Elijah Update

1. Good news! This week Elijah had an appointment at UCLA with the head pediatric neurosurgeon for a pre-surgical examination. The doctor said a couple of very encouraging things. First, it looked like Elijah's little body was absorbing some of the fluid in his head and that he wanted to wait for a two or three weeks in hopes that it would continue to do so. Second, he noted that Elijah's demeanor and abilities were a very strong indicator that he was doing well.

What a relief!

2. Claire was given full legal custody of Elijah, which is what everyone, including Hilary, would be the best thing for him. Now Claire can take him home for good and try to get back to some semblance of normalcy. We're all getting ready to turn the page and begin a new chapter, leaving the most difficult part of all of this behind.

3. Nathan's plea bargain/sentencing/whatever you wanna call it has been once again, postponed. It seems that he may be getting formally charged with something much stronger than we had formerly thought.

And I was about to say something about how "this too shall pass" are words to live by. . . however, I don't want to jinx things. Ya know what I mean?

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Ex Marks the Spot, Vol. I

The Jason Show. Touting guest posts from Claire, Jason's ex, since 2008.

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In this segment of Ex Marks the Spot, Claire writes an open letter to a man that lived across the street from us during, shall we say, our biggest period of adjustment.

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Dear Bubbity Chubba,

I am sorry for living across the street from you and irritating you. Especially for the time we decided to go boating on that one weekend and wanted to leave early in the morning so we packed up and left the boat hooked up to the truck overnight in front of our house. I am also sorry for the time that my brother needed to work in the garage on his motorcycle and he left the door up so that you would have to look at him working on his motorcycle in our garage. I know that it must be hard to live in the same neighborhood as Beaver Cleaver (seriously the Beave lived four doors down in his adult self life) and also have us as neighbors. When the parents of my daycare children dropped them off in the mornings and picked them up in the evenings it really must have cramped your lifestyle of looking out the window and seeing the beauty of the flowers growing in our yard. For that I am sorry. It truly must have made your entire day less wonderful.
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I totally understand when you had the homeowner's association add the subject of our renting in your neighborhood to their monthly meeting agenda and when our landlords, who were also good friends of ours, were summoned to the meeting only to be told we were well within the guidelines of the association bylaws, you were still angry. I am sorry that did not make you feel better about your property values having renters on the same block and all. The value of your property was an important subject for you because you are retired and do not plan to sell your house but die in it first in another 20 years.
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When we would drive down the street toward our home and noticed you standing in your yard with your hands on your hips, shaking your head in disgust, we knew that we were exactly the neighbors that you wanted and that we could be expecting the call for a friendly bbq at your house that weekend.
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I would like to explain that it is not always just a mother and a father with two and a half children that make up a family. Perhaps you do not realize that life happens and when people are adjusting to major life changes it is necessary to live in an existence outside of the parameters of the family makeup you would require your neighbors to have.
Now I know that our free spirited teenager did perhaps change her clothes in the Volkswagen camper and that you had to witness that. She was so ugly and hideous.
I am sorry for the time that my visiting brothers and his friends passed out and left their wide mouthed Micky bottles strewed about on the lawn. I do know that this was not well within the guidelines of the association bylaws but we never heard from you on that one, so you must have thought it was fine.
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Was it all because of my living with my gay husband and my boyfriend or was it that you couldn't figure out the relationship of all the individuals in our home? Thus we must return to the 4.5 member traditional American standard.
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We did originally think that your name was Mrs. Kravitz and it wasn't until we saw you repeatedly naked through your open bathroom window when entering and exiting the shower that we recognized your name was, in fact, Bubbity Chubba.
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One thing that I do not apologize for are the Christmas lights that we hung the very first LEGAL association approved day (in November) for hanging Christmas lights nor do I apologize for not removing them until that very last LEGAL association approved day for taking down said lights....(in January). Nor do I apologize for our every effort to make them YOUR favorite color of brothel fusia against our terra cotta stucco home exterior. We thought you would LOVE IT! In fact we did that just for you!
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Now, I will take into careful consideration when I remember the other homeowners association monthly meeting when you so dutifully reported on our ONE weed in the crack of the sidewalk. We did pull that immediately upon recognizing our great neglect to care for your view. We just do not understand how your newest neighbors have your approval of the overgrown jungle now growing and we certainly would protest that on your behalf if you only let us know.
We have sources that tell us that the new owners of that home actually keeps a collection of soda cups from all fast food restaurant's in her car. Now you must be thrilled at the thriftiness of her thinking when she can get free refills at anytime. I hope your car is now so well stocked.
Well, now that we have all moved on from your miserable experience of having us as neighbors, we want to let you know that we always really appreciated your dedicated and watchful eye.

