Teen Angst

There is small organization in the LA area called LA Angst. It is a forum for people to get together and read embarrassing journal/diary entries from their teen years to eachother. The very idea makes my toes curl!

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A couple of posts ago, I shared some of my thoughts that I had written in a notebook about my life when I was eleven years old. What I didn't tell you is that from the age of fourteen to twenty three, I kept very diligent journals (being the obedient Mormon boy that I was) and I have stored them away, together with my eleven year old Harriet the Spy notebook. And now, I have heaved the dusty box upstairs from the garage to read in private, and undoubtedly, become so chagrined that my face will turn deep shades of purple. Then I will promptly post these entries on the internet for the whole world to see forever and ever.
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Friday, November 25, 1983
Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Our family ate alone...again. We invited the Crosby's (my cousins) to come but they decided not to. I am going to go crazy. Every kid in our family is a hyper spaz. Donna (my Navajo foster sister) can't hold still for one minute, she's always shaking her hands. Katrine is always jumping around the house with her stupid Chinese jumprope, Ray is always a spaztic and he is so ugly he makes me sick. Daniel and Ben are just plain brats in every way.
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Well. I'm sorry everyone. Strange how many people now think that Ray is now the best looking out of all of the brothers.
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Saturday, November 26, 1983
At noon we had to do a bunch of running around to the feedstore, tire store, grocery store and to get my suit drycleaned. I didn't want to go because I was expecting a call from Doug and on top of that it is a total bore running around with all of my bratty brothers. They're all such scrounges, especially Ray.

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Again, Ray, my apologizies, you Hottie.
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Tuesday, March 19, 1985
Today everything that could have gone wrong did. First of all, it was very hard getting up this morning. Once I finally got out of bed, my eyes were totally blood shot, just as they have been every day lately. I rely on Visine. I had 3/4 bottle left but then Ben dumped it down the drain, so I went to school looking completely stoned. On top of that, my face is breaking out again.........
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In English I flunked a quiz, then I had to DRAG my boring, unenthusiastic, lazy, underachiever, immature can't ever be serious friend Brett to it. I yearn to get excited and have school spirit, but with Brett all I do is get frustrated and depressed......during the assembly Claire gave me a very crusty, hateful
look. . . . . .then someone stole my lock right off of my locker in weight lifting. . .I had no choice but to hurry and change and fling my clothes into Kerry Walter's locker, and now they smell like I've been smoking. Then I was late for weight lifting and I got there just in time to realize it was our max test. Joy, hallelujah! I did improve on my bench press but to be totally honest, I wasn't honest and I didn't do a squat or a dead lift but I estimated (quite honestly) and said that I got a 170 squat and a 210 dead lift.....Coach Bluth made my day...
We were calling out our scores and he asked for my squat weight. . when he got to me, I called out "170."
He rudely replied, "I said SQUAT first!"
"That was my squat." I squeaked, face reddening.
He smirked. "Oh, sorry." Well, you can imagine what my gracious class thought of that one!
UUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
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Finally, class ended. I walked up to seminary with Brett, in a very quiet and grouchy mood. Picture this: A 5'7" zit faced 99 pound 16 year old with bloodshot eyes, scowling at most people, smiling at a select few. He has a boy following him who likes to eat and be lazy and wears a pea green jacket and puts Dippity Doo in his hair because it is "too long....I can't work with it" following him......
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I came home and the house was a mess....so I cleaned the house and then began putting the new kitchen faucet in when Dad comes storming in, shoving Ray in front of him. Ray's head is gushing blood all over the floor. He had fallen into the basement foundation of the house being built next to us. Of course, he was screaming. I looked at his injury and about threw up. It was about 5:15, and Dad had chores to do, so I drove Mom and Ray to the hospital. The cut was an
inch and a half long, right in the middle of his forehead, and it went clear to the skull. It was gruesome. They allowed me to stay right there and watch it all. It was sickening....
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We got home and found that Dad had busted the kitchen pipes completely....so now we are completely without water in our kitchen. . . .it will probably stay that way for about a month!
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ON TOP OF ALL THAT, MY TYEPWRITER IS STILL NOT FIXED SO I CAN'T PRACTICE MY TYPING TIMED TEST!!!!!
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It seems my positive attitude has gone down the toilet and I can feel how it is ruining my personal relationships.
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That's where I'll stop. But don't worry, there's plenty more where this came from!

