Saturday 9

The lazy ass producers of The Jason Show came across this meme from Jason's bestie, Pumpkin Delight.  She, who is far from a lazy ass, came across this here.

1.  Have you ever had a romantic break-up that was easy?

Truthfully, I have only really had one real romantic break-up.  And it was the most difficult thing in my life.  After that, I dated a guy for a couple of months, and I was crushed when he dumped me.  For about one hour. Then I realized how wrong we were for each other and that I needed to quit my teaching job and become a flight attendant. (Which never happened.)

2.  When was the first time you felt betrayed?

At the age of 4 the dentist told me to close my eyes and I'd get a big surprise.  Then he jabbed the inside of my mouth with my first ever novocain shot.  Well, I never fell for that trick again!  

3.  Do you feel religious beliefs should have a role in politics?

Absolutely not.

4.  Are you doing anything special this weekend?

I am recovering from a cold.  Laying around and napping all day is very special!  Too bad it was such a beautiful day outside.

5.  Oreo cookies turned 100 this week.  How do you eat an Oreo?  

I don't eat Oreos.  I don't like them.

6.  If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

I would like working out at a gym.  For two hours.  Every day.  At 4:00 a.m.  

7.  Describe a time when you should have tried harder.

I think an ongoing battle with me is needing to try harder with my family.  I should be more in tune with Giancarlo's emotional needs.  I should spend more time with Diego.  I should have more patience and show more affection to my in-laws.  I should call my dad more often.  I should keep in touch with my siblings better than I do.  Sometimes I think I'm lazy when it comes to my relationships that matter the most. 

 (He says as he spends yet another hour on his computer, isolated from his family!)

8.  What is your favorite baseball-related movie?

My first reflex was to say that there are no baseball related movies that I like.  But that's not true.  I liked A League of Their Own (Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell--a gay baseball movie if there ever was one), and also a gay themed baseball movie called The Broken Hearts Club, starring the tasty Dean Cain.

9.  What is one lesson you have learned this past year?

There is only so much a person should have to put up with.  Sometimes you have to put your big boy panties on and make a change.

I Can't Help It. I Love Enya.

 

I'm trying to recover from a cold that I've had this week, so I've spent pretty much the entire day in bed or on the couch, playing Words With Friends, The SIMS Social, Facebooking, and scrolling through the endless pages of Pinterest.  I've also been dozing and listening to my entire Enya collection on my ipod.  So what?  I love Enya and I always will.  She's so ethereal.  So exquisite.  So sublime.  So unearthly.

I have special memories associated with Enya.  The first time I ever heard her was when I was sitting next to Claire during an ultrasound, getting the very first unfathomable glimpse of our baby Amelia when she was smaller than my hand.  I remember asking the ultrasound technician who the artist was.  The name stuck with me and soon I began my collection.

I recall driving through ice and snow at 5:30 a.m. on my way to my very first student teaching assignment.  Her calm and wonderment somehow made student teaching an experience that I could describe with those same adjectives.  Maybe I should be listening to her regularly at school, nineteen years later.  I know I could use some calm and wonderment.

I have learned some of Enya's pieces on the piano.  I feel immediately calmed when I sit and play them.  I know it calms Giancarlo, too.  He never comments on the pieces in my repertoire, unless I am playing Enya.  He doesn't know Enya from the man in the moon, he is just not a musical person, but when I play one of her pieces he often stops, rubs my back, and says how nice it sounds.

In writing this post, I've come to realize that I am not as loyal of a fan as I thought.  There are two albums that came out in 2007 and 2008 that I do not possess!  

Not for long.

A Slight Valentine Confession

Confession time.  I'm the loser parents who doesn't realize that his child doesn't have valentines for his class until the night before at 7:00.  Yes, the very same parent who has been talking to his own class of seven-year-olds about Valentine's Day and how they are not supposed to write anyone's name on their valentines;  just sign their own name for the sake of passing them out in a quick and easy fashion.  You see, we no longer have time for such frivolities as Valentine's Day parties in our National Blue Ribbon School. . . just a few minutes at the end of the day to pass out cards.  Somehow the idea of writing only their names and not everyone else's boggled their minds and I could tell they didn't really get it in spite of my red-faced explanations, so tomorrow I'll bet most of them bring their valentines with names on them.  

