Commitment, Europe, and Hormone Injections

On June 9th, 2002, Giancarlo and I had a small, quiet commitment ceremony in the back yard of our new home. While we had been together for over five years, we wanted to make a formal commitment to each other in the presence of friends and loved ones. We also became officially recognized by the state of California registered domestic partners.

The year 2002 was a busy one. Three weeks after our commitment ceremony, we took my youngest brother, Paul, and our two girls, Hilary and Amelia, with us on a month long trek across Europe, including a week in Giancarlo’s home town, Casacalenda, Italy, and a 14-day Mediterranean cruise. It was beyond my wildest dreams, something I never thought I would be able to do in my lifetime much less share with my littlest brother and our daughters. Even taking the bumps and bruises that came along with hauling a ten year old and two teenagers on such a long trip into consideration, we had a very memorable time.

Meanwhile, Claire was back here in SoCal house sitting for us and undergoing the first of many grueling preparations for the in-vitro process. This included daily shots administered directly into her abdomen with horrifyingly long, thick syringes, multiple medications and hormone treatments, as well as frequent visits to the specialist in Beverly Hills. We returned from Europe just in time to witness these treatments and even assist in administering them. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was stabbing those syringes into Claire’s tummy. In spite of the havoc that her body was undergoing, Claire took it like a trooper.

We were still adjusting to the generosity that came from Claire’s offer to help us have a baby. Pregnancy is never easy, but it seemed to be especially hard on Claire and the fact that she was willing to go through it again, for a fourth time, for us, was mind boggling. How many women do you know that have offered to carry a baby for her ex-husband and his registered domestic partner? And for that matter, how many husbands do you know who fully support their wives in carrying a baby for her ex-husband and his registered domestic partner? Dennis was a trooper, too, when it could have been so easy for him to disagree.

After over a month of treatments, the eggs were ready to be harvested, and the in-vitro fertilization and implantations were scheduled. During the whole in-vitro process, Giancarlo, Claire, and I were faced with some challenging questions and decisions. How many embryos will be fertilized? How many should be implanted? What will we do with the rest of them? How do we feel about quadruplets, triplets, twins? What if the implantation isn’t successful? How much money is this going to cost? Will we be able to try again if it doesn’t work?

One hot morning in August we drove to Beverly Hills in anticipation of the implantations. We had three viable embryos, and we decided to implant all three of them in hopes that at least one would survive. The doctor gave Claire a valium, and a few minutes later we were standing at Claire’s head watching the monitor while the doctor carefully placed the embryos inside her uterus. It was an astounding and surreal. The procedure went well and we went home in high hopes.

A couple of days later, Claire flew back to Seattle. It would be a few very anxious weeks for us all before we would be able to tell if she was indeed pregnant.

All we could do was wait.