Let's Play Whale

"Daddy, let's play whale. I play it sometimes with Ini, " Diego explained as I helped him into the tub.

"Whale? All right, how do you play whale?" I asked.

"First, you have to put your hands together like this," he said, cupping his hands together. "Then, I pour water into your hands. But I call it coffee."

I went along, "You call it coffee? Okay. then what?"

"Then, Lisa Simpson swims around in it," he continued as he grabbed the little Lisa Simpson toy that came from one of many kid's meals and put her into my cupped hands.

I wanted to know, "Why does she swim in coffee?"

"Because she likes coffee and when swims in it she goes really, really fast. And then when I say 'The water's all dirty' you have to drop Lisa Simpson into the water and then she goes under the drain."

"Oh....but why is this game called whale?" I wondered.

"I dunno. Because I like whales!" It all made so much sense.

Smoke Dayze

This is what my city has been looking like the past few days.
All school have been cancelled twice.
Certainly you've seen a it on the news. Yuck.

My New Look

I've been thinking about getting a bit of a facelift. For my blog, that is. Here are some of the possibilities I've been toying with for my homepage. Take a look! What do you think?

This one promises mystery, and fun.



This one hints at something tasty and meaty.




This one offers stimulation and culture.





This one hints at things unseen. . .and perhaps raunchy.

This one is just fun and playful.

This is makes me feel like eating Chinese food.

This one clearly reflects my deep religious convictions and my staunch Catholicism.

This one goes along with the whole television series theme...this is my parking place in the backlot.

The one symbolizes all of those troubled years that I rode a school bus.

This one suggests a chatty, talk-show like atmosphere.

This picture represents my teen years and all that they brought with them....even things like hovering around my boom box, hoping for one of my favorite songs so I could tape it directly off of the radio onto a cassette tape.

Does this one need any king of explation from me, really?

Or this one?

Or this one?

I would like to bring a little bling onto the set, that's for sure.

This is actually the back of my head. I had my stylist, Debbie, shave this into my hair, just for, you know, fun.

And last, but certainly not least. . .

my most favorite face lift possibility of all for my blog. . .

something that truly reflects my personality and that of my dear readers. . .

Leave a comment, give me feedback, then I'll whip up a little survey so American can vote!

Thank you, Imagechef, and Karie! This was the most blogging fun I've had in a long time!

Conspiracy Theories

My dad, this "man-capri wearing goat lover," is a conspiracy theorist. As I look back over my life I clearly see his pattern of conspiracy theories. There have been many. Many. And some day I will share them with you (just when you thought my growing up years couldn't get any kookier!) Today, however, I wish to share his current conpiracy theory, which he didn't devise himself, but he has certainly taken it on as his own.

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It all has to do with this man,

this tragedy,
and this war:

According to my dad and those who guided him into this way of thinking,
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1. George W. Bush and his supporters have been plotting for years to take over the U.S. government and turn it into a huge rogue institution, existing only to serve him and his constituents.

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2. September 11th was planned and carried out by the U.S. government in order to gain the nation's support in going to war with Afghanistan and Iraq.....all in the name of oil and a bunch of rich Texans.

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3. The government is completely corrupt and a total sham. The IRS is a rogue institution and makes people disappear that challenge its validity, and all other government offices and institutions are now complete farces. (Probably even such vile government programs as W.I.C. and the national physical fitness program for fifth graders.)

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Now, to be clear, I have never been a fan of George W. Bush and his policies. I'm sure there has been a disturbing amount of dishonesty going in within his administration. However....I'm not convinced that the entire government has been taken over by evil men. Am I being naive?

What do you think?