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Sincerely,

The Show Family

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You're Invited to Dinner at Foolery

Photo blatantly lifted from Foolery.

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It's a dinner party! And you're all invited to Foolery, tomorrow, August 26th. Our hostess (with the mostest), Laurie, has gone to great lengths to plan a pot-luck for all of you. All she asks is that you RSVP and that you bring a favorite dish. Specific details are included at when you follow the link.

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I am incredibly excited because Laurie has asked me to be on a question panel, along with these bloggers, whom she chose because of the voice they portray in their blog. We will be fielding questions from all over the world, and your questions will be among them. The more questions you ask, the better. If there is anything that you yet don't know about me or anyone else on the panel, now's your chance! Fun, huh?

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Beej! Bomb!

Alias Liz Jones!

June Cleaver Nirvana

Mathews,

Mommy Pie,

OK . . . Where Was I?

Grandma J,

We're All Bo-zos!

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So what are you waiting for? This is the social event of the season for us all!

Head on over to Foolery for details, including what to bring.

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I'm bringing lime jellow salad with intermingled carrots, raisins, and tuna. Yum. I hope you can make it!

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Agnostic Blessings, Episode Five

Due to the dreadful and depressing events of the past few weeks behind the scenes of The Jason Show, the producers have come up with a new recurring segment entitled An Agnostic Counts His Blessings. No matter how bad life can be, no matter how rock bottom you think you can sink, there are always those brighter parts of life that keep our heads above water.

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Blessing #303

(Please note that the numerical listing of blessings have nothing to do with their order of importance---the numbers are sheerly arbitrary, and they will be large numbers since I'm sure there I have hundreds if not thousands of blessings.)
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Hummus

I love hummus. I like to eat it with crackers, vegetables, pita, or chips. Who would think that a bunch of mooshed up garbonzo beans with garlic and olive oil among other things could be so good? And oh, so good for you!



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Taking Cheez-It's Name In Vain

The third episode in this series, entitled "Paradise Lost?" is true. Although I may have used too many absolutes in describing this dream-come-true class of mine, that post is a pretty accurate description of my class this year.

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Fact or fiction?
A plethora of tales waiting to be told. . . but are they fact, or fiction? You be the judge.

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A long time ago I was very religious and very conservative. I've relaxed somewhat since then, if you haven't been able to tell. Back then I was offended by hearing people take the Lord's name in vain. I especially did not permit it in my classroom. At the beginning of each year I would have a serious talk with the class about it and ask them to please not do it. Most of them had no idea that saying, "Oh, my God" was actually swearing. So they would try. But often they would forget.

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One of these said years, I had a huge handful of a difficult student named Tony. Tony did everything I asked him not to do, and nothing that I asked him to do. He was defiant with me and rude to his peers. You get the picture.

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One particular day the students were lining up for lunch and I heard Tony shout out,

"JEE-ZISS!" I was already at my wit's end with him by that time in the day, so I had no patience or charm left.

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I marched right over to him, and sternly (and maybe a bit loudly) reprimanded him and told him he would be getting a third check mark on the board, which meant the loss of a privilege.

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He quietly endured my scolding.

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Then, meekly, he asked, "So we're not allowed to say Cheez-Its?" Pointing to the boy in front of him, he continued, "He has Cheez-Its. I like Cheez-Its."

Sure enough, the boy in front of him had Cheez-Its.

And I had a crow sandwich for lunch.

