While my thoughts today have been geared toward the election, I am not going to write about it right now. Suffice it to say that I voted!
Things on the set of The Jason Show have calmed down over the last few weeks. Last week was my soon-to-be-ex-son-in-law's sentencing. He was sentenced to two counts of inflicting grave bodily harm to a child, with four years in state prison. It is likely that he will end up serving around two of those years, with the months that he has been in jail already counting toward his sentence. It is estimated he will be released early 2010. Hilary, Giancarlo, Claire, Amelia, and I went to the sentencing together. The detective and the assistant district attorney were incredibly kind and accommodating to us, taking time to walk us through the process, asking if we had any questions, and asking if any of us wanted to make an official statement in the courtroom. We were all at a loss for words, except Hilary. Hilary took a few minutes to scribble out some of her thoughts and then it was her turn to stand before the judge, the attorneys, and the man who did this horrible thing to her baby. She poured her heart out--the words flew out of her mouth so quickly that the D.A. had to ask her to slow down so the court reporter could get them all.
After all of these months, Claire, Giancarlo, and I had nothing to say to Nathan or the court. I suppose that is a sign that we have processed it all and we're ready to move forward? Claire was especially surprised that she had nothing to say.
By the way? I'd MUCH rather visit criminal court than family court!!!
Then we piled back into the homobile (that's what I call our minivan) and had an early lunch at Olive Garden! I had grilled chicken with gnocchi. It felt good to finally experience some sense of closure. . . at least to this chapter.
Speaking of gnocchi. I love gnocchi! You may recall that the last time I had gnocchi Giancarlo thought I had stinky feet. Which I did not. I am very conscious of whether my feet stink or not. And if they are, I promptly remedy the situation. Are you? Conscious about about how your feet smell or don't smell? How do people not realize that their feet stink? The other day I was having a very serious discussion about some very serious family drama with my MIL (that I was in no way the middle of this time, thank heavens) and her feet were so stinky I couldn't focus on what I was trying to say. And I couldn't move away either or else she wouldn't understand me due her hearing problem.
Anyway. That brings me to another thing. I'd like to open this question up to all of you out there: How many of you out there are in relationships with someone from another country or culture? What are some of the difficulties that you have experienced with this? Living in a multi-cultural household, I often find myself facing issues that come due to the differences between our family cultures. And this, incidentally, is the root of the very serious family drama that I mentioned above. I would share the details of what has transpired but I'm afraid I would offend someone. But let me reiterate---I am so gosh darn thrilled that I'm not stuck in the middle of this one! That almost makes me giddy!
Is that wrong?
.
28 comments:
Wow. That *was* a stream of consciousness.
I'm hoping Elijah is okay...?
I love it when your conscious streams.
That must have been a difficult day in court for all of you. You have handled the whole thing with such dignity and strength.
I love gnocchi too.
I do not love stinky feet.
Does me being female and Tom being mail count as different cultures? I think it should. Let's talk about one difficulty. How I can find something in the pantry without actually being in the pantry, and how he can be physically standing in front of that thing in the pantry and not be able to find it. How's about that?
I'm glad you're giddy. Giddy is not wrong. Giddy is good.
Ahem. Eff. Up there? That should read "Tom being male" MALE not mail. Because? If he was mail? That would really be weird.
Hopefully the sentencing of this child beater brings some closure and sense of normalcy.
I love Olive Garden. Maybe treat your MIL to a foot massage or spa. She will luv you for it. If not, then buy her some odor-eaters.
....man I was in So. Cal this weekend and I could not beleive all the Yes on 8 B.S! Up here in No. Cal it's No on 8 everywhere...so my sister and I had some gestures to offer to those offending us at intersections!
Glad the soon to be ex S.I.L was sentenced...may he learn some lessons while in jail!
As for smell....I once was afflicted with a mold allergy. I had no sense of smell for a year and a half...although it sucked, sometimes I wish I couldn't smell again...especially when parents wear the bottle of perfume or after shave into my classroom! Not sure what's worse, feet or perfume!
Oh, are we talking about stinky feet? Or other cultures?
I'll go with stinky feet - I had an embarrassing moment when I went to business conference, and I caught a whiff of something stinky and reasoned that it was probably my very old, well worn black sandals, which maybe had been sweated in, and could possibly even have carried a little dog poop in.
So I went back to the hotel room at lunch and washed my feet and bought a pair of sparkly flipflops in the hotel gift shop, hoping to continue the afternoon sessions un-stinky.
I spent two days at the conference (wearing sparkly flipflops), and when I packed up at the end, I grabbed the pair of black pants I'd worn to the first session to put in my luggage, and got a whiff and WHEW!!!
I don't know what it was, but my black pants stunk to high heaven! I know they'd been laundered, but sometimes my family does a washer-load and then forgets it in the washer for DAYS, allowing it to mildew and stink - and the less careful members of my family just go ahead and dry it instead of re-washing it.
So that must have been it. But it meant I attended the business conference both wearing sparkly flipflops AND stinking pants. Ew.
Well I'm glad that you got that business out of the way. I'm glad y'all didn't have too much to say. It usually falls on deaf ears anyway, so . . . no need to get your feelings hurt all over again.
I heart Olive Garden, but I'm trying to do Atkins, so no pasta for me! It makes me sad.
Oh, Mom #2 comes from an extremely traditional Hispanic culture and I come from an extremely country ghetto black, I mean African American, culture. We had LOTS of culture shock when we first got together. We'd argue over what to eat, how to prepare it, who's house to go to for holidays, what to do for holidays . . . EVERYTHING!