(By the way, my dad is also pretty sure that he needs to keep a low profile in order to stay out of the radar of Bush's "modern day gestapo." So, this post probably isn't going to help him do that. If he goes missing, we'll know it was my fault. Sorry, Dad.)

Snippets From an 11-Year-Old Jason

When I was in fifth grade, this was my favorite book:

Harriet the Spy is the story of a twelve year old girl who spies on people and takes very candid, opinionated notes on everything she sees and hears. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy the book, but I decided I wanted to be like Harriet and do some spying of my own. I actually still have my spy notebook, holding onto it thinking I may some day have a use for it. Twenty seven years later, I'm dusting it off....just for you.

I can't believe how long it takes my brother and sister to choose a cereal! They also fight over the dumbest things.

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Something is wrong with my life. I can feel it in my bones.

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Ron is disgusting. He goes around with only his swimming suit on in fifty degree weather. He is more disgusting than Phillip. Now that's pretty bad!

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I am going to be the best actor in the whole US of A. In my spare time I will write childrens' books that have adventure, lots and lots of laughs, and relate to real life. I know what children like, since I am one, so if I read this when I'm an adult I'll know what children like.

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Dad always runs around rubbing his hands on his arms like a. . . a. . . I don't know what the word is.

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I would hate to bite someone's foot for fun.

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Sister Stafford looks like a retard when she plays the organ. I still like her though.

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Katrine smells like toilet paper.

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Ray has suddenly turned into a cracker freak! He eats 100 crackers a day!

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This notebook is starting to become part of my life! I wouldn't trade it for a trip around the world! I'm going to fill up tons of notebooks with my thoughts and keep writing and writing until I'm old and gray and can't write anymore!

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My parents are rude to us. To other people they act nice. But they are fake. I hate it when they do that. Fake! Fake! Fake! Oooo that makes me mad.

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There is a lady in our ward who has a mustache and her eyes are crossed.

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My brother Daniel is so cute! He has red hair, blue eys and all of the girls are going to chase after him when he grows up! With all of his luck he'll be a movie star.

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I wonder what my mom would do if someone came up to her and said, "poopoo" or "weenie" or swear.

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Dad embarrasses me sometimes.

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I HATE football. It has no purpose at all. It's a stupid game. I'd like to hang the person who created that dumb game!

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E.R.A. is going too far. Pretty soon, if Anderson wins the election, I won't have one bit of privacy! I'll go into the bathroom and there will be women in there! There will be homosexuals swarming everywhere! Then everyone will be sorry they even brought up equal rights!

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Sometimes when Katrine gets on the bus her hair is never combed. She looks forlorn.

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I won't listen. I hate listening to the ridiculous conversations mom and dad have. Dad always gripes about people who gripe.

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Outside is the only quiet place at our house. Noises at our house:

1. TV blaring so loud its no wonder dad can't ever listen.

2. Ben and Daniel crying. (In fact I hear Ben right now.) I'm sick of babies.

3. Mom screaming. Well, sometimes.

4. Me screaming. I've been so moodly lately, I don't know what's happening. I lied. I think I'm going through puberty.

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I must be changing because I never help mom anymore. I don't know why. My parents told me they want to understand me. I think it's impossible to for them to understand. I don't know who I can talk to. If I try talking to mom, Daniel or Ben or Katrine or Ray always interrupt. It's aggravating! So I just gave up. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???

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So there you have it. A glimpse into the mind of an eleven year old me. Frightening, isn't it?

Changing My Life Forever

This cute little guy you see here is on the way to changing my life forever.

When it comes to technology (or anything new and trendy, for that matter) I am never on the cutting edge. It always takes me a couple of years to warm up and gear up to the latest and greatest products and advances. I was one of the last to finally make that switch from cassettes to CDs, and from VHS to DVD. I was one of the last to hook up to the internet in my house, in fact, the now obsolete question, "Do you have email?" was kept popular because of people like me. I was one of the last to finally give in and get a cell phone. I was one of the last to ever download music online (although I don't anymore!) I was one of the last to make the switch from a desktop to a laptop. I held onto my 35 mm camera well into the age of digital cameras. I was one of the last to join Netflix. At work I'm one of the last to jump in with both feet with new technology. And now, finally, I'm one of the last to join the current century and get a DVR! (That stands for Digital Video Recorder, for those of you who don't know.)