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So, now it's up to you, America! In your comments, tell me if you think this story is fact or fiction, and explain your reasoning. I'll reveal the truth in an upcoming post.

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Some Sugar For Sugee

The Jason Show has been awarded with two awards from two of my most favorite recent additions to Other Great Shows.

The above award was bestowed upon The Jason Show by Domestic Spaz. One of the things I like best about the Spaz is that she does a weekly thing called Little Fish, a fun way of recognizing blogs that might not ordinarily get that much recognition. Check it out! Keep it up, Spaz!

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And this Kick Ass Blogger was awarded to The Jason Show by Ree! No, not Ree the Pioneer Woman, I'm talking about Ree from Hotfessional. When Ree first commented on my blog I thought it was The Pioneer Woman, but Grandma J directed me toward the glorious truth. Ree, the Hotfessional, has a sound readership and a lively blog, but Ree from Hotfessional has not been completely overwhelmed by fame (yet).

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Usually I am such a rule follower. No, really. But today I shall bend the rules and I am going to give BOTH, yes, BOTH of these awards to just one blogger who truly has earned them. This blogger is also new to The Show, but she has very diligently, meticulously, and bravely gone back and read, as far as I can tell, all 347 posts in the time span of about one week, and has commented on about 346 of them. (Karen? Diet Coke can Karen? I may have a new stalker? Ya better watch out?)

But wait! Before you think I'm rewarding someone for just reading my blog, might I also mention that she is interesting and funny and writes with a style that I find highly refreshing.

So, without any further delay, these two awards go to. . . drumroll, please. . .

Sugee Andersyn!!!

(And no, people, I didn't give her this bling because her blog header graphic shows her with a fabulous set of knockers. You don't really know me, do you?)
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Brutal Honesty

I can always count on my HUSBAND to call it like it is. He was looking at my blog yesterday (which he almost never does) and said, "This profile picture of yours is terrible. One of your eyes looks crossed or something. Did you do something with the the red-eye reduction? Here, let me see if it looks better if I enlarge it. . . uh, nope, it looks worse. Maybe you should change it."

And here I've been thinking that I really like that picture.

See what happens? You get married and everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

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Disclaimer: This really didn't make me feel bad (much) but mostly I found it funny. I'm not regretting that we got married! And so often he is very complimentary.

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The Soup. . . Soo Meaty!

Each week The Jason Show sends scouts out into the blogosphere, scouring blogs both well-known and yet-to-be-discovered for those single lines that are attention grabbers. Single sentences that resonate for their element of humor, touch of the bizarre, or ability to provoke thought are prestigiously linked to their author, in hopes that viewers of The Jason Show like you will be able to savor a serving of Single Sentence Soup just as our scouts have.

When Babs and friend rose from the aftermath of sweaty sex in a three year old's bed she had chocolate melted in her blond hair and a piece of toast stuck to her ass.

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. . the natives are unfriendly, the food sucks and everyone lives in everyone else's hip pocket. They all drop in on each other at dinnertime and interfere in one another's lives.

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Maybe as we get older we just think Fuck everyone else, I'm gonna go back to thinking everything is all about me - I've earned it.

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Chokin' the chicken can add years to your life.

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I'd like to tell you this little back injury happened by way of the running of the bulls in Pampalona or whilst pulling a large bulldozer via my front teeth, but let's be frank: I've got no pride left and the real story is, everything went to shit while I was pulling the blinds cord in our office.

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Need condoms....woah...Dirt Cheap has em....next to the Baby dolls !!!!

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Paradise Lost?

The second episode in the series "Poop Pretzels" was true. I really did eat a piece of poop. A pretzel poop, that is.

Fact or fiction?

A plethora of tales waiting to be told. . . but are they fact, or fiction? You be the judge.

One year I had a class full of respectful, kind, eager, capable students. Their behavior was commendable, and any teacher would have taken immense pride in them. Anything I asked them to do, they did with care and courtesy, and whenever I taught a lesson their eager eyes watched intently, their open ears listened politely. There were never any problems to speak of. At the end of each day I went home proud and relaxed.