Do you suppose this is why I blocked out the whole thing when I walked through the door of my own home?

A group of teacher friends and I were talking a few weeks back about how we love kids, but when it comes to dealing with them outside of the school setting, we really don't want much to do with them, unless they're our own, or perhaps the kids of a friend or family member.  (We also talked about how we have to resist the urge to discipline naughty children that don't belong to us at the grocery store.)

Furthermore, I really don't enjoy going to see kids' movies in the theater or watching them here at home, which is sad because, hi?  I have a seven year old son who likes movies.  But most of the time I 'd rather poke my eye out with a stick.

Once in a while, people will ask me if we are going to adopt any more children.  I feel like a troll when I say, "No way," and often I hurry to explain that I was the oldest of six children, all of which were much younger than me, and that I played a pretty big part in raising them.  Then, when I married at the ripe age of 21,  I (very happily) was an instant father.  We soon had another, and then we started a daycare business out of our home, which lasted for about four or five years.  

When Amelia was 11, we adopted our little Dieguito.  I was thrilled.  But once the full swing of diapers and late nights and chasing began, it hit me hard right in the face that ohmygoodnessiamtiredofthis.

So there you have it.  That is why it is 7:15 pm and my son still has no valentines to take to school tomorrow.

P.S.  I just told Diego that when Papi brings home his valentines, he will need to hurry and put all the kids' names on the envelopes and he needs to sign his name on the back of each card.  He logically said, "Well, why don't we skip the kids' names on the envelope and then I can just quickly pass them all out and it won't matter who gets what card."  BRILLIANT!

The Best of Pinterest, Part 2

There are things on Pinterest that are put there to be purposely outlandish, such as the funny awkward family photos or the shots of old people in bathing suits.  However, I tend to believe that most of the pins on Pinterest are genuine.  It's the genuine ones that don't mean to be funny that I like the best, such as the ones on the first episode of The Best of Pinterest on The Jason Show.

 

This looks like a doily wrapped around her neck with a yellow button on it.  Unless this is Amish wear, in which case, I withdraw my last statement.  Does she really seem pleased to be in this photo?  Does she really seem pleased about her doilycollar?

Taste is very personal.

I don't even know what to say about this outfit?  Who wears this?

There are some really clever things on Pinterest.  This one seems to be so unnecessary.  Is it really that hard to pour wine manually?  Unless you're serving merlot to a banquet hall, I don't get this.

And....this one speaks for itself.  Is this for real?

Happy pinning!

Stream of Consciousness Blogging: Piano, An Uninhabitable Apartment, and the Hunger Games

After a four year separation, I have returned to my piano and my fabulous piano teacher.  I quit during a time that was extremely busy and chaotic, but life has calmed down considerably, so we are together again and I am enjoying myself immensely.  Sometimes, I need to interact with others.  Other times, I need to interact with only myself.  Playing the piano provides that for me in a constructive, emotionally satisfying way.

Poor Amelia.  She is doing so well in San Francisco, except for the fact that a couple of weeks ago her apartment was damaged by extensive leaks in the building.  Actually, damaged is an understatement.  In spite of the fact that her apartment is on the second of three floors, the roof leaked so much that it filled up the light fixtures and drywall became soaked.  It is now uninhabitable, the landlord is being unreasonable and uncooperative, and she is essentially homeless.  Right now she is staying in a hotel (after the generosity of friends), she's looking into a lawsuit against her landlord, and she is hunting for a new place, which is turning out to be trickier than one would think.  She's a trooper though.

Well, I jumped on the Hunger Games bandwagon.  That is, my book club jumped on the Hunger Games bandwagon, and I am so glad we did!  It has been a while since I've read such a page-turner.  I'm now reading the second book in the trilogy.

And...one thing's for sure, birthdays on Facebook make you feel like a superstar!

Ready to do a Good Deed?

I would feel unworthy to call myself a blogger, I would feel unworthy to call myself a friend, if I didn't use what little tiny bit of influence that I might have on the World Wide Web to help spread this message that hundreds--maybe thousands--of people have been spreading around the internet.

You see, my friend, Mark, (on the left) and his husband, Fred, are facing a very real threat to the stability of their family.  Fred is a French national and the time is drawing near that he might be deported.  Under national immigration law, if an immigrant marries a U.S. citizen, they are given a green card and allowed to live in the United States.  That is, IF one of them is a man and the other is a woman.  However, since they are a same-sex couple and the U.S. federal government does not recognize their 2008 marriage in California, these four beautiful children just might lose one of their fathers. . . their Papa.

