill factor that made it feel like -50. My car wouldn't start unless I plugged it in each night, and often the doors and gas tank were tightly frozen shut. I had endured the harshest of conditions. This was completely unremarkable.

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I especially scoffed at the man shoveling snow into the back of his truck, supposedly to take home to some kids in LA to play in for 30 minutes before it completely melted.

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We finally parked the van and piled out. We walked across the parking lot to the trampled down snow. The wind instantly bit through my hoodie, sweatshirt, and undershirt. Diego and Giancarlo posed for some pictures. They threw a couple of snowballs. Then they took the plastic lid and ran off to play, oblivious to the cold.

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And I was DONE. It was too cold. I was dying. I couldn't take the windy 36 degrees.

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So I turned around and got back in the homobile. Right along with the old people.

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I have become one of the biggest weather wimps of all.

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Friday, December 19, 2008

The Ugly Sweater Contest

Our staff Christmas party featured an ugly sweater contest. A few of us had a lot of fun with it....

Cori sported The Twelve Days of Christmas sweater with light up bulb earrings.

Tami is expecting and her sweater wasn't ugly. . . it was cute because it said, "Santa Baby." Her socks were kinda ugly though, but I liked the sentiment: They say, "Reduce, reuse, regift."



Jen went for the oversized 80's sweatshirt look.



Lacy shows off her home made necklace as well as her ugly sweater.



Cassandra's mother was an invaluable resource for her.
From shoulder pads that flopped out of place


to colored lights that twinkle in the night...
The party was a success.
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And now for the contest winners!
3rd place: Ian and Kristy with their cutesie coordinating couple sweaters with the hand-holding mitten. So cute I could puke! Ian was sure a good sport.


2nd place: Cassandra. Her blue spandex leggings and red suede boots, along with the jingle bell necklace she made in third grade were icing on the cake for this festive sweater that we all loved hating.
And the 1st place winner of this year's ugly sweater contest. . . .
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wait for it. . . .
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wait for it. . .
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wait for it. . .
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None other than your very own Jason--- producer, director, and star of The Jason Show!!!!



He won movie tickets and a gift card to Buca di Beppo!!! He's never had a prouder moment.
Except for the time he ______________.
(You fill in the blank.)




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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Bath Time Laughter!




Everything Diego says and does makes Elijah crack up hysterically. The sound of an eight month old baby laughing uncontrollably warms my heart more than any other sound in the world. Especially this 8 month old.
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Sunday, December 14, 2008

Q & A With Your Token Gay, Volume XI

Your question is important to us. Please stay on the line. Questions will be answered in the order in which they were received.
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Well, I come all the time, and I have a question. Remember when you said you hated flowery smelling bathroom air freshners, I am wondering what kind you would recomend because I can barely find any that are not flowery. I have been making a point to look each week at the grocery store. Mostly everything is flowery.
Actually, I believe I said I hated bathroom air fresheners that are food scented, like vanilla or apple-cinnamon, because mixing food smell and bathroom smell = a bad idea. I prefer flowery over food scented, however, I found a spray that has a linen scent, which is much better in my mind. Also, we have a ton of cologne, and we've discovered that the cologne eliminates bad odors quickly and efficiently while leaving behind a fresh, masculine scent!
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This is a question I have been wanting to ask you for awhile now, but I never think of it when I'm with you, so here it goes...Why is it that the "gays" love the women singers so much (Cher, Madonna, Barbara, etc.)? I know they are singing about their men, but they are women. I would think you'd rather listen to a man sing about his honey and just fantasize it was you. :) So why is that?I too laugh at the sports question. :)
Good question! I believe it must have something to do with the fact that many of us identify with women more than guys, event though we're attracted to guys. Often the type of music that comes from female singers is the kind we like, too. I think it may be for the same reason that many of us have way more "girlfriends" than "guyfriends". I am one such example of that. I've always, since I was a little boy, preferred to be around girls. And now, I find that I have so much more in common with them than straight guys.


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Sista #2 asks:

How many pair of shoes do you own?