The End

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So, now it's up to you, America! In your comments, tell me if you think this story is fact or fiction, and explain your reasoning. I'll reveal the truth in an upcoming post.
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Blogmanity

Today my good friend told me that she is surprised that I have been posting about this whole "family tragedy" mess, much less open it up for opinions from people I don't even know. I know this kind of thing makes many people largely uncomfortable--the airing of one's dirty laundry out for the whole world to see.

Let me tell you, reading through all of your incredible and passionate responses over the last two days has been an intense experience for me. There were moments I was thinking that I didn't want to read them anymore, and moments I was so glad to be reading them. However, each and every response was heartfelt and worthy of sincere consideration, and some of you spent a lot of your own valuable time providing extensive and thoughtful comments. I thank you for that.

I told my friend today that I am glad I opened it up to your opinions. It has been a very healthy exercise for me to consider both extreme ends of the spectrum--and you've offered perspective and insight to me that I wouldn't have been able to think about otherwise. Some of you have been through, or are going through, situations with common factors, and hearing from those who have been through helps. A lot.

You've helped to ease my heart and mind, and given me a little more confidence in the good of humanity. Or perhaps the good of "blogmanity." (I think that should be a new word. Blogmanity.)

We're still unsure what we'll do when Nathan is released, but I know that whatever we decide, it will be a much more informed and well thought out decision, thanks to so many of you.

Okay, everyone. Feel the love. Give yourself a big squeeze from me and the rest of blogmanity.

A Big Heart?

I'm not sure why, but I was so surprised by some of your reactions to my recent post, A Dip in the Rollercoaster Ride about me sending pictures of Elijah to Nathan in jail. Some commented that I am kind and big hearted. Some seemed outraged that we are even in contact with him at all, let alone sending him pictures and treating him like a member of the family.

I go so back and forth in my feelings about Nathan. One minute I feel intensely sorry for him and I want to help him all I can. The next minute I feel nothing but rage toward him. Then I loathe him. Then later I feel my heart opening up and trying to understand where he comes from, and how someone could do such a horrendous thing to a tiny baby. Then I get really mad at his parents, and I reconsider all of the tales Nathan has told me over the past year about them, and how I shrugged off so many of those things because it seemed like he was blaming all of his troubles on them, and making excuses for himself.

He is so alone. His family has not contacted him once since the incident. He has nobody. When he is released, which has still yet to be determined, he will be required to stay in Los Angeles county for three years. Where will he go? He will have no money, a criminal record with a felony on it, and the whole world will be rightly disgusted by him. Does he deserve that? To be alone? Perhaps. What he did was dispicable. Heinous. Cowardly. Revolting. And so on.

But the thing is, he is so mild. He never, ever raised his voice. He is well-spoken. He was a ballroom dancer, for crying out loud. In all of my observations, he only treated Elijah with tenderness. He worked hard for his family. He worked hard to earn his GED because he wanted Elijah to be proud of him. He has always dealt with Hilary respectfully. He was happy to be a daddy.

Until.

Until.

Until.

Until the unthinkable happened.

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And now he is remorseful, cooperative, and wants to do anything he can to try to remedy the situation, although that is, well, impossible.

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He has asked us if, when he is released, whether it be in weeks, months, or years, if he could stay with us. Until he gets back on his feet again. Of course, Elijah wouldn't be here.

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I can already imagine what some of you may say, but. . . what would you do?