Chances are, you already are familiar with Mark and his family.  But if you're not, here is a link to his blog.  Currently he is chronicling the latest events in their struggle, including their interview with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, several newspapers, and CNN.  They've also been part of a documentary on the subject, and his blog has embedded clips to those links.

Many people have asked Mark if there is anything they can do to help.  This is his reply:

"Because you asked, here is how you can help.  You can write to Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano.  And if you live in Pennsylvania, you can write to Senator Casey's office.  Both, on our behalf.  You can let them know that you read the story on StopTheDeportations.com or that you know of our story from another source.  If you do this, I would urge you to, as best you can, write it when you're in a good mood.  No one likes a nasti-gram.  In fact, Senator Casey's office already knows about our story and his staff has reached out to us.  And Congressman Holden's office has been exceptionally helpful.  I tend to think that people are generally good and want to help when and if they can.  You read my post that I copied from StopTheDeportations.com.  You know that we are asking for approval of our green-card application.  Or at the very least, held in abeyance and not denied.  I will leave the rest to you because I don't want it to sound like a form letter.  And in fact, actual letters and phone calls are the best."

Secretary Janet Napolitano
Department of Homeland Security
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. 20528

202-282-8000

If you have a minute, here's where the good deed part comes in.  Please write a quick letter to Ms. Napolitano, or make a brief phone call on behalf of Mark and Fred, and especially on behalf of these four beautiful children who need both of their parents.

   

The Word, "Hubby"

I can't stand the word, hubby. I cringe every time I hear it or read it.  I know most people find nothing wrong with it at all, but for some reason I just find it silly.  Beyond silly.  It brings to mind a husband who is a bit of dopey buffoon.  Usually this dopey, buffoon of a husband is also pudgy.  And oblivious. And balding, perhaps with comb-over tendencies..  No hubby ever had a nice full head of hair.

So hubby means a pudgy, dopey, oblivious, balding, comb-over wearing buffoon of a husband.

I have a friend who is simply horrified by the word moist.  It actually makes her mad.  She's a good sport when we razz her about it, but I happen to know that it actually angers her.  Another word that she abhors is panties.  And whatever you do--don't string both words together!  

Are there any words that you can't stand?

The Best of Pinterest, Part 1

Stuff that's too good (or bad) not to share.

The tattoo craze has taken the world by storm.  Selecting that perfect tattoo is such a personal choice.   But this?

 My pal JLo often tells me, "What's the use of a gay best friend if he doesn't even notice your shoes?  (Or your make-up, or your nails, or your new haircut, etc.)  Well, I noticed these shoes all right.

 And, if JLo showed up to dinner wearing this outfit, I'm pretty sure I would notice it.

 How do you like this . .hat?

I do not even know what this is, but I do know that every time I look at it, I get sick to my stomach.

It's a fine line sometimes between beautiful nails and Morticia's nails.

Thoughts?

Pinterest: A Love/Eye Roll Relationship

Do I like Pinterest?  Sure, I like Pinterest.  I visit Pinterest every day.  I have several different boards of my own.  (In fact, if you click the Pinterest button on The Jason Show sidebar, you'll be instantly transported there.)  I think most Pinterest users agree that there is something highly reinforcing about pinning something to one of your boards that you like, something with which you identify and has meaning for you.  

But shall we be honest?  Sometimes I see things on Pinterest that make me think, "Oh my god that is so ugly."  Or, "How cheesy and not in a good way!"   On top of that, it seems like people make stuff up just for the sake of putting it on Pinterest, not for the value that it has in and of itself.  Some of the sayings that show up just make me a little crazy.  Things not unlike, "Concrete is so useful,"  followed with a comment that says love or yes.  "I love breathing air.  It's the best."  Comment:  gotta have this.

Okay, okay, not so extreme but I think if you're a Pinterest user you might get what I mean.  Or is it just me?

Then there are the fads.  The ones that you just get so tired of seeing.  I loved the first few KEEP CALM posters, but after a while you just want to punch a hole right through them.  And for goodness sake, enough with all of the scarves already!  I like scarves as much as the next guy (or gal) but give it a rest!  And I swear if I see one more cute little Elf on the Shelf idea I just might hurl my computer across the room.