Funny thing is, though, once I finally jump on the current bandwagon I find myself so invigorated---whole new worlds being opened up before my very eyes, worlds I had never imagined in my wildest dreams! Things like recording multiple programs at the touch of a button, watching them at another touch of a button, and, yes, yes! Even fast forwarding through the blimey commercials.

Don't act like you're not rolling your eyes at me right now. I know you are.

Why am I like this? That's a whole 'nother post. More importantly, what am I doing with this newfound freedom?

Well, first of all, I am no longer going to sit silently, pathetically, through hour upon hour of endless TV conversations between my friends, with my eyes averted, resentment and bitterness welling up inside me like a cancer. I will now actually have something to say other than an overeager comment about Desperate Housewives. Am I just going to automatically watch what my friends watch? Of course not. But I sure will give everything they watch a try!

I'm sure you're just dying to know what I already have set to record. Now don't laugh. I'm just beginning and I realize I have a lot of ground to cover in order to catch up with the sophisticated recording schemes and strategies that you DVR veterans have developed over time. I'll get there, though. Don't worry. But I'm certainly open for suggestions in the comments section! What are your favorite shows? What have I been missing all this time? What should I be watching? (Keep in mind, all I ever watched was Desperate Housewives because it was the only thing that conveniently fit into my schedule.)

Okay, here we go!

--Brothers and Sisters

--Weeds

--Dexter

--Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

--Rick and Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in the World

--VH1 V-Spot Top 20 Countdown

--South Park

--Californication

--Scrubs

--Go, Diego, Go!

--Backyard Agains

--Queer as Folk

--The Complete Tales of the City

--30 Rock

(and of course)

--Desperate Housewives

Now, before you say anything, I know many of you are going to say, "The Office! Duh!" But let me just say that I have tried to watch the office before and I just didn't get it. And I got motion sickness.

My Environmental Pet Peeve

Blogger, the website that hosts my blog, has challenged each of its users to come up with an environmental post on October 15th. It didn't take me even five seconds to come up with my topic. This has something that has bothered me for years, and it makes me angrier the older I get.

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Smokers, please STOP throwing your cigarette butts out the car window! You've all seen it! Countless times we have sat in our cars at stop lights and witnessed the driver ahead of us finish a cigarette and carelessly toss the butt onto the pavement. What makes these people think the rest of us should deal with their refuse? If you want to smoke and pollute your own body, that is your option, just don't pass the second hand smoke onto the rest of the world, and for the love of God, don't drop the butt onto the pavement! All of these butts add up. They really add up.
There are many campaigns all around the world to combat this global epidemic. It looks like the Aussies have found a good way to incorporate humor into their efforts!
As I've been preparing this post, I've come across some interesting, and maddening facts. Read on:

"It is estimated that several trillion cigarette butts are littered worldwide every year. That's billions of cigarettes flicked, one at a time, on our sidewalks, beaches, nature trails, gardens, and other public places every single day. In fact, cigarettes are the most littered item in America and the world. Cigarette filters are made of cellulose acetate tow, NOT COTTON, and they can take decades to degrade. Not only does cigarette litter ruin even the most picturesque setting, but the toxic residue in cigarette filters is damaging to the environment, and littered butts cause numerous fires every year, some of them fatal." (Taken from cigarettelitter.org)

Cigarettelitter.org is the first website that pops up when you do a search for cigarette butts. It's nice to see that people all over the world are as bugged by this as I am (and more!)

"Our effort can only be successful with broad, grassroots support from the mainstream public. There are many ways to take action on your own and many ways to get involved with CigaretteLitter.Org. Here are some things you can do on your own:

--Most importantly, if you smoke, PLEASE DON'T LITTER.
If you have friends, co-workers, relatives, or neighbors who litter cigarettes, let them know how you feel. Direct them to this web-site for more information. For situations where direct communication is awkward, use our anonymous e-mail feature.