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Quirkinicitism

Six Quirky Things
Tagged by Pumpkin Delight
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I've been tagged to do this fun meme about six quirky things about myself--I've been seeing it around, and finally it's my turn!
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1. Is it quirky to be environmentally conscious? Or is it just environmentally conscious to be environmentally concious? In any case, I CANNOT throw away anything that is recyclable. Not one water bottle, not one soda can. Not even one piece of paper. I have to take it home and put it in my own recycling if there isn't one available. Sometimes when guest are at my house I will go through the trash to see if they threw anything away that should have been recycled.
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2. I cannot go to sleep unless I have a cool, full glass of water in my room. Most of the time I never get up to drink it, but I have to have it in the room with me or I'll toss and turn until I get one.
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3. I hate breakfast foods. Especially pancakes, waffles, french toast, or--gag--donuts. I'd rather eat a garbanzo bean salad with olive oil, lemon juice, mint, tomatoes, garlic, and salt and pepper for breakfast. Or nothing at all except coffee.
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4. Okay, this quirky thing isn't about me. It's about our wonderful babysitter, Ines, who is really part of the family. She does a few quirky things, but the one that is the quirkiest is that after she puts things away in the walk-in pantry, she doesn't just turn around and walk out. She backs out, very, very slowly, with her arms straight to her sides, until she is all the way out and then can safely close the door.
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5. All right, this one isn't about me either. This one is about my dad. Now, if you've had any kind of history with The Jason Show, you'll know my dad and his wife #2 and then after that wife #3 were and are really quirky. Here is one example. And here's another. And yes, another. Oh! And one more. But the one I want to share with you here for number 5 is that when he's happy or excited about something, he'll suddenly run throughout the house, rubbing his hands quickly across his arms. That's weird, isn't it?
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Now, I am tagging these blogs that I have just recently started reading, and I'd like to get to know better. Play if you like! If you'd rather not, dont' worry, my feelings won't be hurt for more than a couple years.
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Love the Eclectic Life
Orenata Aground
Qü€€Ñ ؃ Þ£ÄÑʆ HÔ† ƒ£Â§H™
The Gospel According to Mikey
Minnesota Matron
Storytime With Sugee
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I look forward to hearing about your quirkinicitisms.

A Dip in the Rollercoaster Ride

Today was not such a good day. We got the news that Elijah is going to have to have brain surgery in a couple of weeks. There is a lot of fluid building up bilaterally in the front hemisphere of his skull and it is beginning to put too much pressure on his brain. They will insert a shunt into his head that will enable this fluid to drain, and he will have to have it for several years. There are risks. Risks of infection, risks of more fluid, risks unknown. And even putting the risks aside, the potential pain and discomfort and having him in a hospital again. . . it's too much to think about.

The hardest part is. . .we thought he was doing so well. . .you saw my blessings post from two posts ago. The neurosurgeon is also concerned about his legs and their lack of flexibility, bringing back those frightening words: celebral palsy.

I was still processing all of this news when Giancarlo brought in the mail. A letter that I had sent to Nathan two weeks ago was returned by the jail system because I had included two photos of Elijah, the ones I shared with you here. Anyone wanna guess as to why it was returned?

"Photographs or pictures that are nude, suggestive, showing gangs, gang tatoos, or hand gestures (signs) are not allowed."

The word "nude" was underlined. Yes, the four month old nude photo showing only part of his little butt was enough to get the whole letter and its contents returned. I understand that some of the people that are incarcerated are pedophiles, and well, they have to be strict with them. But what a sad, pathetic commentary on our society!

Sometimes this world is just too much.

The Time Warp

I've been blacking out lately. I'm experiencing. . . loss of time, gaps in my memory. Sometimes moments, sometimes hours. I'm getting concerned. Yesterday I had a half an hour before I needed to take Amelia to her violin lesson, and I felt a blackout coming on. Before I knew it, a half hour had passed Amelia was standing at the bottom of the stairs, calling, "Dad! Come on!
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Just now I put some sausages on the grill and I came inside for a moment and had another blackout. By the time I snapped out of it, the grill outside was billowing with smoke and the sausages were almost ruined.

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This morning as I was just about to climb in the shower, I felt one of these blackouts coming on. When I finally came to, I was standing nekkid in front of the bathroom counter. . . in front of my computer. . . reading blogs and making comments. No, not those kinds of blogs. Your blogs, my dear friends.

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I'm not sure what the problem could be. Has anyone else been experiencing symptoms like these?

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Ideas? Suggestions? Good deviled egg recipes?

Agnostic Blessings, Episode Four

Blessing #309

This is the little boy who spent a week in the ICU just a few weeks ago. Look at him now.

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Poop Pretzels

The first episode in this series, tastefully entitled, "Bloody Crusty Panties," was entirely true, right down to the dictionaries.