It takes a lot of love, laughter, and above all COMPROMISE!!! Now we sort of live in a happy medium culture that we've created all of our own. It's delicious!
I too love gnocchi.
I am also VERY self aware if ANY of me stinks... and I don't understand people who are NOT self aware if they stink.
All my family members are from the US of A, so I can't weigh in on your last query.
Last, but definitely not least, I'm glad the sad chapter of your soon to be ex son in law is coming to a close. Thank God that precious little Elijah is fine, and that Hilary (and the rest of the family) is healing from the nightmare.
Take care, Jason!
It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. It was that I didn't have any words to speak on behalf of Elijah who has had no voice in this whole process. Nothing I could have said would have been good enough for the purpose. The judge was also very good and thorough and gave me hope that there is justice in this world.
I'm happy for you that you're closing this terrible chapter in your lives.
No opinion on the other culture thing--my household's strictly WASP! Or maybe that is my opinion?
Swear, like just an hour ago I told Dayne my toes were cold and when he went to touch them I freaked out for like 2 seconds and jerked them back, thinking they might have smelled from the slippers, but then Dayne checked, and alas I passed with flying colors! :)
I like how you think...all over the place. I don't have a culture difference so much as a planetary difference. I am from Mars, Husband is from Venus. We are still trying to work through things. No stinky feet around here, not sure how to handle that. Good luck. :)
I am an American living in Australia and I am in a relationship with a South African.
As diverse as that sounds, the three cultures are not really that different.
Except the fact that he rubs his hands on denim... and that noise it dries out my tongue... but I am not sure if that is a cultural thing.
PS - I don't remember gnocchi smelling like rotten feet! Are you sure that Giancarlo's feet weren't stinky and he was trying to blame it on you?
My in laws are of the same ethnic background as me, but sometimes I'd swear they're from another planet.
So glad you got the sentencing behind you. Not only is it closure...it's a beginning to another phase of your healing. God bless, my friend.
You need to come to philly to get some real Italian food
#1
I love how your all over the place here in this post.
I too am glad that the court proceding are over with this young man. When it comes down to it, what could the 3 of you said that would be able to convey fully the suffering of Elija? I think the fact that you were all there says a lot. I continue to pray for all of you as you move on in your lives after this tragedy.
My new son-in-law is from Chili and I do see the cultural differences and I do see that my daughter and him will have to work through some things as they come up.
Be glad and giddy that your not stuck in the middle of this issue, whatever it may be. I know with my family, I try to stay out of the middle of issues and it works so much better that way.
#1. Odor eaters are a good stocking stuffer. And my feet don't stink.
#2. As you know, I am marrried to someone of a differnt cul;ture and it has been a whole slew of issues. I was brought up to be accepting of all people and all cultures. I was honestly naive to think that marrying into another culture wouldn't be that big of a deal. It was. I can't say I've ever felt completely accepted by Andy's nuclear family, but I think he can say that he does by mine.
#3 Sorry I wasn't a good friend to you. I didn't know you had another court date. Let your mind be finally at peace.
No multi-cultural relationship here or stinky feet! But my sister was in one and had children. I love seeing how close Tristan is with them and how much he loves his cousins no matter the skin color difference. A little off topic but hey.......
I'm glad the man was held accountable for his abuse. I wonder what is the explanation for his actions? You described him as 'mild mannered'...it's hard not to wonder what is going on with someone who appears nice and does such a violent thing, more than once.
At any rate I'm glad you all have some kind of closure on it. Poor Hilary. I can't imagine how she must feel.
this may not seem related, but I think it is...
Last month there was a wedding in my husband's family. No cultural clashes, but huge amounts of family drama going on.
Since I was completely not involved, I just sat back and watched the fireworks! And it was kind of fun! Is that wrong?
I don't think that I ever thought that gnocci smelled like smelly feet, but I think I haven't had that very often.
I am in a multi-cultural relationship. Me, being American, and him being born in Pakistan. He was raised Muslim and I was raised Mormon. We have a lot of things that are so different from each other, but it's working out somehow. Most of our difficulties are coming from trying to deal with each other's families.
I am from a multi-stinky family. We don't discriminate on basis of odor. We discriminate only on basis of sound. Usually by clapping.
On a more serious note, thinking of you for so many reasons today, and wishing you peace.
-- Laurie
First, I'd like to give you a virtual hug and wish strength and closure to you and your family, and continued health to Elijah.
As to your question, I am white and Jewish, and my husband is Dominican. We are culturally different, but personally so similar. I actually wrote a blog entry about this very topic. I have problems with my MIL, but that's more because she's effing crazy than due to cultural differences.
I'm glad that you are at least done with some of this chapter... and I am glad Hillary had a chance to have her say... good for her!
Yes, I am conscious of stinky feet and will confess to spraying shoes down on a regular basis...
My husband is from the Deep South... I think that qualifies as "from another culture".
Silly man - giddy is good!
Thanks for the well wishes on my show! It was fantastic!
You are so funny! And wonderful! I am thankful there are people like you in the world! Glad there was closure for you during this horrible situation.
It IS good when the drama is not about you.
So glad that this court appearance and the sentencing is behind you. And that the baby is safe.
My ex-husband is of a different culture than I am. I went to live in that country before we met, so I thought I would be immune from culturally differences. Boy, was I wrong. Most important thing to notice: how are women treated in that society. I'm not talking Venus / Mars here, but some very basic expectations. I tried for the longest time to meld the two cultures, but at a certain point I imploded from the stress of dissatisfaction.
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