Seven. Two pairs of black shoes, two pairs of brown shoes, three pairs of sneaker-type shoes. And I probably have about seven pairs of flip flops, too.

Do you read the magazines at the checkout counter instead of buying them?
I never buy them. Once in a while I will pick one up for a minute if a headline catches my eye, but usually not at all.

How often do you dance naked in front of your mirror, holding a brush and singing into it?

I haven't done that in an extremely long time! Maybe I should!

Describe your favorite apron.

I never wear aprons, but we do have some. I bought one in Florence, Italy, that I like. It is black with pictures of different kinds of Italian wines, and a map showing where they come from.


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Elemento-p asks:

During free time in kindergarten did you play in the play house area? I have a student who LOVES the play house...he wears the ruby slippers and plays the mom...he loves the color pink....he has a pink bicycle at home. Just wondering...

Yes, in kindergarten I liked playing in the play house area. I probably didn't wear the ruby slipper, and I didn't love the color pink, but I did like doing all of the "girl" stuff throughout all of elementary school, and I hated doing most of the "boy" stuff. At recess I preferred to play games like four-square, tetherball, and the monkey bars because there were mostly girls around. But my very favorite thing to do during recess was to stay in and help my teacher. I LOVED that.

And something funny that I just remembered. . . my nemesis in elementary school was another boy who liked the same things that I did. Funnily enough, his name was Lynn. We actually competed for the girls' attention, and we fought like the girls, too. As I recall, he was probably way more effeminate than I was. But during one of our cat fights, when the teacher wasn't looking, he whacked my nose with the back of a chair and made it bleed and it hurt for weeks. Do you think he broke it?

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Hula Hank asks:
Wait! wait! wait! Let's go back here. Jason, have you ever been on a nude cruise???

I wish! I'm sure that if my chosen lifestyle allowed me to explore my proclivities toward nudism, I may have very well gone on a nude cruise. But alas, I'm a family man with a spouse who is not interested in nudism in the least, although he did humor me once a few years ago and we went to a clothing optional resort in Palm Springs. I enjoyed it; he tried to enjoy it. But I won't make him do that again.


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Your question is important to us. Please stay on the line. Questions will be answered in the order in which they were received.
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Saturday, December 13, 2008

What's In This Christmas

The producers of The Jason Show have been traveling the country visiting homes (actually, just ours) that have been decorated for Christmas. They've observed decorating trends that are "in" this year, and they've noted some holiday faux paus that are definitely "out" this year.
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In: Festive tea-light holders

Out: Horse lamps with tacky shades and dangly ball tassles mounted on marlbe pedestals. If you put a bow on it, it's still a horse lamp with a tacky shade and dangly ball tassles mounted on marlble pedestals .

In: Whimsical tea-light holders



Out: Vacant-eyed Father Christmas dolls with tons and tons of silky hair and curly beard.


In: Stained-glass candle holders and snowmen.

Out: Melancholy angels with heavy, scratchy gold wings.


In: Attractive centerpieces


Out: Indiscriminately hanging ornaments on branches of dried, silk, and paper flowers.


In: Beautifully designed ornaments


Out: Indiscriminately dangling bows and ornaments from light fixtures and ceiling fans.



In: Elegant votive holders



Out: Indiscriminately draping garland and hanging bows over every painting in the house.


In: Poinsettias and pretty ribbon


Out: Indiscriminately draping bows and tacky 70's tinsel-garland all over the furniture.



In: Hot, toned guys with just the right amount of hair-----hey, wait a minute! How did this get in here? Oh, for crying out loud. Sorry, folks, my mistake.




Out: Using the following criteria for hanging garland and bows:
a) Does it have mass?
b) Does it take up space?
Then it must be a good place to hang stuff!




In: Hand-crafted family heirloom Christmas trees with understated colored lights.


Out: Leering grinches that seem to have turned nice but secretly want to steal your Christmas.