Fact or fiction?
A plethora of tales waiting to be told. . . but are they fact, or fiction? You be the judge.

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Another thing they don't teach you about in teacher school: Elementary school teachers will inevitably have to deal with other peoples' poop. No, that is not a metaphor. I should have realized it when I was in the sixth grade myself. Once Brian pooped his pants and then we went out to play kick ball. It was his turn to kick and he nailed the ball really well, and a piece of poop flew out of his pant leg. The pitcher didn't know whether to try to catch the ball or the piece of poop.

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Fast forward about 20 years. I was in my third or fourth year of teaching. One of my students, I wasn't quite sure who, had begun leaving little hard poopy surprises under his desk. I'm imagining it was a student who wore very loose underwear and pants that allowed the hard little nuggets an easy escape route once evacuating the factory. I shared these events with some of the other teachers, and it sort of became an ongoing joke. We even start referring to him as the "Poop Bandit." Days passed and I still couldn't figure out who the culprit was.

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Well, it just so happened that one particular teacher, Debi, liked to teach her kids a cooking class every Friday. That particular day they were making pretzels from scratch in her classroom, and then Debi would take them to the cafeteria to be baked. At the end of the day she pulled her student-made pretzels out of the oven and brought them over to me and another teacher, Sue, to see. And some of them looked pretty good. Some of them, due to their shape, color, and the gradual tapering at the ends, looked---you guessed it---like pieces of poop. This made us giggle. Kind of a whole lot.

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Then, being the wicked, wicked educators that we were, we had tremendous idea.
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A few minutes later, one of the other teachers came down the hall.

"Hey! Steve! You'll never believe this. Come here!" I beckoned.

He approached and I held out a plastic grocery bag, saying, "Look, the Poop Bandit struck again. Only this time, I decided to keep the evidence."

Debi and Sue were biting their lips to keep from laughing. I then reached into the bag and picked one of the "pieces of poop" up.

"Feel it! It's really hard." Steve's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Here, touch it!" He took a step back.

Then I took a bite.

That's when Steve realized he was the victim of a very poopy (or not so pretzely) practical joke.

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So, now it's up to you, America! In your comments, tell me if you think this story is fact or fiction, and explain your reasoning. I'll reveal the truth in an upcoming post.

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Soup's On!

Each week The Jason Show sends scouts out into the blogosphere, scouring blogs both well-known and yet-to-be-discovered for those single lines that are attention grabbers. Single sentences that resonate for their element of humor, touch of the bizarre, or ability to provoke thought are prestigiously linked to their author, in hopes that viewers of The Jason Show like you will be able to savor a serving of Single Sentence Soup just as our scouts have.

"Being all Right Said Fred in my new running top and feeling too sexy for my shirt only to realize at the end of my run on two of the city’s busiest streets that one of the girls had slipped below the built in bra and was dangling noticeably out of place."

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"They must be shoes that would make the church ladies gasp."

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"I didn't want to cause a scene in front of the new fridge."

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"I tend to gobble up Swedish Fish like I'm some sort of Finnish shark."

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"Jason, my dear, if you had attended we would have created a float for you to loll about on as we sashayed you down the hallways ."
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Budding Blogger Boy

"Once upon a time, Mimi had a scary dream about a lion. Not any kind of lion, a kind of lion that was a dinosaur lion that lived a hundred years ago. He had red eyes, and a green stomach and lots of pokey things on his cheeks. He lived in the dark forest deserts of the caves. He drank ink. Purple ink. He ate people that were in lots of lots of lots of lots of trouble. He ate computers, but they weren't purple, they were black like Daddy's. And red, and white, and silver. He ate these color computers. Maybe the lion's going to come and eat your computer, Daddy. He eats people's noses.

All Done."

An Almost Famous Award

My good buddy JLo from Almost Famous has bestowed this snazzy looking award upon me! Forgive me if I sound boastful, but oh my goodness I just have so many awards now I simply don't know what in the world to do with them. Such problems.