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--If you see someone litter their cigarette, try to communicate your feelings to them in a non-confrontational way. One way to do that is to pick up their cigarette and dispose of it for them so that they get the message that their action was not appropriate. Another way is to just say how you feel. Do whatever is comfortable for you, but try not to let the incident go unchecked. When someone litters in full view of lots of people and no one says anything, it is easy for that person to assume that their action is normal and appropriate.

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--Write letters to the editors of newspapers and magazines expressing your views. Mention this site as a reference. The more people who litter their cigarettes see that people do care, the more likely they are to reconsider their actions.
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--Write letters to local government, law enforcement, and fire safety officials asking them to take a more active role in the issue. Just about every community has an ordinance prohibiting litter, including cigarettes. Unfortunately, these ordinances are not enforced as often as they could be.

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--Organize a local clean up dedicated to cigarette litter or to litter clean-up in general and count the number of cigarettes picked up. Be on the lookout for local clean-ups and volunteer to be in charge of cigarette butts. Anything to raise awareness of the issue helps.

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--Call the 1-800 product hotlines of cigarette manufacturers and ask that they implement environmentally friendly packaging for their product. Ask that they help educate consumers that cigarettes are not truly biodegradable, that they cause fires, and that they are toxic to water sources.

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--When you shop somewhere that sells cigarettes, ask to speak with the manager and ask the store to implement a cigarette litter awareness and reduction program. Anything from a sign, to selling cigarette disposal products along with cigarettes is a step in the right direction. Here are some ways you can participate directly with CigaretteLitter.org:
Make a financial contribution!

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--Volunteer. Because CigaretteLitter.Org currently has no paid staff, we need help in all shapes and sizes. Are you a professional who can donate expertise (e.g. legal, accounting, marketing, production, etc.)? Would you like to answer phone calls and e-mail and provide information to interested parties about CigaretteLitter.Org? Is there another way you think you could help? Please let us know!

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--Start a local chapter. This kind of effort works best at the grass roots level. Would you like to start a chapter in your community? "

So there!

I recognize that I suffer from delusions of graduer. The small handful of you that actually read my blog don't even smoke, and probably don't really know many people that do! But this post made me feel a little bit better.

Probing Questions II

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No, only the Norton's grocery store assistant manager.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters? Wide open.

3. When's the last time you've been sledding? Probably 25 years ago.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? That depends on who the someone else is! Giancarlo, or alone.

5. Do you believe in ghosts? No.

6. Do you consider yourself creative? A little.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? O.J. is the only one who really knows that answer to that question.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? I like them both.

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? Sure, a few things. Like I can't stand how we are spending buhzillions of dollars on the space program and we're down here on earth dropping like flies from cancer.

10. Do you know how to play poker? Sort of.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No way. I would die.

12. What's your favorite commercial? Where's the Beef? My younger readers will not understand this.

13. Who was your first love? Lindsay Wagner

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? No, I'm too much of a ruler follower.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? I'll never tell!

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Excuse me? Do you mean red socks purchased in Boston or New York Yankers? I'd prefer New York Yankers.

17. Have you ever been ice skating? Yes

18. How often do you remember your dreams? A couple times a week.

19. What's the one thing on your mind lately? Amelia and Giancarlo their relationship

20. Do you always wear your seat belt? Absolutely

21. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could sing any song and play any song on the piano. At the same time.

22. Do you like sushi? Not anymore after a series of unfortunate events involving sushi, big tall fruity drinks, and the Citiwalk parking lot.

23. What do you wear to bed? The less, the better. But usually a pair of boxers.

24. Do you truly hate anyone? I suppose if I thought about it enough I could come up with a few people that I must truly hate, but off the top of my head, no.

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Sleep? Or something else?

26. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently.

27. What food do you find disgusting? The little candied fruit things that go in fruitcake.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Yes.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face? Only by a three year old.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons? Just the human kind.

I Double Dare You

I double dare you to click here to find out what Bossy found in her drain.