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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Stream of Consciousness Blogging, Vol. 3: Book Club and Old Habits


I have been a member of my book club for almost six years now. We meet once a month to discuss a book that is chosen by that month's host. The host provides appetizers, invariably there is salami involved which we have dubbed the "book club salami", and catch up on work-related gossip and issues. Then we have dinner, which provides a continuance of discussion involving more work-related gossip, world/political/religious/entertainment issues, and lots and lots of laughter. We have read quite an extensive list of books and had some very interesting discussions! You may click here if you are curious about which books we have covered.

We have taken to the tradition of getting together in December for dinner at the same Italian restaurant, and we forego the book reading and discussion since everyone is so incredibly busy in December. Tonight was our annual December dinner. Since we are all educators, we have a childrens' book exchange. We always have such a nice time together.


Giancarlo went to a play tonight with a coworker and his wife. I was also invited, but since I already had book club scheduled, he went by himself.


My mother-in-law cringes every time he and I go out to separate functions, not together. She thinks we should do things together, never separately. Is that a generational thing? Are there any couples that you know that must only go with each other when they go out? Maybe you feel that way. Giancarlo and I agree that it is crucial for couples to do things on their own, as well as spend time quality time together. I think we're pretty good at both.


I ate a pesto lasagna tonight that was absolutely delicious. And I'm still enjoying it, I'm afraid. In a minute I'm going to go get a glass of wine. I almost always drink one or two glasses of wine at night, the last hour or two before I go to bed. Is that bad? Or is that good? Tonight I didn't have wine with dinner. I haven't really wanted to drink when I've gone out lately, even if it's just one drink, and then drive home. Even if I eat and wait the requisite time, I just feel tired and not as in control. I told this to Pumpkin Delight tonight (she is in my book club) and she scoffed and at me and told me that I sounded like such an old person. Is that an old person thing? Is this just another step toward my impending oldness? I'm already a grandpa and I'm so close to 40 that I've already arranged a caterer for my big four-oh birthday bash. Will I just keep acting older and older no matter what I do? I don't have a problem so much with beginning to look old....it's the acting old thing that I don't think I like. It's kind of like the thing I want to run away from is the thing I most want to embrace. I liken it to not staying out late at night, or going to bed too late. I don't want to be such an old person that I must go to bed by 11:00 every night, but on the other hand, I just love to be all nestled in my bed by 11:00 and not gallivanting all over town up to no good shenanigans. (I purposely tried to make that last sentence sound old!)


Which gets me to thinking. What things do I do that are "old people" things besides not wanting to have a glass of wine two hours before driving anywhere and being in bed by 11:00? In my last post I observed the habits of my 71 year old father-in-law. . . but truth be told. . . I am very set in some of my routines! That sounds like a great idea for an upcoming episode of The Jason Show.


What "old people" things do you do? Which one of those do you love/hate the most? And am I exhibiting symptoms of early onset manopause here or something? And what are those things that you do that you swore you would NEVER do when you were younger?
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Congratulations. You've just made it through another sticky web of Jason's stream of consciousness!
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Sunday, December 7, 2008

Q & A With Your Token Gay, Vol. X

Your question is important to us. Please stay on the line. Questions will be answered in the order in which they were received.
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Tracy from The Art Barista asks:
Here's my question: most of my friends are gay. Most of my friends are people I work with and the gays seem to gravitate toward me (and my husband). We are both completely heterosexual but it seems like the people I meet and tend to hang around with are gay - both male and female. Why do you suppose we get along so well? I'd trade their friendships for nothing else - they are some of the deepest and wisest souls I've ever known.
I think gay individuals in general enjoying being with people who are open-minded, funny, artistic, and wholeheartedly accepting, reserving no judgement. It seems that you and your husband have are very deep and wise souls as well. The fact that you have so many gay friends speaks to your character.