Several times I have started new boards called Yuck, No Way, or Oh No.  I've gotten a kick out of repinning some of these things of which I speak to my these categories, but then I quickly delete the category because, well, how rude is that?

The internet (and the world) are mean enough places as it is.  As one who expects tolerance, how can I be intolerant of such simple things as hideous sweaters from Etsy or bathroom remodels that look like they were done out of the garbage dump?

But still. . .I can privately roll my eyes, right?  I'm still entitled to my opinion, right?

The Jason Show 2011 in Review

The Jason Show writers found a great way to recap the episodes of 2011 from Eternal Lizdom.

January

We began the year with a photographic review of the 2010 holidays on The Jason Show.  I then discussed my squeaky sinus situation and my physical that was rescheduled by my doctor three times.  I gave the world a private peek into my prostate exam, and revisited the topic of confrontation and how much I hate it, although I have gotten better at dealing with it.  Explaining to Diego how puppies are made (and human babies) was another major event in January, followed by my borderline cholesterol and my decision to give vegetarianism a try.  I bought cigarettes for the first time in my life, and shared the true blessing that a good sturdy electric pencil sharpener can be to a teacher.  Ines, Diego's former caregiver, and her eccentricities were the topic of the next post.  One of my students selflessly cut off her hair in order to make a wig for one of my students who had brain cancer.   Finally, I ended the first month of the year sharing some cherished and funny memories of fishing with my grandpa in the Tetons in Idaho.

February

February started with an update on my newly acquired vegetarianism and then showed people what a breast man really looks like.  Next, I perpetuated the biggest hoax of the year by allowing people to think that I opened my own restaurant, while in fact I merely opened a smart phone application called Restaurant Story.  Jason, Plumber Extraordinaire, was the title of the next post, in which I impressed you all with my amazing plumbing prowess.  The next seven posts were a series entitled "It's 5:00 Somewhere" in which I chronicled what I did each day of the week at exactly 5:00.  My sister actually came up with the idea, and she did the same thing for a week on her blog, Squibs and Crackers.  I shared and update on the phenomenon of the grout sprout, and I answered one of my student's questions about what life was like back when everything was in black and white.  Then I told a (true) silly little story about a silly little man who dropped his phone in the toilet and flooded his entire restaurant.

March

March started off with a bang and an outstanding, yet hysterical It Gets Better video, which I consider to be one of the highlights of The Jason Show in 2011.  If you haven't watched it, you really, really should.    Madness once again visited Wisteria Lane, only this time, I was the crazy lunatic screaming at two people standing in my front yard.  Then we were visited by my sister and her family and we actually went to a, well, a place on Earth.  I cracked myself up living one day as a squatter in my buddy JLo's house.  Speaking of JLo, I announced plans to go on a fall foliage cruise in 2032 with her and our kooky friend Danielle.  I'm the official unofficial historian of my book club, and I gave our (quite comprehensive) annual book list update.  I rounded off March by getting on my teacher/parent/human being soapbox and denouncing the Chucky movie franchise and any parent who allows their young ones to view any of those horrific excuses for entertainment.

April

Our family lost someone who we really cared about, especially Diego.  I confessed that I have become addicted to playing certain games on Facebook and on my phone.  I revisited what it was like to live without hope in respect to cancer and how that has changed for me now.  I shared a picture and thoughts about turtles sunning themselves, and I shared my neutrality toward Easter.  I talked about Giancarlo's turkey nerves, and then showed off my new Lady Gaga glasses before teaching some very important life lessons from Gaga herself.

May

The word, "hort" was the topic of my May Day post.  I wrote a letter to Ricky Martin, in which I revealed to him my detailed plan to get him into bed with Giancarlo and me.  One of my other wildest fantasies came true when Giancarlo and I attended an actual Ricky Martin concert along with 5,000 other gay latinos and Mexican grandmothers.  Unfortunately, my afterglow was ruined by the compulsory administration of the STAR test.  Eyebrows were the next topic of discussion spurned on by the fact that I had accidentally shaved half of my right eyebrow off in preparation for Ricky.  May was a month for concerts, for some friends of mine and I also went to see the impeccable Kylie Minogue at the Hollywood Bowl.