I must let you know that JLo loves me like no other loves me. When she and I get together, I'm guaranteed a good time. No matter how down I get, she always makes me smile. Then chuckle. Then laugh. Then break out into boistrous guffawing. Then my sides start hurting and tears run down my face, and soon I realize that I've forgotten my troubles.

And this is the quiz that goes along with the award:

A. attached or single? Attached--newlywed!

B. best friend? Oh, I have far too many to mention.

C. cake or pie? moist chocolate cake with chocolate frosting

D. day of choice? Saturday

E. essential item? toothbrush

F. favorite color? brown

G. gummy bears or worms? Either

H. hometown? Pleasant Grove, Utah, although I don't really consider that home

I. favorite indulgence? wine

J. January or July? July

K. kids? 2 girls, 19 and 15 and one boy, 4

L. life isn't complete without? laughter

M. marriage date? June 9, 2002 (for us) and July 3, 2008 (for California)

N. number of brothers & sisters? 1 sister, 4 brothers

O. oranges or apples? both

P. phobias? snakes

Q. quotes? that sarcastic old lady on calendars...what's her name?

R. reasons to smile? kids

S. season of choice? summer

T. tag seven peeps! (see below)

U. unknown fact about me? I used to speak Navajo

V. vegetable? avocado

W. worst habits? Picking my nose and wiping it in the electrical socket. Oh, wait. That's not me. That's my little brother, Ray.

X. x-ray or ultrasound? x-ray

Y. your favorite food? Mexican food

Z. zodiac sign? Aquarius

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And now I'm to tag seven people with this award and quiz:

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Katrine from Squibs and Crackers

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Laura from Barns and Bananas

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Kira from Lacking Productivity

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Barbra from Not Just Barbra

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Mary from Fightin' Mad Mary

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Gina at Gina Again, and Again, and Again

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Mom #1 at Two Moms Homeschool

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Now go for it, girls!

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On another note, I want to thank Suzanne at Twenty Four at Heart for the incredibly generous and flattering things she said about me on her post for today. If you want to read it, click here. I'm blushing, just thinking about it. But not so much that I have a problem directing you there.

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Bloody Crusty Panties

Fact or fiction?

A plethora of tales waiting to be told. . . but are they fact, or fiction? You be the judge.

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I was in the middle of an outstanding poetry lesson. The sixth graders were engaged, my material was well-prepared, and I was excited about the topic. Brandon got out of his chair, walked toward the front of the room, and stood there next to me.

"Brandon. Sit down please."

"But, Mr. Show. . ."

"Brandon, you're interrupting the lesson. Please take a seat and I'll talk to you in a few minutes."

"It's just that--"

"Bran-don."

Brandon turned around, eyebrows raised, and began walking toward the back. "I just thought you should know there's some panties on the floor."

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Big bothered sigh from me. The lesson had been officially derailed. I went to the back row, and sure enough, there was a dirty pair of girl's underwear on the floor. Very dirty. Dirty and soiled. In two different ways. You know what I mean. I pictured one of my students sitting in her seat, inconspicuously shimmying out of her drawers and flinging them with her toes to the center aisle. Impossible.

This is the kind of thing they don't tell you about in teacher school.

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In a quiet, high voice, I asked "Umm, Lucero? Could you please pick those up for me and put them in the trash? Whose are these anyway?" Crickets. Crickets and thrity two deer in headlights.

"Lucero? Please? Pick them up?"

"Ewww, Mr. Show, nooooo! But I will if I can use these dictionaries," Lucero replied, pointing to her desk.

"Umm, o--kay." I really didn't know what else to say.

So, she grabbed the dictionaries and ceremoniously scooped the ghastly knickers up, slowly tranported them to the trash, and dropped them in. Instantly, all the boys in the class ran over to the trashcan, like flies to a piece of. . .

"Boys. Back to your seats. Back to your seats!"

Yes, my poetry lesson was definitely derailed, and it wasn't getting back on track, not for a long time.

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So, now it's up to you, America! In your comments, tell me if you think this story is fact or fiction, and explain your reasoning. I'll reveal the truth in an upcoming post.

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