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Oreneta asks:
Ok, here's what I've always wanted to know...cats or dogs...which do you prefer and why???
Ultimately, dogs. I like cats, too, especially the ones that aren't evil and full of attitude and don't do the nasty on top of my body. I just love how dogs wear their hearts on their sleeves, and how excited they are when you get home and how easily contented they are just by spending time with you. But I DON'T love it when dogs bark a lot. Like mine do.
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J from WilloSwitch wants to know:
*cheeky grin* Do you have hair on your big toe and if yes, do you shave it off? *snicker*snort* But... I am serious. Inquiring 'mind' wants to know.
Why yes, as a matter of fact, my toes are hairy. However, I keep them from turning into bear feet with my handy dandy Manscaper. (Aside: I call my trimmer my Manscaper. There is not really a tool officially named "Manscaper." But I think there should be. Hmmm.)

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Have you had to deal with any discrimination at work? From parents of students?
Thankfully, no. I have not experienced one shred of discrimination at work, not to my knowledge. I am completely open with my boss and my coworkers and they are supportive and friendly. Those parents that have known about my sexuality have not made an issue out of it at all. And the kids just don't know, or they just don't care. There is onother gay teacher on my staff and I'd bet he would say the same thing.
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Mom #1 asks:
This question is more from Mom #2 than myself, but WHY do gay women (me) LOVE gay men (you . . . and others)? It seems so silly that I can't live my life without 3 or 4 gay men to make me happy. They are the only ones who understand me. Mom #2 says that I'm really a gay man trapped in a female body and that something is seriously wrong with me . . .but if that's true . . . then what is she? A gay man as well? Hm m m m m the mystery continues . . . I mean seriously . . . inquiring minds want to know. Do you get big kicks from hanging out with gay women? Huh?
Truth be told, I have very few gay friends. Remember? I live the non-mainstream life in the oh-so mainstream setting? We've made efforts to get out and make friends with other gay couples, male or female, but nothing has really clicked. And unfortnately, I haven't become close to anyone like you. . . a gay man trapped in a woman's body who likes other women. . . that is confusing!


I'll tell you one thing for sure, Mom#1. If we lived close to each other I'm pretty certain that you and I would be the best of friends!
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Your question is important to us. Please stay on the line. Questions will be answered in the order in which they were received.
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Superior Scribbler

"Jason, as himself, from The Jason Show. He lives life on his terms and shares it with others. It is a full life, too - including his partner, his children, his ex, his in-laws and a host of other friends. He astounds me with his insight and humor and his kindness and light shines through his blog. Just love this man."





Those were the kind words of Tammy from The Color of Home, as she graciously bestowed The Jason Show its first award of the season. And if you want to read about a fascinating person, give Tammy a try. I especially loved this post that is like a scene straight out of the best romantic comedy you ever saw.


I've been anticipating award season because I have some blogs that Ive been wanting to recognize for a while now!


I've given g awards before, because her blog is consistently outstanding and refreshing. She constantly posts about things to celebrate, interesting, out-of-the way places to visit, unusual places to eat.

The mission of Suz's blog is to capture photographic moments in Orange County that might not necessarily go with the stereotype. She also takes time to find the beauty in the every day. Suz never disappoints.


Cheri at Blog This Mom
Cheri is a mother, lawyer, and outstanding writer. During the proposition 8 debacle she shone as a civil rights activist and informed voice of reason, as well as a fun and kooky friend. And she's not done yet! She is one of the infamous San Diego Bitches.


Jamie is a fellow 1st grade teacher, mom, prolific blogger, and also one of those San Diego Bitches that I rave so much about. Check her out.


Lori is one of the most deserving bloggers ever. Somehow we stumbled across each other only to find out that we have some very big things in common. She and Claire have particularly bonded, as Lori is also raising her grandchildren as her own son and daughter. Lori writes profoundly and you'll never walk away from her blog without feeling that you've just experienced a piece of something very human, very enlightening, and very honesty.


These two are real life friends who began blogging a while after I began The Jason Show. We always have plenty to say about which blogs we've been reading and about how interesting or funny so-and-so is. Even though they razz me a lot about my blog and the choices I sometimes make in relation to it, I have to say they're my biggest supporters, and I love them. And they're certainly Superior Scribblers!
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Thursday, December 4, 2008

Ex Marks the Spot, Vol. IV



The Jason Show. Touting guest posts from Claire, Jason's ex, since 2008.
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Editor's note: Since Claire and Dennis are soon to be officially adopting Elijah, and since Dennis has always wanted a son with his same initials (D. C.), they have given Elijah an additional name, Daniel. Therefore, when Claire refers to "Daniel" in this post, she's talking about Elijah.
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This is a post which will not surprise my children.