Or maybe I DO love Disneyland

I know that my last post was all about how I don't love Disneyland. However, my coworkers twisted my arm the second afternoon we were here after our convention activities ended for the day, and I gave into them and joined them as they ventured into the happiest place on earth. I brought my trusty camera along, and it was a good thing, because I saw a few things today that made me think twice about how I feel about Disneyland.

And I want to share them with you here.

For instance, I had never seen this dancing mushroom guy before. There was something compelling about it, and I don't think it was because I like mushrooms.

Of course, it is October, and Disneyland goes all out to decorate for fall and Halloween. So I saw some things I hadn't seen before, which was fun.

And I don't remember Disneyland having such a nice wine shop. I never buy expensive wine, but I like to look at it and maybe taste some. We stepped outside the wine shop and imagine my surprise when we saw Christina Aguilera posing with Donald Duck!

Then I started really taking a look at my surroundings and I realized there are awful lot of male couples here, some even holding hands! And what could be gayer than riding the tea cup ride with the guy you love?

It was so nice of these guys to let me take a picture of them. They were so happy and having such a great time---it did my heart good. This was the moment I started seriously rethinking my stance on Disneyland.

It took me a few minutes for me to figure out what was going on with these two ladies to really register. I thought they were just being funny with their Mickey and Minnie hats, placing one over each boob. But then I looked again. How fun is this? I especially love that this is a mother and daughter collaboration.

Disneyland has lots of delicious candy around. Eye candy, that is.

And then, to close the evening's festivities, the parade and fireworks. Everyone loves the parade at Disneyland. Some of the sights you see are amazing.

NOW, I understand why they call it the happiest place on earth.

I Don't Love Disneyland

Tonight I am sitting on my bed in the Disneyland Hotel. I can see the tip of the Matterhorn out my window and I can hear the tram go by every minute or so. I'm here for a work related conference and everyone else giddily ran off to Disneyland after our last session today, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to come back to my room and rest. And blog. Why?
Because I don't love Disneyland.
Because I don't love Disneyland.
Because I don't love Disneyland.
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This fundamentally goes against the kind of person I think I am. I'm generally easy going, and fun-loving, am I not? It is a general stereotype of those sharing my orientation that we all love Disneyland. So why wouldn't I like a place that proclaims itself "the happiest place on Earth?"
Why do you think this is? Why do I feel this way? I know I'm just expected to love Disneyland because everyone else does. I know we're taught from a young age that Disney is good, Disney is fun, Disney is wholesome, Disney is what's right with the world. But if really does nothing for me. I don't enjoy standing in long, long lines, going on little rides with Disney characters all over them, and I don't like paying astronomical amounts to do all of this! Not to mention the price of the food--make that the price of everything here!
In our family we have a tradition that whenever somebody turns five, we come to Disneyland for that child's birthday. This tradition is fine and I'm happy to come because I know that the kids love it. And I would have loved it when I was a kid. So I'll suck up my inner grumblings, put on a happy, Disney face, and spend the day and well into the night, and yes, even enjoy the experience through the five year old's eyes. Diego will be five in two years, and we'll come and it will be fun. Then, three years later, my first grandchild will be five and we'll come again. And it will be fun.
But I know actual people who actually don't have any children, nor do they actually plan on having any, and they actually come to Disneyland many times during the year because they actually like it that much! They have Disneyland license plate frames and Disney clothes and Disney decorations. One of these such people used to come clear to Disneyland just for the sake of walking around the park and sucking on one of the great big dill pickles they sell here. Or used to sell. Apparently now they don't even sell those same pickles, but this person still loves coming to Disneyland, pickle or not.

What is it that makes full grown adults love Disneyland so much?
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And what is it that makes me not love it so much? Am I missing a special Disneyland chromosome? Am I just an old fuddy dud? A crumudgeon? A killjoy?
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Please, dear readers, help! Was I born this way? Or was it a traumatic childhood experience that did this to me? Maybe I was too much of a Momma's boy when I was little. Maybe my dad and I didn't spend enough time together. Or......maybe Satan is making me feel these feelings. Maybe if I pray hard enough God will make me love Disneyland.