June

One of my best friends ever in my life moved away.  I shared the ABCs of Me, then reproclaimed my love to Giancarlo in celebrating 14 years of togetherness.  Early in June, my brother-in-law, Giampiero, married Donella, and it was such a memorable occasion that Show writers put it into a three part episode, A Jason Show Family Wedding, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.  We followed those with a down and dirty inside scoop on what really happened at that wedding!  My father-in-law has quite the sense of humor from time to time, especially when it comes to his wife, so I shared a little tidbit of it.  The June wrap-up was a couple of posts about the importance of a change of scenery and the fabulous time I had with Amelia during San Francisco Pride.

July
This month started off in a highly unnerving way for Giancarlo, when he heroically administered CPR on our neighbor across the street who had a massive coronary, but he passed away nonetheless.  Later, Single Sentence Soup experienced a teensy, eensy revival with teensy weensy comment feedback.  The hit ABC Family series, Switched at Birth, continued filming across the street from the Show household.  Then, the hardest thing I've experienced in quite a while happened when our oldest daughter began another round of--stuff, and ended up moving to Kentucky with a guy older than me whom she had only met online.  This gave us no other choice than to invoke the phrase "tough love."  It was awful.  I truly believe that one of the reasons I came out on the other side without a visit to the psyc ward was because I self administered some heavy doses of music therapy in the form of OceanLab.  We topped the month off with a trip to Utah and Idaho, and in relation to that I discussed how time heals all wounds.

August
Rennen flew back from Utah with us and stayed for a couple of weeks, which was one of the highlights of the summer for us.  While she was here, we impressed ourselves and yourselves when we went Glamping.  One of my best friends from high school died of unknown causes in her car up in the mountains.  School started again and I found that I had a new student who loved to do bizarre things and tell very tall tales, like putting corn nuts deep into in his own ear and then blaming it on the most docile lamb in the school.  One of my aunts sent me some old family pictures, and one of them was one of my mother and me just after I was born, that I had never seen before.  I continued to try to sort through my feelings about what went on with my daughter.  Comic relief came to the rescue when a lady at my school parking lot thought I could help her with her overheated car engine just because I was a man.  And lastly for the month of August, I took the plunge and signed up for a huge challenge in the form of organic fresh fruits and vegetables called Abundant Harvest.

September
Teacher Tales came back for yet another season on The Jason Show, and in this episode one of my students was floored to learn that his birthday occurs on the same day each year.  Homo Hodgepodge was the title of an episode of Q & A With Your Token Gay, and another Teacher Tales shared more tall tales from corn-nut-in-ear student.   I then experienced a very sour experience at my place of employment that upset me horribly, and it seemed to zap my blog mojo into oblivion because it was so much at the forefront of my mind that it was all I wanted to write about, but couldn't.  However, taking my son to a football game at the end of the month simply could not be ignored!

October
Posts from The Jason Show as well as readership and comments dropped to an all time low in October, and we continued to blame it on the previously mentioned sour work experience.    Marlee Matlin showed up in my front yard.  The Jason Show had a Sunday Roast.  The death of a distant relative briefly brought Amelia home from San Francisco, as well as made me really think about what I would like to happen when I die.  And Diego provided some much needed laughter.

November
Thanks to so much generosity from so many of you, I met my fundraising goal of $2,300.00, which enabled me to participate in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for a Cure for the second time.  We discussed the elephant in the room.  I pondered the importance of not complaining.    I made my one-item Christmas list, shared a heart-warming and tear-jerking You Tube video called It's Time, and wrote about a funny little Chinese lady named Gina.

December
Counting this post, there were only four in December.  What is going on?  The first one was a big photo spill from 2011.  The second told the world of my worst nightmare come true, and the 2011 season of The Jason Show was topped off with a marvelous extravaganza called Christmas in Victorville.

So there you have it!  I seriously doubt ANYONE in their right mind would sit through this enormously long and perhaps mundane season recap, but since I have the time right now thanks to winter vacation, I have quite enjoyed myself.  It was really quite a year.  And...yes..I love starring in The Jason Show as much as I ever have.

Now...for a quick test.  If you actually read this whole thing (or even skimmed it) please provide actual proof  by telling me the best thing and the worst thing that happened to you on your show during 2011.  We'll see in anyone passes.  Does anyone care to set the curve?

See you next year.