Last week something happened that illustrates this point so well.

I was sitting at my counter reading through some lesson plans for Rennen's coursework. It was very quiet in the house. Rennen had just left to go meet her friends as they got off the school bus. My reading was interrupted by Daniel's cooing. I glanced around and didn't see him. I got up from my chair and walked around the kitchen counter to look for him.

Since the house is well cordoned off with gates, Daniel isn't able to go far. He only has free roaming of the kitchen/greatroom. As I went around to the other side of the counter I was talking to him, "where are you baby?" He coo'd in reply, but as I rounded the corner he wasn't there. I quickly looked over to the couch and then walked to the other side of the L-Shaped counter to see if he was in the entryway to the kitchen. That was when he sighed and coo'd one last time and I looked up from the floor to find him...

In his high chair where he was eating a cracker. It was only then that I remembered putting him there about 4 minutes before. I had walked past him twice looking on the floor for him.
It is these moments when I question myself as to whether I am really up to the task of raising a baby again.

Everyone knows I am not quite the same since my big crash at Maine Forest Rally 2001. I can handle that. What I can't handle is that I feel like I am losing more brain power every day.
Last night after an exhausting flight back from Burbank and the baby not resting but being extremely hyper on the plane... I lost my keys. This too will not surprise my children. Nor will it surprise my husband. Every husband I have had knows I am terrible with losing keys!

I had located my car in airport parking. Then I unloaded the baby from the stroller after reclining his car seat with hopes of him resting on the ride home. I dropped my wallet and keys over the top of the driver's seat so that I would have them available to pay for the parking. I pulled both bottles from my bag and dumped them out and made a fresh one for him. I put the stroller in the trunk. I put the bag around in the passenger seat of the car. Then I took off my jacket and walked around the the driver's seat. I sat down and then remembered I was sitting on the wallet and keys. So I reached under my butt and pulled the wallet out from under me. I couldn't feel the keys.

Let me stop here and tell you that it was one single key. I hadn't brought the bigger set because I had simplified myself down for ease of travel. Smart move, huh? This isn't just a regular key like a silver toned house key would be. This is the kind of key that folds into itself that most German cars have now. It incorporates the alarm and door locks too. I say this because it's size is an inch long by about a half inch thick. The biggest problem I thought I had was that it is black and so is the interior of the car...

I panicked. I got out of the car and looked everywhere! I found crevices in my car I didn't know I had! My hands were chewed up from digging between the console and both front seats. I moved them all the way forward and looked. I moved them all the way back and looked. I emptied out the entire bag I had packed for the trip. I lifted the tailgate and looked where I had put the stroller. NOWHERE! And I do mean NOWHERE!

I got back in the car. I prayed and repented for all of my wrongdoings. I asked for help in finding the keys. I even plead my case for my faith in knowing I would find my keys just because I had prayed! Then I repented again. Then I begged again. The baby quit crying at that point. I felt hope.

I got back out of the car. I began my search again. I researched the door pockets thinking it had bounced when I dropped it over the top of the seat. I looked in the wallet change pocket to see if I had put it in there before I had dropped it. The baby began to cry again. I opened his door. Asked him to please allow me to think. I gave him his blanket and bottle which he had thrown on the floor. I re-situated him in his seat. And I found the key under his butt.
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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

It Rhymes With Mulva

I am married to a handsome and caring 43 year old man who has very limited experience, exposure, and knowledge in respect to the female anatomy. This wonderful man also learned English as his third language. The combination of these two characteristics can sometimes produce interesting and startling questions.
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Tonight's question?
"What's a v-u-l-v-a?"
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How many of you are married to men who don't know what a v-u-l-v-a is?
Didn't think so.
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